She's Pure, He's a Loser : The Sexual Double Standard

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Oops. I didn't mean that one individual man can change how he is perceived simply by not saying "slut". I made an ambiguous (and simplistic) statement so let me explain.


It's an overall social meme that needs to change. One lone man can't do that. (Neither can one woman, for that matter). As long as the "men should be sexually active, women shouldn't" meme is out there, anyone who doesn't follow it will be scorned as either a loser or a slut, depending on their gender. The majority needs to stop buying into this meme but you can't make the majority do something. You can only make yourself do something. Anytime somebody doesn't use "slut" or "loser" to insult people who don't adhere to this meme, a positive social change is slowly made. I know it won't change the fortunes of one single man, but it's still worth doing anyway..and you are doing it! So, good! Every person who chooses not to use these words against somebody of either gender is making a positive contribution to getting rid of this awful meme. But until the meme goes away, each individual will still be subject to it even while fighting against it.

This meme (that men should be sexually active and women should not) is hurtful to both men and women and it pits them against each other. But it is at least 2,000 years old so I don't expect change overnight. But that doesn't mean it's pointless to fight against it.

You know, as long as we have "standards" that we are forced to compare ourselves to, there will always be double standards, because everyone is different, and all groups are different, and the standards for one group might not suit another. Regardless of how you rearrange the standards, there will be very little significant change in these matters. The only way to get rid of double standards is to get rid of standards.

That's the first time I've seen the word "player" used as a compliment.

I despise double standards such as these. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, no matter what gender or age you are. (Likewise, I don't see a problem with someone who has sex often. If they're being responsible about it and using proper protection, what's the issue?)

I concour

I think it is important for people not too exert so much energy and comittment into the myths our socities and cultures exert on us. By all means on the surface play your part do all the norms that avoid you receiving unneccesary attention and scrutiny. But you have no obligation to abide by the norms of your society I doubt in reality most people behind closed doors actually do anyway.

There is a huge disconnect between our natural behaviour and our projected mythical image of how we should conduct ourselves.

I think there was a sociological study once of families with 2+ children it was found that the "norm" is for at least one child not to be the biological child of the husband. Either covertly or overtly concieved.

Judao-christian mythology would exhalt the sacred sanctaty of marriage and monogomy. Reality is in evolution you need a backup plan with your offspring and that's reflect in the hidden and "taboo" behaviour such observations would hold if discussed in public

Have you never heard a rap record?

Player is usually meant as a compliment when used by other men.

Hate the game, not the player e.t.c.

What you just said was so daft, and yet somehow, I still picture you as being made of some golden material. Yes that was random.

I went to bed too late and got up far too early to make head or tails about what your going on about. So i'm going to go and be perplexed in the corner till I figure out what you mean.

If I just spoke a load of bollocks don't worry about it, it's a bad habit of mine.

Sorry, i was in a random mood this morning.It was just a joke. Related to the pic you posted long ago, and huh yeah. Private joke for one, story of my life...

This is just the flip side of the slut/stud coin. I really don't have the patience to explain it fully, but I see that a few have done a decent job of it already.

Basically, it's a way to objectify women. Women were objects, and if she wasn't pure, she was damaged goods. By contrast, men were expected to make a lot of babies to spread their family name.

I like this analogy.

These days it's quite looked down upon for women to be virgins too. I've had more than one guy go off me because of that, or make fun of me in a nasty way.

This is true of some men, but generally speaking it's because they want to have sex with you but don't like having sex with a virgin.

It's still the norm to be praised for being a virgin if you're female. Think purity rings... those are a big hit.

It must be different in this country then. You're pretty much looked down on if you're a virgin in your late teens or older no matter what gender you are.

Anyone here with a "purity ring" would get made fun of even more. Then again New Zealand is one of the most promiscuous countries in the world.