Proof that aspies can have successful relationships

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Unless you are hyperactive, think out loud and have a weird sense of humor. Some people simply can't fit in. Anyway, congratulations to all of you.

I agree, especially that the OP is very very very young. If he could make it that young, then that only means that he has less troubles than many of us.

It's not really out of the norm for a 19 years old guy to get a girlfriend, most NT guys would be the same at this age.

Sorry, but I can't personally find this thread encouraging, not even a bit, I can't relate per se, I am not saying he didn't have difficulties but his case is totally different than mine, he's 10 years younger and he's probably 10 years in relationship-wise ahead of me already. Unintentionally, the thread did the opposite effect, to me at least.


Anyways, congrats for the OP.

Yes,you have to keep trying .It sounds like a cliche but with each ''failure '' you will get closer to the one person you are meant to be with [at least for right now ].I think Aspie men need a woman who will meet us at our level to make a relationship happen ..It can be extremely hard for many Aspie men to ask someone out ,the right women in that particular case might be a woman who will really encourage him or even make the first move .

My boyfriend and I have been together for three months now, but we've been best friends for a year. I know it doesn't sound long at all and I would be worried if other people's relationships moved as quickly as ours has, but we're honestly and openly discussing marriage. After years and years of trying to fit in and change for people, someone has accepted me for who I am, not a problem-free version. He even lets me yell at him when I'm angry with him for last-minute changes to our plans!

I'm glad to see there's more of us who are in happy relationships!

I very much doubt it being alive feels like a prolonged death "meh" *

More of you should tap in to you "meh" no friends "meh" no hopes dreams or aspirations "meh" no GF "meh". *

Seriously these aspies who chase friendships,GF and "success" are quite probably unhinged depressive or something? well that's being my experiences anyway , get the more than often not co-morbid conditions under raps and you to will be able to tap in to to your innner "meh"

meh is not a bad place to be give it a try some time.

* lucky I own my own home bit hard to be in that mindset if your just starting out especiallly so in this market where it's like 30 times annnual earnings though I do exagerate it's more like 8 X back in the day it only cost me like 2.5 times "average " annual earnings

I see your point, but how can I get in touch with my inner "meh" when I have children to support? Plenty of time for that once they're out of the nest, I suppose...

I'm 22, have had a relationship since I was 17, and have a severe case of AS, not a "mild" case. The fact that I have a severe case doesn't prohibit my ability to have a relationship. There are people who are diagnosed with classic autism that have relationships. I very much doubt that I "have less troubles than many of us".

It's not about being "ahead" of people relationship-wise, its about there being the possibility of finding someone who fits you despite your AS. My boyfriend fits me amazingly, even with all my problems. He has to deal with a lot, and I feel incredibly guilty about everything he has to do for me. But we have a relationship despite those. The fact that he'd probably be qualified as a "mild" case of AS (definitely has impairments, definitely has far less than I do), helps us in particular, despite the fact that AS/AS relationships have downsides.

I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, I wasn't trying to date or hoping to find someone, I just was being myself and someone showed up, who despite all my social, emotional, sensory, and monetary challenges is a good fit for me. Someone who supports with me when I lose the ability to speak, deals with me when I have daily meltdowns, goes to the store and cleans the apartment for me when sensory issues are keeping me from doing so, and takes care of me when I can't take care of myself.

I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with just anyone. There is a lot preventing me from having relationships, from the fact that I have the emotional intelligence of a toddler in some manners, to the fact that I have no idea of how to develop a relationship with someone into a friendship or any idea how to read body language, to the fact that simply being in public is a problem for me and I've yet to see even someone on this board with more severe olfactory issues than I have. But none of these matter in my relationship, we do have to work at it, just like every relationship needs to be worked on; the fact that I'm disabled does cause different challenges, but in the end, we're happy together and love each other, and willing to do what each other needs [when its something we can do].

It's not about either severity or functioning level, its about people. We are people, and there are other people out there who can and will love us. There is hope, there is a chance, there is a possibility there rather than an impossibility.

However, I'm a strong supporter of people not actively trying to date, and not actively looking for relationships. From what I've seen the best ones come despite the fact that you're not trying.

MS is a physical terminal condition and autism affects someones behaviour. Therefore it is harder for an autistic to get or maintain a relationship than it is for someone with MS. BTW, some years ago my aunt died from MS.

Tuttle,

I found your post interesting, until I saw the word "boyfriend". I think you are a young woman. Things are different for men than for women if we talk about autistic men trying to find a girlfriend, or where the relationship failed.

This is taken from a post about how to beat incel(http://incel.myonlineplace.org/forum/sh ... php?t=6804)and I think it could be helpfull for other members(please keep in mind that I did not write it/dont attack me for posting this(attacking a member btw is against this site rules/tos))
6.1 Misogyny

"Radical feminists have ruined everything!"

"Women only like jerks and bad boys and alpha males. Not nice guys like me. f*****g b*****s." (This line of thinking is often tied in with 3.3: psuedo-science.)

6.3 Distorted Perceptions of the Social World

The deck is systemically stacked against "people like me." It's a conspiracy that the vast majority of fools fail to recognize, mainly because you and people like you are the ones bearing the brunt of it.
6.4 Grievance as a lifestyle

Everyone's out to get you. The world is conspiring against you. Anybody who pretends to be on your side is insincere, and their true colors will be revealed before long. You can't win.

6.5 "You're doomed, too."

It's one thing to condemn yourself to this fate. It is quite another to tell others they're equally screwed. Too many people don't like to go down alone. They want to drag others with them.

This are just a couple of examples that have appeared on this thread and show that you are setting yourself to failure. Im more than guilty of doing this(hence why I found the link on the first place) so I understand that its not easy but you must try to stop saying that you are a basket case and you should just give up if you want to eventually find a partner.

6.1 I don't have a clue what women want. They say they want a loving or caring man without issues, but these men may be considered (too) soft, and therefore unattractive. I cannot clear it up.

6.3 This idea is burnt into my brains by others. But in my case it is not as extreme as by other misogynists. If a woman likes me (or flirts with me) that's nice. Fine. Maybe she likes flirting. I don't think she wants more than just flirting or teasing in a soft way.

6.5 I don't speak for all other autistics. Some autistics with a relationships have an opposite way of thinking. "I have a relationship, so the rest of the autistics should be able to have a relationship as well." Different situations, different chances. I wish I could try to change my situation, but there must be adaptations in both directions. I had a stressing discussing in the past, that women demand me to adapt to them, but they don't want to adapt to me. The society is an NT society, so autistics must adapt, and the NT don't have to, is their reasoning. This also strengthens point 6.3.

We have discussed this already but here you go http://www.brotips.com/post/4294163660/17
The sole purpose of being nice cant be getting laid, it has to be that you genuinely care about others etc otherwise its just an act and most women are able to see through it.
Once females see that you are genuinely nice your chances of finding someone will improve(but as I mentioned before dont start being nice in an attempt to attract female attention).
Most females are attracted to males that are comfortable doing whatever they do(its a sign of confidence or something), if you like treating people nicely then do it but if its not you, try to find something else you are comfortable with.
Also theres a difference between being a nice guy and a doormat and while girls have no issue dating nice guys they have an issue dating doormats and you have to make sure you havent become one.


Ive had several bad ideas burnt into my brains by others(showing signs of baldness since I was 12 means I wont ever be given a chance, my naivety is going to stop me from going anywhere in life, my niceness is just going to help people talk advantage of me, and I could go on saying bs Ive been told several times by people in an attempt to bring me down).

But you know what after some therapy I realized that obsessing about this kind of things was stopping me from going anywhere in life... and by doing it I was proving they were right.

Society says you cant get a partner, change your self defeating attitude, go out there and prove society that its wrong.

Sorry but to my understanding "it is harder for an autistic to get or maintain a relationship than it is for someone with MS" is basically speaking about other autistic people.
All relationships are about commitment and trying to adapt yourself to the other person and it should go both ways in order to have a healthy relationship.
The thing is that as I explained earlier if you are selling yourself like a basket case most women will think that they are going to have to do more adapting than if you dropped the self defeating attitude and tried to show yourself as a nice person that has some problems but is trying to overcome them

No offence, but life feeling like a prolonged death hints towards depression more than people wanting social interaction with people IMO. 'Tapping into your inner meh' is not going to get anybody anywhere, it's giving up. I feel that many people forget that autism is a spectrum disorder and that while some people have no desire for social interactions, a lot of people do, and some very strongly so. The fact that it's sometimes extremely hard for us to succeed in relationships doesn't completely rule it out as a possibilty. I think this thread is intended as an optimistic message to those who are convinced that they will never find a partner, not a way of showing off. There's no denying it takes a lot of effort and a good deal of luck, but it can happen.

No, I am generally friendly towards people, both to women and to men. At least, I think to be friendly. My (male) psychologist described me as friendly as well. There is some reciprocal (social) flirts without a sexual intention or tone. Although I think to be friendly, it is still possible that others find me rude and/or manipulative and/or a male b***h. I can be a b***h towards people that are not honest. Friendliness of people towards me doesn't mean that they like me. They prefer to be friendly than being honest. But they still gossip behind my back at my costs. The same with flirting by women. When it is directed towards me, I interpret it differently than when it is directed towards someone else. Since I am different from other nearby men, and possible they think less about me, same behaviour can have different meanings in different situations.


I have discussed psychotherapy and/or medications, but that has been refused, because I am stable and can think generally well, in a psychiatric sense.


I was about to prove the society wrong, but as I just turned 45, I think I am failing at proving it wrong, and supposing that the society is right.


I still believe this is true. It is harder for an autistic to get or maintain a relationship. I have read a lot about relationships, in which one partner is an autistic and the other is an NT. Generally it is hard for an NT to adapt. Adapting to an autistic is very stressful, because he/she has to teach the partner a lot of things. Really, I have read a lot about it. Earlier I would agree with you: the autistic and the NT in the relationship has to adapt to eachother. In that case you would have a healthy relationship. I came to this conclusion, because this statement is also true for a relationship of 2 NT partners. I changed my opinion because stressful relationships from others with one autistic, made me think different. Women still think I am not able to adapt, and their beliefs are really very strong.


Generally I would believe that, but it may be stressful for the non-autistic partner. Maybe he/she doesn't have the energy to adapt to his/her partner. Women may see at first sight that a relationship or even just sex won't work with me. About sex, I think they are wrong, but it is nigh impossible to convince them about the truth.


Yeah, but women do not want to have a man with "some problems", they demand a man without problems.

I've never dated a man who was entirely problem-free. Two of them had ADHD, two of them had Asperger's and one suffered from dysthymia and attachment disorder. My current partner is a classic ADHD case, although he refuses to admit it, and drives me up the wall with his constant inattention and hyperactivity. I knew this before we entered into a relationship, but it wasn't an obstacle to getting together. Don't think that all womankind would automatically reject you because of your problems.

You mention relationships in which one partner is NT and the other has ASD. Would you prefer a NT partner? It helps sometimes to look among 'your own kind', crudely put. Do you have opportunities to meet fellow Aspies?

Me too. I've been seeing my bf for a month now and well, I'm happy. Hopefully things keep going well. ^.^

I hate threads like this, because it makes me more bitter, jealous, and mad that I can't get a girl myself.