I'm sick of being told 'you're better off alone"

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Tequila
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30 Oct 2011, 5:27 pm

I can't vouch for the last bit, darlin'. ;)



hartzofspace
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30 Oct 2011, 5:37 pm

CanadianRose wrote:
I am an "older woman" too. However, I did not establish a solid long term relationship until I was in my mid-thirties. I had a lot of "alone time" in my young adulthood (my twenties). I understand the pressures, advantages and disadvantages of being a single adult and being a married adult.

I went through a long period of being single, too. After I had my daughter and left her abusive father, I raised her alone. The pressures of being a single person, (for me) were people either assuming that I was pining for a relationship when I wasn't, or people thinking I was weird because I was content to be alone and raise my child in peace. I often longed for a partner to help me with things, but that was it. The advantages of being single, were that I didn't have to consider the needs of anyone else (except my child) when deciding things. The disadvantages were other women who projected their insecurities on me, often assuming that I was interested in their husbands when I wasn't. The lists could be endless, but I agree with what CanadianRose said about it being normal to be single or in a relationship. You are still you, whichever the case may be!


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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30 Oct 2011, 5:40 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Well, this whole thread is bitter. There's a time for everything ;).


IDK, plenty of people have contributed without bitterness. Myself included.


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Tequila
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30 Oct 2011, 5:55 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
IDK, plenty of people have contributed without bitterness. Myself included.


Am I bitter? I prefer to see myself as very like Eric Cartman only not as funny. ;)



The_Face_of_Boo
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30 Oct 2011, 6:09 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Well, this whole thread is bitter. There's a time for everything ;).


IDK, plenty of people have contributed without bitterness. Myself included.


but someone has to show some solidarity with the OP!!



TeaEarlGreyHot
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30 Oct 2011, 6:42 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Well, this whole thread is bitter. There's a time for everything ;).


IDK, plenty of people have contributed without bitterness. Myself included.


but someone has to show some solidarity with the OP!!


Fair enough. :lol:


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femme
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30 Oct 2011, 7:06 pm

No you are not better off along no one should have to be alone but if you are you can always spend time with people who are also lonely my girlfriend Ashley isn't always their to talk to so I talk to my mother.



johnny77
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30 Oct 2011, 9:15 pm

I find the ones that say that "you would be better off alone" are the ones that cant except there own faults or problems. Scape goat for one. How ever there are ones amongst us that shouldnt be in long term relations. I know this as I am one and shouldnt have gotten maried as she would have been a better person with out me. This doesnt make me want to be alone though.



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30 Oct 2011, 10:42 pm

Mego wrote:
Be happy with whatever decisions you make. Enjoy being single and during that time learn about yourself, find new friends, or just enjoy some alone time doing things that you want to do. Sometimes its good to explore new hobbies or just figure out what you want/do not want in your next relationship. Its often times in these moments when you will meet someone worthwhile.

I also think its ridiculous to argue what is considered "normal" or not. After all, this is completely based on perspective.

good advice.


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Joker
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31 Oct 2011, 12:45 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
Mego wrote:
Be happy with whatever decisions you make. Enjoy being single and during that time learn about yourself, find new friends, or just enjoy some alone time doing things that you want to do. Sometimes its good to explore new hobbies or just figure out what you want/do not want in your next relationship. Its often times in these moments when you will meet someone worthwhile.

I also think its ridiculous to argue what is considered "normal" or not. After all, this is completely based on perspective.


good advice.


Sorry about femme Hyperlexian, I didn't know she couldn't use my email address.

Also being alone can be good some times but everyone needs a friend, to talk life can be hard it's good to have people their for you when you need them.



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01 Dec 2011, 6:49 pm

I forgot I started this thread. I agree with the thoughts on it being a matter of perspective.

The thing that irritates me is that other people expect that even though I am a different person to them, I will somehow end up having the same experience of a relationship as they have had.

One friend, only 10 years older, she's in her 40s, i'm not talking about advice from retired old ladies, imagines she is sparing me the grief of when things turn sour and the relationship ends.

Sometimes the good loves don't last.

Rollercoasters and ferris wheels don't last forever, but that doesn't stop people enjoying them while they do last.

It's like i'm at a buffet bar and I get my hand slapped for wanting to experience something different.



bruinsy33
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01 Dec 2011, 9:47 pm

I am actually ''better off alone'' when it comes to the raising of a family.Never had the desire to be a father and don't think it is something I would be particularly good at.I also think I am someone who needs to live alone with me and my interests:.computer,tv ,music,movies.Like the majority of human beings I do wish I had a companion/girlfriend but I am someone who needs a lot of alone time .I think I would make a great boyfriend but a terrible husband/father.I am just not built emotionally for that kind of commitment /responsibility.At the least I have a solid awareness of my limitations so I never had a desire to stretch myself into being something that would have been very difficult for me .I am better off in my own little world.



Shebakoby
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03 Dec 2011, 1:19 am

A person is definitely better off alone if the idea of running a household for more than one person is freaking terrifying.



Fatal-Noogie
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03 Dec 2011, 3:27 am

Grisha wrote:
Word.

What's hilarious is that the nimrods that say this are never single themselves.

Someday I'm going to reply, "I can't wait to tell your girlfriend/boyfriend that you said that..."

Better yet, on that day they come crying back saying, "Oh, woe is me. We broke up," :cry:
I'll extend arms wide, grin from ear to ear, and exclaim with unabashed joy, "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you." :D

Edit:
And for the record, this approach is the opposite of bitterness.
It's just retuning the favor - a trade of sorts.
I concede to let them gloat over my misery,
and when the tables turn,
I reap the reward in the form of my satisfaction.


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