What the hell do guys want in a girl(in general)

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keira
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21 Feb 2011, 5:33 pm

countzarroff wrote:

You're a woman of great courage to put up these kinds of questions online, so give yourself a little more credit than you do.

Anyway, the way we look at people is very similar to the way we look at art, people are going to find different things to appreciate with eachother. As for men, yes there are some similar patterns and some similar desires between us, but people are going to end up with very different outcomes with one another. But here's some basics on what most men want in a woman:

Physical attractiveness. Yes its true. Why? Because we are biologically designed to desire to pass on (well you know) to women. Yes we think A LOT about physical attraction. However, people are going to find different things attractive in a woman. Some guys will be turned on by gothic style clothing, others won't. Some will like a lot of make-up, others won't. Some will prefer a woman with more pounds, others won't. I mean, look around your local shopping mall, people of all different shapes and sizes tend to get together.

What I would do is instead of just saying "I want to find a guy", first look for the guy you want and then try to figure out what is going to get him attracted to you. But we don't ONLY care about physical attraction.

There is also companionship. Any woman I would consider atleast needs to be someone I can talk to comfortably. So for me, a woman who is overly sarcastic and pokes too much is not someone who I like. No offense, but a lot of women are picking up on this whole "brat attitude". It may look cute to the girlfriends at the feminist club, but we don't like that at all. The last thing we want in a relationship is someone who is going to argue with us constantly and make us feel like garbage.

Think about it, would you want to talk to a guy who tells too many sarcastic jokes and teases way too much when you honestly are feeling sad about something? Its the same thing for us. So the kinder and more open you are with men, the more they will be comfortable talking to you.

Keep in mind, men know that they have to be careful talking with women because if anything is taken the wrong way its easy for men to get in trouble. Be open, friendly and kind and you really can't go wrong with pleasing this side of what men need.

One more thing, I've said it a bunch of times, online dating is a great way to go. I hadn't had a girlfriend till about a couple months ago, but its a good way to meet people to date because everyone is doing it. Yeah there are people who make fun of it, but they're the ones who are giving themselves more trouble than they need to. If you're really lonely, go online. It worked for me at least. Okcupid and plentyoffish are good places to start.

That's a really nice and insightful reply. Too bad that to be the woman others can talk to comfortably is easier said than done. Especially if I really like someone. Then usually the pressure and stress get the better of me :roll:

Erisad
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21 Feb 2011, 8:17 pm

In general? Guys want their girls to have a perfect figure and legs that open on command. Yes, I'm making a generalization but it's true for a lot of guys in my area anyway. :/

Echoreyn
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21 Feb 2011, 8:44 pm

I relate so much to the OP in this situation. I honestly don't know how to show that I like a guy even when things are going well. I'm not a conversationalist by any means, but I try to be a good listener and smile a lot and bolster their ego a bit, but things never end well. I don't always understand their cues, and they never really believe me when I say that I like them. Every date that I've been on, even the good ones, ends in a pile of awkwardness. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make it clear to a guy that you like them?

Ikonovich
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21 Feb 2011, 9:28 pm

My ideal female would be someone I'm physically attracted to, have sex with, cuddle with, and yet can hang out and have fun with, have intelligent conversations, that sort of thing, and preferably someone who understands/doesn't mind if I don't seem like the most emotional guy, or don't worry about holidays and romantic things very much.

ALMOST a friend with benefits type situation.

And when I'm looking for someone I want a female who doesn't play the game or require that I try to do so - Anyone here can understand that desire. Blunt and straightforward.

But, as has been said, most guys just want a woman who will spread their legs on command.

mangos
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22 Feb 2011, 11:08 am

Echoreyn wrote:

I've often had good luck with the blunt approach, i.e. just saying at the end of the date that I thought he was cute / fun / whatever and asking whether he'd like to go out again sometime. A lot of guys I've talked to say they actually like this, because they're relieved that they don't have to dance around and interpret their dates' signals either. I've had a few guys (definitely the minority of those I've asked) tell me they dislike it because it "ruins the thrill of the chase," but I've never been too keen on someone who's dating mainly for "the chase" anyway.

Bethie
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22 Feb 2011, 11:41 am

Erisad wrote:

In general? Guys want their girls to have a perfect figure and legs that open on command.

Yup. In general, it's only women who aren't overweight who stand a chance.

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Erisad
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22 Feb 2011, 11:45 am

Bethie wrote:

Erisad wrote:

In general? Guys want their girls to have a perfect figure and legs that open on command.

Yup. In general, it's only women who aren't overweight who stand a chance.

I know that far too well. D:

Zur-Darkstar
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22 Feb 2011, 11:59 am

Speaking for myself. I find these personality traits attractive: Sense of humor, intelligence, tolerance, patience, positive attitude, open mindedness, conscientiousness, kindness, compassion.

Here are my major turn-offs/dealbreakers: arrogance, cruelty, materialism, greed, holier than thou attitude, willful ignorance, dogmatism, closed-mindedness, intolerance, violence.

The thing is, different people are going to have different lists than mine and can put up with different vices and value different virtues. I can tolerate someone that has a short temper and gets angry a lot because I have tremendous self-control and do not anger easily. I have very little tolerance for someone that is very materialistic because I'm just not motivated by money/status to seek the sorts of demanding jobs that come with large salaries, and I don't want a woman nagging me about it. I can tolerate someone that's somewhat bossy and dominant because I'm fairly flexible. I can't tolerate someone that's going to try to change me so that I fit in their idealistic worldview. I think it's important to know what your own strengths and weaknesses are. It sounds like you're already doing this part. The next step is to understand what you want in a partner as far as positives and what you can't deal with as far as negatives.

Magnus_Rex
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22 Feb 2011, 12:35 pm

Tolerance and looks. Intelligence is a plus, but I'll be happy enough if she's tolerant of my quirks (which would defy logic and, consequently, nullify any possibility of intelligence on her part :lol: ).

I'm incapable of tolerating jealousy, though. Seriously, if one doesn't trust a person, why would one pursue a relationship with the person?

Ai_Ling
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22 Feb 2011, 2:36 pm

countzarroff wrote:

Ai_Ling wrote:

yes I know everyone wants something different. For me, its very very hard to attract a guy in person, not that I havent, it just doesnt happen very often. For me online dating works way better cause I can control my impression that Im making on the person way better, just making friends in general is 10x easier for me. Im thinking that there are guys that would want someone like me, I just dont make a good impression on guys in person.

Positive traits:
I have decent looks, I have decent accomplishments, Im intelligent, not overly emotional or clingy(not anymore), not too sensative (not anymore), I make strong attempts to get to know people I know like forming deeper connections not just superficial ones, im very honest and straightfoward, Im not superficial at all Im real, Im not a huge shopper( as in Im not gonna drag a guy into clothing store and stay their for hrs), I dance, Im a very hardworker, I dont give up easily, Im not overly concerned with my apperance(i can imagine itd be kinda annoying to have a gf whos overly concerned with her apperance)

Not so attractive traits
I still have low self confidence(working on it), insecure(working on it), too blunt at times, I can joke around like a guy at times( guessing thats not terribly attractive), i can appear aloof at times, I can say things that are often off, I have a hard time making initial RL impressions, I dont flirt very often, I dont spend time making myself look good(I can dress fashionably when I wanna, I dont wear makeup tho), I lack a lotta the traits that are valued in females(you know nice, sweet, caring, empathetic: that crap), im socially clueless at times(I have my friends acting as translators often), I think too much(which ppl can find annoying at times)

Many guys are generally find me fine as a friend but not as anything more. I was wondering: what do guys find attractive in girls, yes I know the responce a lotta people would say: everyone has different preferences but Im saying "in general".

What I would do is instead of just saying "I want to find a guy", first look for the guy you want and then try to figure out what is going to get him attracted to you. But we don't ONLY care about physical attraction.

There is also companionship. Any woman I would consider atleast needs to be someone I can talk to comfortably. So for me, a woman who is overly sarcastic and pokes too much is not someone who I like. No offense, but a lot of women are picking up on this whole "brat attitude". It may look cute to the girlfriends at the feminist club, but we don't like that at all. The last thing we want in a relationship is someone who is going to argue with us constantly and make us feel like garbage.

Think about it, would you want to talk to a guy who tells too many sarcastic jokes and teases way too much when you honestly are feeling sad about something? Its the same thing for us. So the kinder and more open you are with men, the more they will be comfortable talking to you.

Keep in mind, men know that they have to be careful talking with women because if anything is taken the wrong way its easy for men to get in trouble. Be open, friendly and kind and you really can't go wrong with pleasing this side of what men need.

No Im not nessarily in the mindset in saying, I just want a guy for sake of having a guy. I was like that when I was 19, I got a guy online but he was very very far from the ideal guy for me I learned years later. Basically he was an despirete idiot, oddly enough even though I knew nothing about dating and he had experiance, he was more despirete and less selective then I was at the time. Thru this online thing, I could of had a bf, I chose not to cause I wanted the right guy, only 1 of the guys Ive met so far fit my criteria but his schedule is insane so he couldnt date any1.

I do pick fun at guys and sometimes I do overdo it, if someone asks me to stop or if someone wants me to take something seriously, I will stop and really listen to them and take them seriously. Im not sure how evident that is to guys. I think it is, cause I tend to ask people a lot of deeper questions mainly cause Im curious but I can come across as very intrusive at times. Whenever I ask a instrusive question my friend says: "that is for me to know and you to figure out". Im guessing a girl thats intrusive is not attractive either. Im very open with guys, kind: now thats questionable.

Yes I know that men(and me) have that problem with talking to women, women take things the wrong way a lot of times which personally I find tiresome to deal with. Oddly enough for me, you can tell almost anything you want and I'll be cool most of the time but its me misreading peoples body langauge is what gets me into trouble cause I take small subtlties in body language very personally. I rarely find what people are actually saying as offensive. 1 of my friends always challenges my opinions, Im really cool with it, but I can imagine other girls wouldnt like that.

I mostly posted this question cause I wanted to know what guys want. For me I think I do have qualities in me that a good number of guys would want underneath. But I portray this badly on the surface.

countzarroff
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25 Feb 2011, 3:49 am

Echoreyn wrote:

Well there could be a couple of things. Do you like to touch him and hug him? That is honestly the easiest way to go. Because by that logic, it doesn't make any sense to us men why you would want to touch us if you were repulsed by us. But of course do what you're comfortable with.

If you don't know the guy that well and you just know him beyond only a friendly basis, a good way a woman can break that barrier is by offering to rub his back or shoulders and help relax him. Its not anything sexual or flirtatious, but it lets the guy know that you're comfortable around him.

But if you're not very good at talking, absolutely try to improve on that. The worst thing ever for me is to be exausting myself trying to keep a conversation going when the other person won't talk. You need to be able to hold conversation if you want things to work.

Last edited by countzarroff on 25 Feb 2011, 4:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

countzarroff
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25 Feb 2011, 3:56 am

Laz wrote:

countzarroff wrote:

Laz wrote:

Quote:

What the hell do guys want in a girl?

Their penis, usually

With slight variations of deviancy

Dude, come on. She's gotten the courage to post up a really stressful question. At least try to be nice to her.

If you require me to come on you i suggest you take that up with your local for hire male i don't provide such services. I'm not a milking cow for human gamates for cosmetic application to the face.

In relation to your point, I refer you to the second post I made on this thread.

True, but you don't have to be a jerk. This is something that is obviously very hard for a lot of these girls. This really isn't a good thread to be clowning around on.

Sure you have a right to. Techniqually, I also have a right to fart in a crowded elevator, but I don't do it because it isn't appropriate for the situation. And when someone asks an honest question about how to be more successful with relationships, you shouldn't clown around about it because its not appropriate.

This is supposed to be a place for autistic people to feel comfortable talking about their problems. So I'll ask again nicely, please turn the blunt sarcasm down a couple notches.

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