Who else is unsure if they want kids?

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HopefulRomantic
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08 Nov 2011, 5:02 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I waiting for my turn to get a reply from HopefulRomantic.



Well Boo Bond - your wish is granted! LOL. So, can you share any of your latest secret agent adventures with us??



Yes, my current mission is related to you. I am monitoring your bathroom.



Please advise the exact details of what you are monitoring in my bathroom. Thank you!



The_Face_of_Boo
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08 Nov 2011, 5:14 pm

HopefulRomantic wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I waiting for my turn to get a reply from HopefulRomantic.



Well Boo Bond - your wish is granted! LOL. So, can you share any of your latest secret agent adventures with us??



Yes, my current mission is related to you. I am monitoring your bathroom.



Please advise the exact details of what you are monitoring in my bathroom. Thank you!


NSFW



HopefulRomantic
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08 Nov 2011, 5:54 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I waiting for my turn to get a reply from HopefulRomantic.



Well Boo Bond - your wish is granted! LOL. So, can you share any of your latest secret agent adventures with us??



Yes, my current mission is related to you. I am monitoring your bathroom.



Please advise the exact details of what you are monitoring in my bathroom. Thank you!


NSFW


Gotcha! LOL. Back to the topic at hand!! !!



myth
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09 Nov 2011, 1:14 pm

Homer_Bob wrote:
Unsure? For me I am completely sure no new lives will ever come from me.

This.


_________________
Non-NT something. Married to a diagnosed aspie.

Nothing is absolute.


SoftlyStepping
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09 Nov 2011, 3:08 pm

Single women with kids are usually very very sad people.

This tells me that married women with children have a lot to deal with as well.

And if she is married to me, she expects me to help.

No thanks.



mv
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09 Nov 2011, 3:16 pm

SoftlyStepping wrote:
Single women with kids are usually very very sad people.

This tells me that married women with children have a lot to deal with as well.

And if she is married to me, she expects me to help.

No thanks.


The f**k?



SoftlyStepping
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09 Nov 2011, 3:23 pm

mv wrote:
SoftlyStepping wrote:
Single women with kids are usually very very sad people.

This tells me that married women with children have a lot to deal with as well.

And if she is married to me, she expects me to help.

No thanks.


The f**k?


That part is fun, I will admit.



AngelKnight
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09 Nov 2011, 5:41 pm

Not convinced I can hold up my part of being a parent without (too much?) help. Childhood was troubled for me and my sister. So I know a bunch of things not to do (don't ever hit your kid out of anger, you may well be using physical discipline but it's way too easy to have that degrade into taking your anger out on your kid, etc.).

But it's not a matter of "don't do these following things and everything else will be okay."

For now it seems too much like a gamble, where if things don't go well, someone else pays for my mistakes.



SoftlyStepping
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09 Nov 2011, 6:00 pm

Parenting is basically just waiting until the kids are old enough to leave the house. And basic kindness.

The early years are a lot of work and then the government takes over.

If you think about it, if you're absolutely perfect, eventually age takes over and they leave.
If you mess things up, they grow up and they leave.

Both scenarios have happy endings.



peaceloveerin
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12 Nov 2011, 12:13 am

I'm absolutely 100% positive I don't want children and won't change my mind about it!

BTW, the Duggar family is expecting their 20th child!! How crazy are they? I can't stand families like that!!



Esteban
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12 Nov 2011, 12:42 pm

Well, I'll almost certainly remain single for the rest of my life, so it's a purely academic question, but:

In favor of Yes:

-Kids can be fun (though also exhausting). I like their 'raw,' blunt, untamed nature - yes, this means they can be very cruel (bullying, etc) but also are more genuine and can also be generous.
-Wanting, for lack of a better word, a positive legacy - not in terms of passing on my name (I think that is shallow and stupid) or my genes, or in terms of a successor, but in terms of, that if I raise the kid well, it'll be a tiny contribution towards making the world a better place, something worth doing that will outlast me. Other 'legacies' I can think of for myself seem petty or trivial.
-Like the idea of having that kind of bond with someone, less conditional than friendship, romantic love, etc usually are - it may sound selfish, but I do understand it goes both ways, that I'd be willing to always be there for them.

In favor of No:

-I don't like babies. I don't hate them, but even at their best they just seem boring. I don't think I'd have the stamina and patience to deal with a baby.
-I'm not sure of my suitability as a father at all. Sure, there are worse parents out there, but still.
-The teenage years worry me. I don't dislike teenagers, on the contrary, but I do worry that I'd have no idea how to handle one or relate, how to give them healthy breathing space and independence while still supervising adequately, etc.
-The world is overcrowded as it is, and I don't think my genes are so special as to be particularly worthy of being passed on.
-While having a kid similar to me in some things would make it easier to relate, do things together, etc, I also worry that he/she would have my problems with lack of social intuition, tendency to depression, etc.

Some of the 'no' reasons might make it sound adoption would be something to think about, but the chances of a weird single male adopting in my jurisdiction, unless he's very rich, are exactly zero - even a regular, young married couple trying to adopt a disabled kid can have a very hard time doing so (sadly not due to a shortage of kids without adequate homes but due to an excess of petty bureaucrats and stupid laws).
I strongly believe that the choice of those who don't want kids should be respected and accepted as legitimate.



blueroses
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13 Nov 2011, 12:09 pm

AngelKnight wrote:
Not convinced I can hold up my part of being a parent without (too much?) help. Childhood was troubled for me and my sister. So I know a bunch of things not to do (don't ever hit your kid out of anger, you may well be using physical discipline but it's way too easy to have that degrade into taking your anger out on your kid, etc.).

But it's not a matter of "don't do these following things and everything else will be okay."

For now it seems too much like a gamble, where if things don't go well, someone else pays for my mistakes.


I can relate to this a lot and think it's a big part of my concern. For me, it's not so much about making necessary sacrifices, as it is fear of repeating my parents' mistakes and hurting my kid(s). I'd want the hurt and dysfunction to end with me, rather than pass it along and the only way I know I can do this is by not having kids to begin with.



The_Face_of_Boo
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13 Nov 2011, 12:12 pm

We're 7 bils already, there's nothing wrong of not having kids.



Dnex
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13 Nov 2011, 12:17 pm

I can say with certainty that I don't want kids, don't see too much appeal in being a parent.



Esteban
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14 Nov 2011, 9:03 pm

blueroses wrote:
AngelKnight wrote:
Not convinced I can hold up my part of being a parent without (too much?) help. Childhood was troubled for me and my sister. So I know a bunch of things not to do (don't ever hit your kid out of anger, you may well be using physical discipline but it's way too easy to have that degrade into taking your anger out on your kid, etc.).

But it's not a matter of "don't do these following things and everything else will be okay."

For now it seems too much like a gamble, where if things don't go well, someone else pays for my mistakes.


I can relate to this a lot and think it's a big part of my concern. For me, it's not so much about making necessary sacrifices, as it is fear of repeating my parents' mistakes and hurting my kid(s). I'd want the hurt and dysfunction to end with me, rather than pass it along and the only way I know I can do this is by not having kids to begin with.


Actually, I'd be worried about making other mistakes. I can see a lot of things my parents did wrong, even though with the best intentions, but there's no guarantee I won't make equally bad or worse mistakes just by avoiding their mistakes.



SoftlyStepping
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14 Nov 2011, 9:06 pm

Esteban wrote:
Actually, I'd be worried about making other mistakes. I can see a lot of things my parents did wrong, even though with the best intentions,


Best to ignore them, if possible.

Esteban wrote:
there's no guarantee I won't make equally bad or worse mistakes just by avoiding their mistakes.


Truth. It's a common pattern to over-correct.