Why do they marry them?

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I married him because I loved him. We didn't know he was/is an aspie for the entire marriage.

When we found out, I wanted to work on our marriage, he didn't.

He wasn't perfect. Neither was I. And I never will be.

It just wasn't meant to be.

I shall quote from the person who diagnosed me as she wrote a book about transition in 2005 and it has a section regarding this subject...

I quote Prof. Patricia Howlin 2005

She then goes on to give the asperger perspective but you can go pick the book up from Amazon and read it yourself you lazy gits.

Patricia Howlin (2005) Autism and Asperger Syndrome preparing for adulthood second edition

Quite a few aspies feel the same way. Why go to a site full of people moaning who bad they have it when they then go on to post the exact reasons why they fail that seem plain obvious to everyone but themselves. Most aspies I come across in my line of work have a life have a comfortable niche theve etched out for themseleves and just want a pointer on that particular aspect of their life that is a barrier to them. Once you give them the knowledge they go off on their merry way and you never see them again.

ntgrl, you bring up a lot of valid points.

Ideally, I would not like to have discovered WP as this would mean that my marriage may still be intact to this day. However, my ex being an aspie did lead me to this wonderful website and I'm glad I stayed.

I have learned so much and am still learning new things that make me laugh, excite me, make me put my thinking cap on, or just be silly, etc. When I see people vent here, I always think that they probably had a bad day and are just frustrated. (I have my crappy venting days but I have my poor mum for that. ) I also try to keep in mind that Alex built this site geared toward autistics and aspies and I'm just visiting. I am relieved though to see some NTs like yourself here (and a few others who know who they are) who are here not to trash-talk their partners, but are here out of genuine love and concern for them. I'm sorry, it's hard for me to say what I'm trying to say. Other NT women can put it more eloquently, like you did above. It is such a shame though when we're told, "You're NT, what would you know?" And I always think to myself, "I don't know. That's why I'm here."

There are people here whose posts, like techstepgenr8tion ^ ^ ^, I enjoy. I may not always agree with what he says (or sometimes they just go over my head ), but there are little nuggets of sagacity there. And then there are people like Laz ^ ^ ^ who is such a tease that he can insult us lazy gits but still make us want to buy the book.

Good night, ntgrl.

A lot of things we do and ask tend to make people angry. We usually don't have the slightest clue why.

I'm not sure why my question would make you angry, as it seems like a very valid question to me. I don't understand why people would enter into a life long commitment with someone who they seem to have so many issues with. I would find that person stressful if I had to be around them so often, and thus not marry them.



Possibly.



For the sake of satisfying my curiosity and confusion, yes.




It is very negative, particularly the love and dating forum. Concerning learning, if you have questions, you should ask them. Most of us would be more than happy to answer to the best of our ability.



I would very much like to learn about NT's, however the lack of an "ask an NT" forum, and NT's on this cite in general leaves us to speculate amongst ourselves, which I agree is not very productive, however it is frequently the only option open to us.



We would not know to contact you unless you explicitly stated for us to do so. Perhaps you can volunteer to be the moderator for an "ask an NT" forum, if Alex agrees top open one. I'll keep you in mind for future questions I have concerning NT's, however I would be apprehensive about asking if my questions are going to make you angry. Most of us have grown tired of constantly being mis-characterized as rude, selfish, inconsiderate, or the all around "bad guy" when we actually had good or innocent intentions and are actually quite altruistic by nature, and I'm not sure why my question upset you.

I think if this thread has made you angry, then you have either misread it or it applies to you. I haven't noticed anyone saying that these things are true of all NTs who are in or have been in relationships with auties, nor even all NTs who have experienced difficulties relating to AS in their relationships. The posts in this thread have been about a specific type of NT who complains of their partner as though the partner is somehow a bad guy because they're autistic. If this doesn't apply to you, you have nothing to be angry about.

This reminds me of the infamous delphi forum for asperger partners, anyone remember that one? That was a wonderful community. They even made up that wonderful term of affection for their "horrid husbands" or "grotesque children" as "Aspoids" I absolutely hate that term with a passion.

Then theres that bat s**t crazy author who wrote "loving mr spock" she is so full of excrement not even the toilets at Tripoli airport contain the same magnitude or scale of excrement as what she has expelled in that book of hers.

I once read another forum (forget what it was called) which was a "support" forum for people with Aspies for partners or children. It was one of the most venomous and ignorant things I've ever had the misfortune of reading. And of course there was not a single person actually on the spectrum to be found on that forum, so there was no one to fight the cruelty--it was just a bunch of people feeding each other's bitterness and warped ideas. Not every person on the site was like this, of course, but I never once saw a vicious comment refuted by anyone.

I heard there's a named syndrome for NT women who get in relationships with Aspie men & end up getting angry with em. I forget what the term is called but there was a forum for it. Is that the forum you are referring to I highly doubt there's a syndrome & forum for Aspie guys who get in relationships with NT women & get angry with em

I believe that's called the "Cassandra Syndrome," but no, it wasn't a forum for that. And I highly doubt there is as well!

Cassandra Syndrome is not the correct term. It's a general psych term unrelated to AS & it's also a goth metal band http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJjlTJfDq1k

Upon looking it up, it turns out that "Cassandra Syndrome" is indeed what I was thinking of, though perhaps you were thinking of something else. Apparently it's got a more official-sounding name attached to it now. Cassandra Affective Deprivation Disorder. From the linked page:

whats more disturbing is that maxine ashton (who made that disorder) is the main person referenced in most chapters on aspie relationships in books including Tony attwoods.

That is very disturbing.

yes I was very pleased to get a new book called the aspergers adult by ruth serle which had come new into the library, only to be very disapointed, her relationships chapter was based entirely on ashtons work and very much demonised aspie men. I especially hate how her stuff is negative about aspie parents as this has far reaching negative effects.

At least in the literature review of Howlin's book she is honest that there is a lot of unknown's regarding relationships, marriage, sex and autism/asperger's and that most of what is out there is personal conjecture not neccesarily evidence based.

I gave up ever reading books around aspergers and relationships after having the misfortune or reading "loving mr spock" and then having a confrontation with the author of that book on another forum who proved herself to be absolutely irrational and mad in her arguments. A real eye opener of how easy it is to publish absolutely BS on a subject these days