Am I good enough for a good man?

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Don't give up Erisad. There is a man out there for you. We're not all bad! Internet dating might not be the right way to find him though

The internet is the only way as I have no friends at home and can't drive to get anywhere. It's my only hope. Without it, I may as well get my tubes tied for I'll never find anyone here and mom won't let me leave.

imho, the internet when it comes to that kind of thing is more for finding 'friends with benefits' or casual 'flings'. Though there are some web pages that are dedicated to relationships. But I think you might find (even if its painful) being patient and meeting someone IRL will work out better. I also think dating sites put too much pressure on individuals. You each know why you're there (which I guess can be seen as breaking some ice) and it makes definite (and sometimes unrealistic) expectations in signing up for those kinds of sites. In my experience worthwhile relationships tend to arrive when you really are not looking and don't have serious expectations. You're a very nice person, you are attractive and smart, and I am certain you will encounter a man who is worth your while. You are certainly good enough! Good men want women like you!

I don't have that kind of time. If I keep waiting, before I know it I'll be a menopausal and bitter spinster. I can't stay here forever. I need out. I need to go to a place where I'm actually allowed to cry without getting yelled at by my mom and brother. Some family. f**k them all.

Well perhaps when you move out and have stabilized your life you will feel better about it. Menopause is a loooong way away. lol

Yes, one day I'll look back on the days of my mother and brother yelling at me for crying and laugh. Right. We'll probably hate each other forever.

I meant feel more confident about meeting someone and feel happier yourself, sorry. I don't think I would forgive such behavior either

OK, a few things:

1. Your problem comes from extrapolation. That being: "I did not meet the right person in the last year, so I'm NEVER going to meet the right person."

To put it another way, this is how you're thinking it works:



Edit: Or else one of these:





This is how it actually works (x axis is variable):



2. In my mother's family, there are women that have had children, and women that have never been married (and never had children). The difference is not just random. The ones that have gotten married (and, from what I understand, all under the age of 30) sought out love. The ones that didn't never sought love. It's that simple. If you look for it, you will find it. Sometimes, though, it takes time. (Actually, to be fair, my mother wasn't exactly looking for love... at least, not when she found my dad)

3. I have been of the belief that dating is not the ideal way to meet the right person. At least, not the way that people generally do. You don't need to date someone to know them. And, if they aren't meant for you, you may end up with a friend (and you won't end up with heartbreak).

Internet dating (or non-dating) is a bit of a mixed issue. On the one hand, it lets you get to know somebody without worry that physical attraction isn't clouding your judgement. On the other hand, there's a lot that cannot be conveyed online.

(referencing chart) I wish it only took 4 years or 4 guys to find the one. That would make it much easier on me and I would be a lot happier.

I don't know. My life's so messed up right now.

Sorry. I should have labelled them. Yeah, the x-axis is years.

Just because you don't find the right guy in the first few years you look doesn't mean you won't find one. Like I said, you're extrapolating. That's not how it works.

What makes you assume that, just because you haven't found the right guy in the past few years, you won't find the right guy within the next 10? It's extrapolation. And it doesn't work.

It's just saying I don't have a good track record, which can reflect my future performance. Or that good guys simply don't exist in America.

You're 21. Sorry to be blunt, but I think your desperation will scare off more normal guys than your weight. Being someone elses' saviour is scary, especially if the guys you're looking at are only in their 20s themselves...

Enjoy your life and your youth. Yes, you might not find a guy. That is a reality; I know people who didn't meet Mr Right until they were in their 40s. Thats a long time to potentially wait for Prince Charming and you're no less likely to meet him if you get out and go find hobbies and things that interest you, so what's to lose by focusing on other parts of your life rather than pining away?

In my home area, there's nothing that interests me. If I actually believed in Christianity or was a sports fan of any kind, then there would be opportunities for me. Also, I'm trying to focus on my health, getting my license and getting a job. See anything in common? None of these things are fun. I want to do fun stuff. I see my friend once a week if I'm lucky. My friend's getting married in July and I'm in her bridal party so this has been on my mind a lot lately. I wish I had my life together like she does. Of course she's 25, so she's older than me. I don't think I could wait that long to have a place of my own, a job, and a fiance. If you knew how boring my life was now, you'd know why I'm dying to get out of here. D:

I thought before that you two can be a good match, but I am not sure anymore. You don't seen wanting someone who's similar to you but someone who's more experienced than Toad, and the opposite of him.

Your good enough to find a guy that will. Won't to be wih you never give up their are pleny of guys out their you will find some one

Why would I want someone similar to me? I suck. D: