What I hate the most.

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absolutely, friendships should be 2-sided, with both people offering and receiving support. but the OP isn't interested in being friends at all.

Lets see:

-The way of initial contact seems good but after that things seem to go downhill.

Why?

Most people expect to be asked out in an spontaneous way and face to face instead of through a chat.

Im not saying that you should make reservations for dinner at an expensive restaurant everyday you may meet a girl but you should try to keep the conversation that started with the band/whatever going on for a while and end with something along the lines of you sound like a great person it´d be great to have coffee sometime and get to know each other better and see how they reply.

Results will vary and you will have to learn to face rejection but lets face it it cant get worse than where you are now so why not give it a try

Your current way of approaching them doesnt make clear your intentions until youve exchanged fb adresses and talked for a while so in a way you are also leading them on to think that you just want to be friends with them.
For example a female asked me to add her on fb the other day, I didnt think that she was into me, I thought that we have had a great time studying together and she wanted to keep in touch(which was confirmed when I saw the bf pictures). Not that it matters but we´ve kept in touch.

no, i'm in the "treat women as human beings who are worth knowing and they will treat you the same way" camp.

Well that depends on the individual more then anything, if those women have already sussed it he is interested in them then some of them could say something just for their own personal benefit so he'll stop pursing them. At the same time he could also ask but I already mentioned that.

Even though his attitude is wrong, you can't just keep assuming that all of the women who reject him are entirely faultless, his frustrations show that's he's probably been mislead on at least a few occasions.

I seriously don't understand why my approach is wrong.

I see a girl I'm interested in. I make myself initiate contact. I get her phone number/facebook, I follow up. we agree to meet some place. We start talking.

Isn't that the classic definition of asking some one out?

Where it goes pear shaped is when she realizes that I actually listen to what she has to say, and don't spend all my time starring at her tits. A lot of aspies have trouble making eye-contact. I have a problem staring at people's eyes. It makes me look as if I'm enthralled with what they have to say because I'm making perpetual eye contact.

for sure, some of them might be less than stellar in their behaviour, and there is no reason to think otherwise. but it is not logical to imagine that every single female he approaches somehow has the same identical character flaw.

The term "feminazi" bangs through my head when I read your post.

You come across as someone who doesn't like women very much? I think almost all women can spot this a mile off, (I know I can). I am very careful to go for guys who give the impression they genuinely enjoy the company of women; this is something I've had conversations with my friends about, and that we've all agreed on. I know you don't want people to tell you to get female friends first but... think about it maybe? You never know when one of them might introduce you to someone who ends up being your girlfriend.

i don't see what feminism has to do with what Nick007 said.

Feminazi is not equal to feminism. I might just have used the term narcissism for the women in his case. Oh well. (and no I'm not a women-hater, I just use the term "feminazi" to point out the narcissists of the female gender instead of the male one, don't get my post the wrong way)

Last edited by Uprising on 23 Jan 2012, 12:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That is the definition of asking someone out if its clear that you want more than a friendship.
It would be asking her out if you just met each other(as I suggested you to do instead of exchanging fb addresses) but Ive met with some people I had been talking to online and my first thought was that it was a friends scenario which is what this girls think and where you arent being truthfull about your intentions.

yes, feminazi is a derogatory term used to describe feminists.

My bad, I meant female narcissists basically. I guess I took it the wrong way.

That is incorrect. I actually really enjoy being around women. I like the way they can provide a totally different perspective to issues that I only look at one way. There are to many aspects of it that I can't even list them all. But it most certainly isn't that I don't like them. I'm no more uncomfortable around them than I am around anyone else. I'm actually an extremely forward thinking guy, woman's body, woman's choice all of that. I don't watch pornography because I consider it degrading, I don't stare at their bodies as if they are wrapped in cellophane at the grocery store, I don't ignore what they are saying. I don't put my hands on them unless I'm invited. That all being said, I also don't approach women to just be friends with them. If I just wanted another person to discuss books or music with, I'd go online to a forum like this. What I want is some one with whom I can discuss mutual interests, have a companionable relationship, engage in a healthy sex life, and at the end of the day feel as if we haven't wasted our time with each others company.

What I get tired of is being told I'm so great and how any girl would be crazy not to want to date me.. when that obviously isn't the case. Since none of them are interested.. and then when they try and introduce me to a friend, which as you said does happen, I have nothing in common with her except we both turn oxygen into carbon dioxide. Some of them I'm still friends with to this day. But for the most part, I don't remain friends with them when I know it's going to wind up leading to problems. It isn't for lack of trying on my part.

I'm not trying to say that I'm not at fault some how, the only common factor here is me. But it does seem that this happens a lot. It just so happened that the most recent one failed to make it known she had a boyfriend.

But why would I ask her out if I didn't know anything about her? Say I meet her in a store, she's working, I can't just stand around talking to her, she'd get fired. So I ask her for her info. It's not like I ask for her facebook, but it's frequently provided. I don't have the resources to simply take every girl I might, possibly, like, out on a date. I have to be picky, I have to be reasonably certain they are going to be worth my time, and I feel in the same course, she is learning if I'm worth, Her Time.

I think my intentions are perfectly clear. I'm a single guy, asking for her info, so that I can get to know her better and spend more time with her.

In a way, I'm really touched by the whole thing. I was raised to effectively think that all men were dogs who mistreated women, ignored them, only wanted them for sex, etc. So I try to present myself as the opposite of that, and it back fires because when I do none of that stuff, then I'm only suitable to be her friend.

You seem to refer to "treating them like human beings" a lot. In other words, you are so worried about being seen as manipulative that you don't send them the right signals.

It is a common mistake to think that girls go for the "bad guys" and the "nice guys" are left behind. But actually, the "bad guys" are more accurately called the "honest guys". They let the girl know their intentions early on, and it is less awkward for all involved.