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giving up.

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cshey
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

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Joined: 12 Jan 2011
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 53
Location: on the 13th floor

04 Jun 2011, 11:41 am

soldner wrote:
cshey wrote:
Sunshower has a great point about compatibility. In my opinion, chemistry can pique one's interest, but to have a healthy relationship you do need to have some compatibility.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems as though you are imposing that compatibility and chemistry are two different things. Compatibility is just one single ingredient in the massive mix of what needs to occur in order for there to be a connection ammongst two individuals (communication, sexual attraction, body language, compatibility etc). Chemistry is the result of all the smaller variables coming together, giving people those butterflies in their tummies. If even one of the ingredients is missing, chemistry will not occur. This is where I fall, due to my inability to communicate both verbally and emotionally.


You make a good point, but I actually DO think of chemistry as being something different than compatibility. Chemistry, for me, seems to be more of an immediate spark that may or may not last for very long. It's beyond physical attraction for sure, and there are probably some elements of compatibility too. But for me, true compatibility is more of a long term thing. One that you learn about each other over time and find that you have a deeper foundation of similarities, goals, perspectives, motivations...

I can have great chemistry with a man but it can fizzle out over the short run. Compatibility doesn't usually fizzle out. That's how I look at it anyways.

Regarding your inability to communicate well, both verbally and emotionally, I do want to say that I'm sure there are plenty of ladies out there that would be happy to get to know you and learn how best to communicate with you, if you were also inclined to try to learn how to communicate best with her.

Speaking from personal experience, honest, open communication doesn't have to be eloquent. It can even be awkward. It's the effort that matters. The attempt to communicate ones needs, wants etc. Bottom line: Relationships can be messy and communication can be tough, whether you're an NT or not.

I'm sure there are many other ladies who'd share my perspective, so please don't give up! There's someone great out there who'll love you for exactly who you are. :)