I don't want to date poor people

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wefunction
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12 Mar 2011, 9:08 am

auntblabby wrote:
wefunction wrote:
There is no middle class. It's a marketing gimmick used by politicians to get you to support whatever crap they're trying to sell.


there IS a middle class, it is composed of uppity working class folk who fancy themselves as a cut above their proletarian brethren, and who believe they on an automatic and exclusive upward escalator which will deliver them to the upper class.


I stand corrected.



hale_bopp
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12 Mar 2011, 9:34 am

auntblabby wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
People can have control over their finances.


inasmuch as the skipper of the titanic had control over how fast his ship sank.


I said "can" not "do"



Grisha
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12 Mar 2011, 10:01 am

I am generally completely indifferent to how much a potential partner makes, but I had an OKC "match" once that had money and had bought into the whole "status" lifestyle thing.

I couldn't get away fast enough...she was like so caught up in "looking" successful I don't even think she knew who she really was any more.

Give me a poor girl any day... :)



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12 Mar 2011, 10:13 am

Depends on why they're poor. And what poor means. Are we talking low income? Or low wealth/assets? The two of these things sometimes don't go hand in hand.
Being poor can be indicative of things, such as inability to manage finance, poor financial discipline or lack of career. In an ideal world, people would want their partner to contribute as much financially as they do, so I understand people's reluctance to date someone who is considered poor. If poor financial discipline is the culprit, by all means don't date them, as they'll just end up blowing your hard earned money as well as their own. But if they've just had some bad luck/hardship financially, or they're unable to get themselves in a better place financially (due to disability etc), or they're working towards being in a better financial position (studying for a career etc) then they should be given the benefit of the doubt and be considered a worthwhile date.

Also being poor doesn't neccessarily mean they're in a lower class. They could be earning a decent paycheck but have not a dime left in the bank at the end of the week cause they blow it all. They'd still be classed as middle class even if that were the case ("class" is determined by annual income). But there, that's a good example of someone with poor financial discipline.

It's probably just the ignorant assumptions of people who are poor that the OP is failing to look past.



The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Mar 2011, 10:28 am

Quote:
Since atheists got to poo-poo in the religion thread, I'm going to do my thing here:


I can't see the relation, what this has anything to do with this thread?



The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Mar 2011, 10:30 am

Rezdis wrote:
Does this make me a bad person?
I'm middle class and I only want to date people who are middle or upper class. Yet I always seem to have people poorer then me ask me and I feel bad when that is the main reason I don't want to go out with them but it's true.
Also when poor people want to date me how do I brush them off?


Nope, It just makes you a typical woman.

**Dun DUN DUNNNNNN** http://www.dramabutton.com/



keira
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12 Mar 2011, 11:27 am

I never refused to go out with someone just because they were poor but to be completely honest I must admit that money do matter. At least to some extent. And it's not because I want a man who would spend money on me but there are things that I really enjoy that require money. I enjoy theatre, cinema, good wine and good food. I can afford this myself but I wouldn't want to pay for both of us all the time. And if I'm with someone who can't afford things like that it would upset me. It's also quite often that people who can't afford things like that are not even interested in it. So I think it's not the question of money that matters but the lifestyle.
It is also important how a person in question feels about the situation. If he's just in a bad place at the moment but is really trying to make things better I could see myself with that kind of person. Maybe even help if I can. But if the person is happy just sitting on a sofa watching bad tv and not even trying to get a better job or anything, well that would be a problem :?



Dantac
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12 Mar 2011, 11:34 am

I do think its wrong not wanting to date someone because of economic status. Fact of life is, you do not know why he is poor or if you choose a wealthy man, why he is wealthy. More importantly you can not know his 'class' based on how fat or thin his wallet is.

I can give you an excellent example from my family. My cousin's family is very wealthy. They own farms and properties in several countries. He was raised living in a huge home with maids and every other year his father would get him a new motorcycle or car for his birthday. He did this for each of their 4 kids.

Being a rich kid he cared less about school. He flunked every year and every year his father would 'donate' to the school so he would passed to the next grade. Lets just say he's not stupid he just chose to remain ignorant... after all, why bother since he was always the best dressed, the best equipped (cars,cellphones, bikes), girls flocked to him because of it and from his point of view growing up, work was for people who didnt have money.

Fast forward to his 17th bday. His dad made some bad money choices and they lost a significant amount of money. His bikes, cars and other privileges suddenly disappeared. He still dressed well and kept a bike and one car and had spending money but he lived at home with his parents, no job and no job skills other than being able to drive.

That was when they moved to the US. When he got here (US) he had nothing but his wardrobe and his dad's allowance...which was now 50% less due to the $$ exchange rate/purchasing power. Even though, he still bought himself a bike and spent his days loafing.. he didnt work and since he was so ignorant he could not complete high school so he did a GED by mail...and it was his mother doing the schoolwork for him so he could have the diploma and try to get a job. LOL him.. get a job.

Anyways.. here's why I'm typing all this: He was still well dressed, bike owning guy who'se life was spent around girls fawning him.. so it was not hard for him to keep getting girls because he still LOOKED as if he was wealthy (and he did have good spending money from his allowance).

6 years and 20 something girlfriends later (he kept dumping them when a prettier one or a better one in bed came up) his dad's money income again was hit hard. At that point his dad was working two jobs to keep their home in the US as all the money from overseas was tied paying for the upkeep of the overseas properties. His allowance disappeared completely.

He could not get any job because ..well, he was a well dressed, well mannered and well spoken but he could barely multiply. He was 23 and had no job to put on his resume..at all. Another relative living in the city got him a job as a parking valet.

It was because of that job that he was able to keep his bike ..and he spent the rest of the money keeping the current GF. The sad thing is, this girl really loved him and they were even discussing marriage. To her he was the best thing since sliced bread. That changed however when she found out he had no degree, had only worked once in his life as a valet and was spending all his money on his bike and fancy dates with her. All this time she had been told he was involved with his dad's business and that he was going through university part-time.

So yes, she was very upset he had mislead her and that ended the marriage talk but she did not dump him. Love is a strange thing. Two years later as she got to know the real him she gave him the ultimatum: if he wanted to be with her he HAD to start going to college.

A year later she dumped him. He did enroll in college but could not pass the college prep classes (his test scores were so low he had to start at the equivalent of catch-up non-credit classes).

Why I say this? OP: The wealthy guy you may end up dating may be a loser with money. If my cousin had not had the monetary misfortunes she wouldve married him and maybe have kids by now... but he would still be a loser who wont hold a job worth a damn. Without his dads money my cousin is nothing..and he is one of four kids so when the time comes and my uncle passes away (which he almost did from a brain tumor couple months ago..he's ok now) she wouldve been stuck supporting him and their kids and he wouldve never amounted to anything worth it.

So you're right.. dont date the guy thats homeless on the street level of poor... but refusing to date someone who works hard and spends smart is not a bad choice.. for hey, you could end up dating my rich-looking, rich-talking cousin and working your ass off to support him and any kids you have.



Grisha
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12 Mar 2011, 12:03 pm

@Dantac

This is a perfect example of not being able to really know someone's economic status by looking at them. The guy driving a Mercedes might be broke, the guy driving a Hyundai might be loaded.

Some people crave status, I just take the money and skip the status part...



keira
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12 Mar 2011, 12:06 pm

well dating someone who is way wealthier than you could cause the same problems. I did go out on a couple of dates with someone really wealthy. He's a great and interesting guy but things didn't work out because of the same reason - our lifestyles were too different. So I guess it all comes down to compatibility. I just hate this double standart: that if you refuse to get involved with a man wealthier than you then you're a strong and independent woman but if you refuse to get involved with a man who is poorer than you then you're a b**** :?



wefunction
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12 Mar 2011, 1:30 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
Since atheists got to poo-poo in the religion thread, I'm going to do my thing here:


I can't see the relation, what this has anything to do with this thread?


If you'd read the rest of my comment, it would make sense. Don't be too literal. Accept the comparison or I will be forced to thrash you again.



wefunction
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12 Mar 2011, 1:38 pm

Grisha wrote:
@Dantac

This is a perfect example of not being able to really know someone's economic status by looking at them. The guy driving a Mercedes might be broke, the guy driving a Hyundai might be loaded.

Some people crave status, I just take the money and skip the status part...


That reminds me of when I was single. A single friend of mine was "ooo"ing over a man who drove past in an expensive looking BMW. "You know he has money." she said. I replied, "No, we know he has a BMW. He probably can't even afford soap after his car payment and insurance." She had a good laugh at that but I was being serious. People can be car poor. Fancy cars never impress me. Show me the man with a beat up, scratched and worn pick-up truck and I can see a man who's active, adventurous, puts his money elsewhere, probably has mechanical skills to keep that hooptie running, and likely has an ethic to help friends out because everybody calls the guy with the truck when they have to move.



Brianruns10
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12 Mar 2011, 1:45 pm

Rezdis wrote:
Does this make me a bad person?
I'm middle class and I only want to date people who are middle or upper class. Yet I always seem to have people poorer then me ask me and I feel bad when that is the main reason I don't want to go out with them but it's true.
Also when poor people want to date me how do I brush them off?


It possibly makes you a bad person. It all depends on WHY their poverty turns you off. My income last year places me in the poverty bracket, but I don't consider myself poor. And I wouldn't have a problem dating a similarly stationed person, assuming they regard it as a temporary station. We can't all start at 40K a year. Some of us have take longer. I'm a filmmaker, and it's f*****g hard to make ends meet, let alone continue to make films that will further my career. But I'm working hard, and I'm confident sooner or later I'll find material success (though that is not the goal...it just would be nice to have some security and liquidity). And so if the other person is poor because they just haven't gotten their big break, or they've got debt from school, or whatever, but they're hard working and want to rise up, that's a great quality in a person.

If the person is poor because they're f*****g stupid, lazy content to live on welfare and smoke pot, then I'd not even care to give them the time of day.



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12 Mar 2011, 2:42 pm

Quote:
I don't want to date poor people


How about you prune them instead.


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12 Mar 2011, 3:00 pm

Moog wrote:
Quote:
I don't want to date poor people


How about you prune them instead.


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12 Mar 2011, 3:28 pm

auntblabby wrote:
wefunction wrote:
There is no middle class. It's a marketing gimmick used by politicians to get you to support whatever crap they're trying to sell.


there IS a middle class, it is composed of uppity working class folk who fancy themselves as a cut above their proletarian brethren, and who believe they on an automatic and exclusive upward escalator which will deliver them to the upper class.


Economically, I was middle/upper middle class for some of my childhood, and down right poor for the rest. Here are the differences.

Economically...
The middle/upper middle class generally live in nicer housing, have more credit, and use more credit. They tend to have more job stability, and either manage various types of savings or live pay check to paycheck. They are more likely to have 401k's and IRA's. And yes, they do have more of a false sense of security.

Socially, you can have a socially low or working class person who is economically middle class, or upper middle class, and you can have a middle or upper middle class person who is socially low class. People tend to not migrate in class socially regardless of their financial status.