Constant rejection from women is making me suicidal

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I don't think anyone was trying to hurt you. (At least I hope not). It's just that some of what you said was seen as being hurtful towards women and they were reacting to that.

I think it might be a good point to call it a day, as far as this thread goes. My concern is that it won't be cathartic for you. With the comments being thrown around by everyone, it's just going to make things worse. And, we certainly don't want that when you are already feeling suicidal.

I genuinely hope you feel better and are able to approach this with a clearer head soon.

Try to internalize this: You're not the only dude on here that has gone through this. I've been to doctors because of it, because I was suicidal. Now I made a choice, not to be bitter any more, to seek help, and to find joy and validation in my life outside of a relationship.

The advantage you have is that you know you have AS. I went through all the same BS you're going through, without a diagnosis, without knowing what was actually hampering my interactions. When I found out I had AS, it was such a relief because now I can address the issues and grow as a person. And that has helped tremendously.

You have that same choice too.

For the men posting in this thread,

It doesn't sound like you're very happy about your relationships with women either. Do you think defending them on an internet forum means they'll give you a chance? They won't. They'll use and abuse you like they have me.

Yes, it does hurt. After all, most of the women who come here don't come here because their life is so grand. I don't understand why these men who make such comments that women have it easier, or women with AS have it easier, feel the need to attack women in such a way or why they even feel they know what women go through. They obviously don't as they aren't women, and let's face it "putting one in another's shoes" is not something people with AS excel at unless they work at it.

This should be a support forum for people, men and women, with AS who are struggling in relationships. Not a place to attack women, or men because one doesn't get your way in life. The forum was a nice place again for a while until someone decided to come in here yet again and attack women.



I believe theory of mind issues is a large factor for the original poster. He has been given some very good advice and a lot of support from many members of WP before, some of them women, and he refuses to think for a moment that maybe his perceptions are wrong, and really consider that advice and make an attempt to understand the perceptions and logic of others. He is going to keep finding himself in frustrating situations unless he really works at acquiring a better theory of mind.

Nope. I am going to defend them because they were attacked for no reason.

Men do have motives other than 'to get me some poon-tang' sometimes.


And there you go, generalizing about people again.

People aren't stereotypes. Stereotypes are often based on something real, but not always.

You may have had bad experiences with some women, but that doesn't make all women heartless b*****s.

Sorry, you're not dragging me down into your self-loathing morass. What you seem to fail to realize is that you're not special in how you've been treated. In fact, it's not particular to those with AS, nor is it exclusive to men. What we each choose to do after that, however, is what makes us different.

You have, apparently, chosen to remain bitter. Realize that you've made that choice, and others in similar circumstances, have chosen otherwise. I'm not defending women on the internet because I think it 'gives me a chance.' I'm defending them against gross generalizations because it's the right thing to do.

edit: I also believe that you really need to seek a therapist if you haven't already.

Right here is a good illustration of what part of your problem is. As I previously said, you think a relationship is something that can be bought. You do something nice for a woman, and they give you a chance, but as I previously said, this isn't how relationships work

These men KNOW that defending women does not entitle them to a relationship, and they are not defending women to try to get into a relationship. They are defending women for the same reason they might defend any other group or person against whom an attack of fallacies has been launched.

They also know that they have Asperger's Syndrome, or at least have something similar, and have stopped to think about what that really means, and have concluded that they themselves are the root of their social problems, not others.

They at least make an attempt to understand the perspectives of others and overcome their concrete, black and what thinking.

Not meaning a social standard and or being lonely might be a reason to be depressed but you shouldn't kill yourself over it.

This is exactly right, even if you had resentment for women in general--the majority of people on this board have an incredibly hard time with relationships in general--your peers. Even if there were some women who were like what you described, this is the wrong place to attack them. The women who've posted have generally been trying to be sympathetic and give you advice.

There is hope. 28 is simply a number, i'm not saying your guaranteed a relationship, relationships should be based on compatibility imo. But there are so many people out there, that anyone who rejected you could by definition not be "the one" for you anyway.

If you want to increase your odds, improve yourself, work out, lift, read, the more things you have to work toward, the more you have in common with people. Companionship is simply sharing small things two people enjoy and eventually growing that into something bigger.

No one wants you to hurt yourself and we realize you're upset, so we hope that you cheer up and bounce back from this.

This is the last post I'm making. f**k this place and f**k life.

How so? The woman who hurt me is someone from this forum and in fact posted in this thread. When I told this woman I'd be perfectly happy just being FRIENDS, she still turned me down. Aspy women treat me with the same contempt NT women do.

And it all comes down to your attitude. You're sexist, negative and have a "you're all against me" attitude.

Don't complain when this is your attitude. Simply do not.

See a grief therapist for the rejection.

Edit: let's add ageist to that list.

People do not have an obligation to have a relationship with you, whether it be a friendship or a romantic relationship. Some people are not comfortable being friends with someone who has or had romantic feelings for them, and that's perfectly logical and valid because having relationships with such people often creates tension and negative situations for both individuals. However, a person is free to reject a relationship with someone for whatever reason they want.

Many of us have flat out have people tell us they don't want to be our friends. It can be very hurtful, I understand, but it's their right to not associate with those they do not want to associate with, even for something completely petty. My cousin won't be friends with anyone who's fat. I think that's stupid, he's probably missing out on some good friends, but that's his right.

Sometimes certain other people lack the capacity to appreciate the all-around fantasticness of another person the way a peach pit is unable to. Humans are imperfect beings with limits to what they have the capability to do as opposed to what they would want or what would be ideal for them to do. You have to sort through a lot of fundamentally incapable peach pits to reach a human being who will love you for all that you are.

I know exactly how bad rejection is because I and just about everyone else here has experienced it, and as the rule rather than the exception, us being Aspies.

My experience has been that most pretty girls, you know the pretty and famous ones like Victoria Justice, Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus dig men who are of equal qualities as them: extremely good looks, a lot of money and are also as popular as they are.

It has also been my experience that men with poor vision or poor health have less success with beautiful women in general. This I believe is genetic.

But if you don't have that and you can't control the type of women you are attracted to then it's not like it's the end of the world: just do everything you can to improve yourself as a person and strive to make yourself better than others in other areas of life.

Last edited by LikeGreenAndBlue on 26 Jul 2011, 10:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

this^

Sorry man. I wish I could say that I have an uplifting and optimistic point of view when it comes to relationships. But I don't. It hurts, no matter what your gender. It is human nature to want companionship. Desiring something greatly and being denied is too painful for words. I can't tell you how it might get better. I've felt pretty suicidal recently myself. I want to confide in my peers, but more often than not someone will accuse you of simply feeling sorry for yourself. It's hard for stronger people to understand the weak. Everyone has a breaking point. Everyone. Some people just seem to have the ability to handle adversity by hardening their hearts, manning up and mustering the courage to deal with it or simply get over it. Pain is pain. Only those who have experienced soul crushing despair can even hope to be able to understand what drives a person to want to kill themself. I am sorry for your pain. I am sorry you yearn for something that is being denied to you. Treat the women on this board with the same level of compassion you yearn for. Don't blame every woman for your pain. That just isn't the way.

I know what it means to desire a companion. To long for love and acceptance. To let one's hopes be raised only to be bitterly disappointed. It pains me to hear stories of others who have felt as alone as you are feeling. Because I know that pain. Because I feel it even as I type this. All can say is try.....try for the sake of ANYONE who might be hurt if you killed yourself. Don't inflict that kind of pain on them. Someone will miss you. Even if it seems like no one cares. Don't take your pain and place it on another person by killing yourself. I say this as much for my own benefit as for yours. Find those individuals that would mourn your loss. Make them your reason to live. Live to spare someone else pain if you must. It sounds unfair and that is because it is. You can't just live for your own benefit. No matter how much you want something, sometimes you are just not meant to have it. Take solice in that however Ironic it may sound. There is at least one person who understands. The is at least one person who has experienced your pain and because of that you are not alone.

Be brave. Because if you surrender your life to the dispair, others might follow you. Be brave for someone else. Protect those around you from pain. It is the burden of those who know pain and feel the pain of others. I have to be brave because I don't want to to inadvertantly hurt someone else. I want you to be brave for the same reason. I just hope this message has not come to late. Please don't give up. If you can survive then maybe there is hope for me and others like us. That is love as I understand it. Compassion for someone else. The kind of compassion people like you and I crave. If can not have love for yourself. Show it to others. Everything that we do. Every person that meet every life that we impact carries what and who we are and preserves it. Your actions matter. Your life matters. To someone. Humankind is connected in ways that defy reason. Nothing we do is without consequence. Whether we mean to our not we help shape the lives of those around us.

You know pain. If you can't take your own away. Ease someone elses or protect them by refusing to spread pain through your actions. There is no greater expression of love than self sacrifice to protect another. I know you can love. I know you can have compassion. You can because you know the need. There are those that need your compassion, just like you need it. Take care of yourself because there is always someone; even if they don't realize it; who's life would be made emptier for your absence. Be brave, Brother.

Practical attempt at keeping mouth shut #1