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Anyone out there happy about being single?

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lotusblossom
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27 Feb 2011, 9:25 am

Fudo wrote:
lotusblossom wrote:
I think as well there is a difference between being sad/happy about being single in general and being sad/happy about a particular person rejecting/wanting one. I never understood people who cry because they so want a bf/gf, I can understand crying about a particular person but not just a general wanting a partner. I think too many people think haveing a partner will complete them or make them happy where as in reality relationships are a 'mixed bag' and quite a lot of work and can cause lots of pain. I think people are more likely to find wholeness and happiness through self exploration rather than through a relationship.


is this a general comment LB? or directed at me..

either way, i can understand why people would be sad with a lack of a partner.. maybe definition of what a partner is differs more than i had supposed though..?

some people have had 'enough' or even 'too much' introspection & want to share some of themselves, even if they risk getting hurt. methinks people get 'put off' too easily, if they really want to be single then it's fine to not look for a significant other, hopefully this is true of most on here
not me though. as i said, if i had friends i might feel differently but atm i have none.

was not directed at you, just general.

Im not very empathetic and did not think about how it would sound to you.



Mark198423
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27 Feb 2011, 9:34 am

Definitely not happy being single.



Grisha
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27 Feb 2011, 10:27 am

Quote:
I think we should start a WP undatable club... :)


I was kind of wondering if it was appropriate for me to post on L&D any more. I know there are no rules about this, but you know how Aspies think!

Alex needs to create an "Undatable" forum for us :wink:

But maybe we should give it a more positive name instead: how about "untamable" 8)



SurfMaggie
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27 Feb 2011, 10:38 am

Grisha - I think the goal should not be about being happy single, but just being happy. I have a tendency to throw myself into a relationship completely, to the point that I spend all my time trying please my man, and fit in with the things that he likes and wants to do. Compromise of this sort has its place, but should not be to the detriment to who YOU are as a person. I'm then fearful ending these relationships because so much of who I am has become wrapped up in them, and when I eventually walk away, I feel like I an empty shell of a person - one who has been completely extinguished by the other person and the relationship.

Then I undertake a period of re-discovery (which I am doing right now) where I take up all those hobbies I let slip while in a relationship, I start to fullfill my dreams, I read the books I've wanted to read for ages, I go on holiday to wonderful places and I get my life back in to some sort of order, with myself as a high priority.

That's when I then wonder about a new relationship and whether I really do want one. I realise that I like the person that I have rediscovered, and that I didn't really recognise myself when I was in a relationship. I marvel at how much I value my own company and a little solitude, and I wonder if being in a realtionship will eliminate this little pleasure from my life. I look at the activities I have started and the adventures I am going on, and I think back to how I spent years compromising to please my husband/boyfriend, and then that is when I start to wonder if I wouldn't be better staying single.

But I do miss the companionship, the friendship, the laughter and the intimacy. I do want a family and I do want to raise children with someone I can call my best friend and my soulmate.

But that is why relationships are so very special when they do happen. I believe that the right person for you, is someone that just naturally allows you to be that person that you want to be. You will have to compromise and learn to live together, but you can still fundamentally be that person that you cultivated in your time alone. But not only that, they will bring out the best parts of you, that you hadn't even discovered yet and you will truely be a better person for having them in your life.

But this sort of person doesn't come along everyday, which is what makes them special and normally only appears when you no longer need them, but simply desire them. So my advice to you is to cherish the time that you spend being single: explore yourself, re-discover who you are and start to live thelife you really want. But keep an open heart and desire to find your soulmate, but don't rely on them appearing. Then hopefully one day someone willl walk into your life and see what a truly wonderful and fulfilled person you are, and will synergystically enhance the life that you have created for yourself. You will be as much the person that you want to be, and so much more, with someone who is just - right.

At least that is what I am believing in....



Grisha
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27 Feb 2011, 11:40 am

SurfMaggie wrote:
Grisha - I think the goal should not be about being happy single, but just being happy. I have a tendency to throw myself into a relationship completely, to the point that I spend all my time trying please my man, and fit in with the things that he likes and wants to do. Compromise of this sort has its place, but should not be to the detriment to who YOU are as a person. I'm then fearful ending these relationships because so much of who I am has become wrapped up in them, and when I eventually walk away, I feel like I an empty shell of a person - one who has been completely extinguished by the other person and the relationship.

Then I undertake a period of re-discovery (which I am doing right now) where I take up all those hobbies I let slip while in a relationship, I start to fullfill my dreams, I read the books I've wanted to read for ages, I go on holiday to wonderful places and I get my life back in to some sort of order, with myself as a high priority.

That's when I then wonder about a new relationship and whether I really do want one. I
realise that I like the person that I have rediscovered, and that I didn't really recognise myself when I was in a relationship. I marvel at how much I value my own company and a little solitude, and I wonder if being in a realtionship will eliminate this little pleasure from my life. I look at the activities I have started and the adventures I am going on, and I think back to how I spent years compromising to please my husband/boyfriend, and then that is when I start to wonder if I wouldn't be better staying single.

But I do miss the companionship, the friendship, the laughter and the intimacy. I do want a family and I do want to raise children with someone I can call my best friend and my soulmate.

But that is why relationships are so very special when they do happen. I believe that the
right person for you, is someone that just naturally allows you to be that person that you want to be. You will have to compromise and learn to live together, but you can still fundamentally be that person that you cultivated in your time alone. But not only that, they will bring out the best parts of you, that you hadn't even discovered yet and you will truely be a better person for having them in your life.

But this sort of person doesn't come along everyday, which is what makes them special and normally only appears when you no longer need them, but simply desire them. So my advice to you is to cherish the time that you spend being single: explore yourself, re-discover who you are and start to live thelife you really want. But keep an open heart and
desire to find your soulmate, but don't rely on them appearing. Then hopefully one day someone willl walk into your life and see what a truly wonderful and fulfilled person you are, and will synergystically enhance the life that you have created for yourself. You will be as much the person that you want to be, and so much more, with someone who is just - right.

At least that is what I am believing in....


That is awesome! Thanks! :)



mv
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27 Feb 2011, 11:56 am

Grisha wrote:
I'm pretty much at the point that I'm ready to stop banging my head against the romance wall, I gave it my best shot and it just didn't work out.

Anyone out there just give up on the whole thing and just forget about it and move on?

How did you do it? What is it like? Any tips for making it easier?


Me, I gave up. At least for the last year and for the foreseeable future. The only things I regret about it are:

1) no sex, and
2) yet another layer of alienation from everyone else; no one, not women and not men, trusts an (reasonably) attractive woman alone.

Tips on handling it: I'm living as healthy as I can. Lots of exercise, scrupulous about my diet, limiting alcohol. And then I try to count the good things in my life without introducing the bad things that go with them: my career, my kids, my self-awareness and empowerment, my stability, etc.



Last edited by mv on 27 Feb 2011, 11:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Feb 2011, 11:56 am

MCalavera wrote:
Well, knowing that I would have to be "forced" to get married eventually by my silly Lebanese culture, I'm quite happy being single at the moment. And living in Australia, it's not difficult to be sexually satisfied.


8O




<------

:lol: hahahahhaaha , hallelujah!


Don't worry, you're going to face some social/peer/family pressure when you become older (I am living it) , my coworkers tried to do few set ups for me ( and I hated it and made it sure to not happen again) but nothing can really force you, you'll cope with it . Anyways, you'll be able to live on your own outside the Lebanese ghetto , in case you live in the ghetto.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 27 Feb 2011, 12:03 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Fudo
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27 Feb 2011, 12:00 pm

lotusblossom wrote:
Fudo wrote:
lotusblossom wrote:
I think as well there is a difference between being sad/happy about being single in general and being sad/happy about a particular person rejecting/wanting one. I never understood people who cry because they so want a bf/gf, I can understand crying about a particular person but not just a general wanting a partner. I think too many people think haveing a partner will complete them or make them happy where as in reality relationships are a 'mixed bag' and quite a lot of work and can cause lots of pain. I think people are more likely to find wholeness and happiness through self exploration rather than through a relationship.


is this a general comment LB? or directed at me..

either way, i can understand why people would be sad with a lack of a partner.. maybe definition of what a partner is differs more than i had supposed though..?

some people have had 'enough' or even 'too much' introspection & want to share some of themselves, even if they risk getting hurt. methinks people get 'put off' too easily, if they really want to be single then it's fine to not look for a significant other, hopefully this is true of most on here
not me though. as i said, if i had friends i might feel differently but atm i have none.

was not directed at you, just general.

Im not very empathetic and did not think about how it would sound to you.


ah ok, kinda seemed like it might've been directed but i often misinterpret things like that.
sounded a bit 'down ' on relationships but that's just my interpretation. i wouldn't worry about how it sounds to others, not on WP anyway, i imagine most people here worry about that enough in real life. lol



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27 Feb 2011, 12:02 pm

Grisha wrote:
Quote:
I think we should start a WP undatable club... :)


I was kind of wondering if it was appropriate for me to post on L&D any more. I know there are no rules about this, but you know how Aspies think!

Alex needs to create an "Undatable" forum for us :wink:

But maybe we should give it a more positive name instead: how about "untamable" 8)


That would make me feel like I was a merkin


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mv
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27 Feb 2011, 12:15 pm

Moog wrote:
Grisha wrote:
Quote:
I think we should start a WP undatable club... :)


I was kind of wondering if it was appropriate for me to post on L&D any more. I know there are no rules about this, but you know how Aspies think!

Alex needs to create an "Undatable" forum for us :wink:

But maybe we should give it a more positive name instead: how about "untamable" 8)


That would make me feel like I was a merkin


Moog, that's now 2 new monitors you owe me! Major coffee spit-take!



The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Feb 2011, 12:21 pm

I would feel like the cutest merkin

Image


Access denied *ROAR* !



mv
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27 Feb 2011, 12:34 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I would feel like the cutest merkin

Image


Access denied *ROAR* !


now that's one nasty vagina dentata :lol: !



Esther
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27 Feb 2011, 1:00 pm

:lmao:

OMG, this is one of the funniest threads ever. I was already laughing back at what LordoftheMonkeys wrote, but the last page so far takes the prize. I say better "untamable" than "untouchable".

And here you go, Grisha: Adopt a Pussycat :wink:



Grisha
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27 Feb 2011, 1:12 pm

mv wrote:
Grisha wrote:
I'm pretty much at the point that I'm ready to stop banging my head against the romance wall, I gave it my best shot and it just didn't work out.

Anyone out there just give up on the whole thing and just forget about it and move on?

How did you do it? What is it like? Any tips for making it easier?


Me, I gave up. At least for the last year and for the foreseeable future. The only things I regret about it are:

1) no sex, and
2) yet another layer of alienation from everyone else; no one, not women and not men, trusts an (reasonably) attractive woman alone.

Tips on handling it: I'm living as healthy as I can. Lots of exercise, scrupulous about my diet, limiting alcohol. And then I try to count the good things in my life without introducing the bad things that go with them: my career, my kids, my self-awareness and empowerment, my stability, etc.


Of course #1 sucks (and I will personally beat the crap out of anyone who writes "buy a vibrator" on this thread) :wink: but personally I don't give a f*ck what people think.

Why wouldn't people trust you? Most people in this situation worry about being labeled as gay even though they're not, something I could not care less about...



zen_mistress
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27 Feb 2011, 1:52 pm

I have always liked the word "gherkin".


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Last edited by zen_mistress on 27 Feb 2011, 1:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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27 Feb 2011, 1:54 pm

SurfMaggie wrote:
Grisha - I think the goal should not be about being happy single, but just being happy. I have a tendency to throw myself into a relationship completely, to the point that I spend all my time trying please my man, and fit in with the things that he likes and wants to do. Compromise of this sort has its place, but should not be to the detriment to who YOU are as a person. I'm then fearful ending these relationships because so much of who I am has become wrapped up in them, and when I eventually walk away, I feel like I an empty shell of a person - one who has been completely extinguished by the other person and the relationship.

Then I undertake a period of re-discovery (which I am doing right now) where I take up all those hobbies I let slip while in a relationship, I start to fullfill my dreams, I read the books I've wanted to read for ages, I go on holiday to wonderful places and I get my life back in to some sort of order, with myself as a high priority.

That's when I then wonder about a new relationship and whether I really do want one. I realise that I like the person that I have rediscovered, and that I didn't really recognise myself when I was in a relationship. I marvel at how much I value my own company and a little solitude, and I wonder if being in a realtionship will eliminate this little pleasure from my life. I look at the activities I have started and the adventures I am going on, and I think back to how I spent years compromising to please my husband/boyfriend, and then that is when I start to wonder if I wouldn't be better staying single.

But I do miss the companionship, the friendship, the laughter and the intimacy. I do want a family and I do want to raise children with someone I can call my best friend and my soulmate.

But that is why relationships are so very special when they do happen. I believe that the right person for you, is someone that just naturally allows you to be that person that you want to be. You will have to compromise and learn to live together, but you can still fundamentally be that person that you cultivated in your time alone. But not only that, they will bring out the best parts of you, that you hadn't even discovered yet and you will truely be a better person for having them in your life.

But this sort of person doesn't come along everyday, which is what makes them special and normally only appears when you no longer need them, but simply desire them. So my advice to you is to cherish the time that you spend being single: explore yourself, re-discover who you are and start to live thelife you really want. But keep an open heart and desire to find your soulmate, but don't rely on them appearing. Then hopefully one day someone willl walk into your life and see what a truly wonderful and fulfilled person you are, and will synergystically enhance the life that you have created for yourself. You will be as much the person that you want to be, and so much more, with someone who is just - right.

At least that is what I am believing in....


@Maggie, from your prior posts, it seems like you're doing a lot of work to try to figure out why you've engaged in this pattern of subjugating yourself/your needs to your partner's. I hope you find your answers. You seem like a nice girl who has a habit of picking guys who are not so nice. Perhaps consider the similarities that exist between the traits of your partners and those of your family of origin? We often gravitate toward people who evoke the same kind of feelings we have for our parents, caregivers, etc. The problem occurs when our parents, caregivers, etc., didn't behave in ways that were emotionally and/or psychologically healthy....leaving us in an unhealthy dynamic: dysfunction attracting dysfunction.

You do have ultimate responsibility for your own behavior in a relationship: you don't have to - and IMO, shouldn't - stop being you in order to be a partner. It's up to you to make the decisions that will maintain your identity, acknowledge your needs, and keep you as an equal partner in the relationship. You're allowed to have "alone" time, time that you want to devote to your interests and hobbies - you're allowed to be you. In this culture (and I say this to acknowledge that women around the world are not free), no one can take that away from you. So why would you willing give up those aspects of who you are for some guy?


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