What's saddening....

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Fine, you win. I've ceased to give a crap about it.

I agree here. A relationship is something I thought I desired my entire life. However, I have no idea how that works or even what a successful relationship looks like. Based on experiences over the last 20 years or so, I would only know what rejection looks like, and I know that well. I would be OK with being single in life if it wasn't for everyone else that thinks it is a problem.

Things I'm subjected to as a single male at 30 with no relationship history:

- Endless questions about when I'm going to find "that person" or what my "type" is.
- Accusation or joke about being homosexual.
- Random attempts at hooking me up with friends.
- Constantly being the odd one out when couples are around. (Only makes me more on the outside)

I've also learned that my view of the perfect relationship is far from what most girls would consider normal. The best way I can describe it is, "Having a committed lifelong female roommate."

I enjoy my life and see being single as an advantage most of the time, but there are times when it really hurts. Knowing what that feels like, I don't think I could ever will it away. What's made it hurt more over time is not age, but the number of times I have opened up and been hurt by another person.

Hm... interesting thread.

Like many of the people on this site, I too have been extremely bereft of relationship experiences. When I was younger (middle school, early high school) I would get intense crushes on all these people. Because of my social issues, I convinced myself that romantically nothing would ever happen to me and I would be alone my entire life. I would never tell anyone (not even friends) about my crushes because "I just knew" that they would go horribly wrong.

I was so depressed about this much of the time, never thought I would have more then 2 friends, never lose my virginity or even kiss someone! But I got to this place of acceptance with this and with myself, was like "whatever. There's hella awesome stuff to do in life anyway, I can live alone with dogs and cats in a beautiful place, have a million books, work as a teacher and I will be happy." I would fluctuate between being "fine, happy" and "super depressed" but overall I think I was happy. I think it's really important to reach this place with yourself, to be o.k. with yourself and your life as it is, to be independent and not need anyone. (there is a difference between "need" and "want")

Then, during junior year of high school, I "broke out of my shell" as it were and started hanging out with more people then my only 2 friends I had had for the previous 6 years. Suddenly, I had a large(ish) group of friends! Hung out and partied (kinda. I still don't like parties but I like small get-togethers) Suddenly, for the first time in my life, I didn't care at all about not having a boyfriend. I was so content with good friends!

It was right after I became content that I "got" my first bf. AKA he approached me and "broke the ice" as it were. We were together for 3&1/2 years, lots of ups and downs, (I could talk about this relationship forever but I'm going to try not to) eventually we had a mutual breakup after he cheated on me once we were both at college. He felt really bad about it, it was a very understandable human mistake, and we are still friends.

However, breaking up with him totally devastated me even though I knew it was the right thing. I was hysterical, extremely depressed, and just lost/confused for the next month or so. I had gotten so used to having a bf that I couldn't handle being alone again! To top it off, my roommate totally took advantage of me while I was in this state, used me, then completely ignored me for the next 3 months when I came back to my parents for the summer. Heartbreak on top of heartbreak!

This was all about a year ago. Ever since then, I have had no one hit on me, nothing even remotely kind of happen even though I am in college, have a bunch of friends, am no longer as socially whacked as I used to be, etc. All of my NT or non NT friends have had multiple bf/gf experiences (like 5-20,) kissed/slept with more people then they can remember, everyone in college is constantly hooking up... It kinda sucks. Even my best male friend who has OCD/ADD and has a lot of the same social issues as I do (can't approach girls, obsessive and overanalyzes even potential/nonexistant interests) CONSTANTLY gets approached by girls. He has gone through like 3 gfs and 5 hookups in the 2 years I've known him!

The worst part is I am (have been told by many people this, not that I really think it about myself) very attractive, nice body, fit, fun interesting, smart, friendly, etc. So I can't even blame this on being ugly or boring or antisocial!

I even met this Aspie dude who I really got along with, became his close friend, finally admitted my feelings to him because I was like "finally! someone who will understand my paralyzing fear!" but he was "flattered, but focused on his work." WTF? dude was 29 and still a virgin, never had been kissed! I thought he would leap on the opportunity to be with a 21 year old who understood and accepted all his quirks!

Anyway, to wrap this all up even though I have had experience, am not a virgin etc. it still sucks. Especially cuz I still have no idea how to flirt, etc. Both of the people who I have kissed or had anything happen with approached me, told me how they felt, so I didn't have to do anything. I still have 0 experience in the dating field. Once I have someone, I do have experience, but that doesn't really help me now does it? Coming back to the place where I am just trying not to care and accept that I will be alone.

However, I have realized one thing: most NTs, or just people who are in and out of a lot of relationships/have a lot of experience, can't handle being alone and independent for more then a few months! They are completely dependent on people being attracted to them for their self-esteem! My Brazilian NT friend who is very attractive, constantly hit on, always in a relationship, hasn't gone more then a month or two without someone! One time I was ranting to her about how lonely I felt, and that I felt guilty for being lonely because I don't think I should depend on someone else to be happy and complete, told me that it was OK to feel the way I did cuz she felt the same way after she broke up with here last bf! She got another bf within 2 months! I, meanwhile, have been alone for 12 months now! Drives me crazy!

Sorry for the long post. I just feel like I really understand both the "nonexperienced, lonely" feeling and the "experienced" feeling.