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Does anyone else have trouble dumping people

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Miron121
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25 Jul 2011, 9:26 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
uhhhh maybe just tell the person you are not really feeling it anymore and part ways? it's pretty easy to do.


It's easy to say that but he OP just told you that's the problem. Did you not read the post?

I understand nothing about physics but if I post a question about it
and the OP post up...no way dude, that stuff's easy.

I would consider it rude to say the least.

I had a similar issue, wanting to avoid confrontation it took several years before my one and failed
relationship ran it's course.



hyperlexian
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25 Jul 2011, 9:35 pm

Miron121 wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
uhhhh maybe just tell the person you are not really feeling it anymore and part ways? it's pretty easy to do.


It's easy to say that but he OP just told you that's the problem. Did you not read the post?

I understand nothing about physics but if I post a question about it
and the OP post up...no way dude, that stuff's easy.

I would consider it rude to say the least.

I had a similar issue, wanting to avoid confrontation it took several years before my one and failed
relationship ran it's course.

i think we have different takes on what the real problem is... the issue isn't breaking up with her, the issue is respecting her enough that he can see he is not doing her any good by staying. he is preventing her from finding happiness by holding onto her when he thinks she is beneath him and he does not love her.

there are two people involved, and he is thinking of himself primarily. yes she would be hurt briefly, but her life would be better if she was not dating someone who considered her to be below him.

if you really think the problem is how to leave, i think you've missed the point.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTiyLuZOs1A[/youtube]


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Miron121
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26 Jul 2011, 12:33 am

hyperlexian wrote:
if you really think the problem is how to leave, i think you've missed the point.


Then I missed it because that's exactly how I read it.

Because of his feelings either for himself or for her...he can't break it off...

Either way, for you to say it's easy, is over simplification of the situation.



hyperlexian
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26 Jul 2011, 7:03 am

Miron121 wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
if you really think the problem is how to leave, i think you've missed the point.


Then I missed it because that's exactly how I read it.

Because of his feelings either for himself or for her...he can't break it off...

Either way, for you to say it's easy, is over simplification of the situation.

maybe a better word is "straightforward" or "uncomplicated" or "simple". the actual act of breaking it off is not difficult by any means, but he doesn't want to do it.


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kittie
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26 Jul 2011, 8:14 am

I hate doing it and usually end up stalling (sometimes it's gone wrong, sometimes I've just been in shallow relationships :oops: ) . It's nervewracking as hell, sure, and I'm always afraid it'll go badly or I'm making the wrong decision, but I'm always glad I did it. I always know deep down that it's the right thing to do when a relationship has come to that point and feelings of fear/reluctance etc are just shallow.

If you take special care not to offend the person ("I still have great respect you as a person", and stressing this isn't a reflection upon them as a person), thoroughly explain why you're breaking it off (I always feel bad if I don't, and nothing is worse than "I don't think we should date anymore, bye"! IMO it helps clear things in both your minds), and making sure you're both alone in a comfortable environment, one you can both exit from at any time. Not in a group of people as that would be cruel and humiliating, yet not at one of your houses as, at best it's humiliating having to walk all the way back home after a break up and at worst you could end up in a dangerous situation.
I always try and make it feel like a discussion - the other person is obviously going to have a lot of emotions at the end of a relationship, and it sucks when you can't voice those opinions, so I always try to listen and respond the best I can rather than ploughing on with a pre-prepared speech. One of the things I'm always afraid of about break-ups is that I'm going to have to deal with strong emotions from the other person. Well, yeah, I am - but it helps to know I can deal with that. I know it's completely natural in this situation, and is no reflection on me nor does it mean I'm a bad person. Besides, I know it's so much kinder to break it off and give the other person a chance to find someone who can actually love them in the way they deserve, and I can go on to find someone I actually like without having to be trapped in a pointless relationship.
It's a sucky experience but I'm always glad it happened. It's always good to do the right thing - and it's only temporary. Being deceptive about a relationship lasts MUCH longer.

Some of my friends use the "So, how do you think this is going?" tactic.

May have rambled a little there... :P



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26 Jul 2011, 12:56 pm

kittie wrote:
I hate doing it and usually end up stalling (sometimes it's gone wrong, sometimes I've just been in shallow relationships :oops: ) . It's nervewracking as hell, sure, and I'm always afraid it'll go badly or I'm making the wrong decision, but I'm always glad I did it. I always know deep down that it's the right thing to do when a relationship has come to that point and feelings of fear/reluctance etc are just shallow.

If you take special care not to offend the person ("I still have great respect you as a person", and stressing this isn't a reflection upon them as a person), thoroughly explain why you're breaking it off (I always feel bad if I don't, and nothing is worse than "I don't think we should date anymore, bye"! IMO it helps clear things in both your minds), and making sure you're both alone in a comfortable environment, one you can both exit from at any time. Not in a group of people as that would be cruel and humiliating, yet not at one of your houses as, at best it's humiliating having to walk all the way back home after a break up and at worst you could end up in a dangerous situation.
I always try and make it feel like a discussion - the other person is obviously going to have a lot of emotions at the end of a relationship, and it sucks when you can't voice those opinions, so I always try to listen and respond the best I can rather than ploughing on with a pre-prepared speech. One of the things I'm always afraid of about break-ups is that I'm going to have to deal with strong emotions from the other person. Well, yeah, I am - but it helps to know I can deal with that. I know it's completely natural in this situation, and is no reflection on me nor does it mean I'm a bad person. Besides, I know it's so much kinder to break it off and give the other person a chance to find someone who can actually love them in the way they deserve, and I can go on to find someone I actually like without having to be trapped in a pointless relationship.
It's a sucky experience but I'm always glad it happened. It's always good to do the right thing - and it's only temporary. Being deceptive about a relationship lasts MUCH longer.

Some of my friends use the "So, how do you think this is going?" tactic.

May have rambled a little there... :P

excellent advice, kittie! i gotta say that some amazing insight on WP comes from people who are chronologically young (yet obviously wise)


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poopylungstuffing
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07 Aug 2011, 7:05 am

Roman wrote:
poopylungstuffing wrote:
I am in a really weird position. I am in a band with 3 exes and one former stalker.....


Wow ... Does it mean they were in the same band even BEFORE you dated any of them? I was always assuming that dating friends of your ex is unthought of, since this would most likely ruin the friendship between your ex and their friend you are dating. How did you manage to do it? That is, after you broke up with ex number 1, how did you manage to start dating ex number 2, who is a friend of ex number 1?


no...these are all people I have known for years.
Brian, my business partner, I dated for several years. He was always trying to pressure me into being "poly"...I was very resistant...but eventually started a relationship with a mutual friend of ours which lasted 2 years.
He ended up having a kid with his girlfriend...

Our drummer, I dated for 9 months when we were both 22...we are mutual friends out of cooincidence. He knew Flakey before I met Flakey...as did the guy who "stalked" me...He was a friend/acquaintance/co-worker from years back who in between my seeing him, was long-time "frienemy" of flakey..and musical collaborator.


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