Really wanting a life partner?

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It's a marathon. For sure.

i must be those two giant rhinos. metaphorically speaking.

Metaphors are a form of poetry.

My biggest thing is I wouldn't know what to do with someone if I had one.

Occasionally people get married and never move in together.

I'm in a relationship now, and my boyfriend would really like or me to move in.

I like the idea of seeing each other more, but moving in seems really scary. Not just all the disruption that comes with moving, but the idea of having to give up my solitude, quiet, and control over my environment.

The idea of marriage and never moving in together had crossed my mind!

Its not about partying either. I do drink and party back when I was in Cali and I had friends. Here in hawaii, I dont know how the scene is? When I said beer and beach, its a lifestyle. The fact that the beverage just happens to be alcoholic doesn't mean I hate drinking. What it it was soda and beach, then what?

And yes true, I do feel like an alien to my own community. Hawaii is one of those small town like communities(its not actually a small town). Where there's a very specific culture. And if you don't fit the specific culture, people think your a foreigner.

I think this is what is happening to me. I dated a few times during my late teens and early to mid twenties, but I found the relationships to be very stressful. There were gaps of many months between relationships, in part to recuperate. After my last relationship ended, I decided to take a break for a while and focus on my work. That was many years ago.

Lately I have been trying to convince myself to try online dating again, but I am having a hard time motivating myself. Part of the problem is I have been answering a lot of questions for a dating website, and a lot of those questions are about things I do not care about. I am uninterested in many of things "normal" people do, like going to clubs, travelling, watching and/or playing sports, etc. I also have very little interested in "geek" things like playing computer games, fantasy and sci-fi (e.g. LoTR, Dr. Who, Star Trek, etc.), anime and manga, etc. Then there are the questions targeting intellectual pursuits like philosophy, politics and science. Although I have some interest in those things, especially in certain, specific areas, I have a hard time imagining myself engaged in conversation or debate with someone over them. Mostly all I do with my life is work (at my paid job), take care of basic maintenance, and work on my special interest. Although I would not describe myself as "happy" with this existence, it is okay with me. So I wonder, why even bother with dating/relationships? (And before someone responds "sex", if I was that horny, I would simply go to an escort/prostitute.)

That is a big deal to me. Probably more than most.



Deep and intimate love. Culturally, men are not supposed to have intimate conversations with anyone but their woman.

Dating/relationships can be an emotional support if both parties are experienced.

Work is an emotional support, that is different, but can also be rewarding.