Casual Sex, Yes Or No?

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30 Jan 2012, 10:39 am

No. I think that sex should happen in a committed long-term relationship. I don't think I could ever have sex with someone who didn't mean anything to me (or vice versa). It wouldn't feel right. That's just my opinion, though. You should do what's right for you.

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30 Jan 2012, 12:33 pm

I vote NO. I'm sort of on the asexuality spectrum. I have a sex drive but I'm fine handling it myself & don't really desire sex untill I'm in a relationship & my partner does or talks about it

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Matt62
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30 Jan 2012, 2:02 pm

In college, I was approached a couple of times by chicks I didn't know (and a similar number of times by males ). I tended to react badly, or to shutdown.
Its hard enough dealing with someone I loved, why torment myself??

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fraac
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30 Jan 2012, 2:07 pm

I think 'casual sex' is almost always a lie. Someone will take it personally most times.

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30 Jan 2012, 2:09 pm

fraac wrote:

I think 'casual sex' is almost always a lie. Someone will take it personally most times.

Probably depends on the person and on the setting.

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30 Jan 2012, 3:28 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

Yes. But a lot of people have casual sex for entirely the wrong reasons. If you just want to get off and you find someone else who wants the same, great. But, from what I've seen, there is a tendency among women to have sex with a man (who wants nothing more than sex) in a misguided attempt to make him like her. And there is a tendency among men to have sex (whether he actually wants to or not) with anyone they find willing, because they feel that not having sex makes them less masculine.

i had a one night stand turn into a 20 year relationship. we were acquaintances and we had mutual friends so he wasn't a stranger. the next morning i gave him my number and he called. i was cool with FWB or a relationship but i didn't have any expectations or burning desire for either one. i was glad to just have the one night, however he was serious right from the get-go. i think that this stuff sometimes goes along gender lines, and sometimes it doesn't. people are complicated, and it's really hard to get inside anyone else's head.

OP, i am not for or against casual sex for other people. i advocate honesty between people so that both partners are fully aware of what they are getting into. for myself, i am not able to do it anymore as i tend to become more attached to sex partners now.

Nah, it doesn't always go along gender lines, but there are general trends. And sometimes things may work out okay, but usually mismatched intentions just lead to heartache for one or the other.

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30 Jan 2012, 3:34 pm

Wait, I think I may have misunderstood the point of this thread.

I thought the question was whether or not casual sex was right for an individual.

But some here seem to be insisting that the question is whether you approve of casual sex for others or not.

If the latter is the case, I'm rather opposed to even the notion that we can dictate the sexuality of others and declare it right or wrong(other that extreme outliers such as rape and pedophilia etc).

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30 Jan 2012, 3:44 pm

Wouldn't dream of telling other people what to do. But some people seem so fearful of being judgmental that they are unwilling or unable to see that treating sex casually can very often lead to pain (and sometimes quite a bit of it) for the individual or their partners.

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30 Jan 2012, 3:44 pm

Sagroth wrote:

We have included both opinions as a matter of reference.

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30 Jan 2012, 3:48 pm

mds_02 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

Nah, it doesn't always go along gender lines, but there are general trends. And sometimes things may work out okay, but usually mismatched intentions just lead to heartache for one or the other.

i advocate open communication and honesty from all parties. knowledge of what the other person is seeking will help avoid the misunderstandings.

Sagroth, i didn't know if i was supposed to state whether casual sex was ok for me or for other people, so i answered both questions. actually, the OP mighta wanted advice as to whether it was ok for HIM, but i didn't address that. i guess i should.

OP, if you aren't saying OMG YES in your own mind, then really you are saying no.

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mds_02
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30 Jan 2012, 4:05 pm

Honesty and openness are good goals but, in real life, people lie about their intentions all the time. Hell, most people aren't even honest with themselves about their desires and intentions. There is nothing morally wrong with two people who want nothing but sex from each other having sex. But even if you (generic you, not you you) are completely honest about what you want, it's still sometimes (often) not a good idea.

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30 Jan 2012, 4:25 pm

mds_02 wrote:

yes, people lie. not much can be done about that except trying to use common sense, and accept that no matter what you might get burned (in relationships too). i've been hurt by a PUA who was essentially untruthful, though i don't think i was explicit enough with my expectations in the first place.

presumably if both people are honest and one person admits they want a relationship to come out of it, then it could have a sobering effect on the other person.

i wouldn't say it isn't a good idea for other people in general without knowing specifics about how they approach sex and intimacy(and how they could feel afterward if things don't go according to plan).

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30 Jan 2012, 6:15 pm

Sagroth wrote:

I was asking whether or not you personally feel casual sex was right for you. It's a curiosity thing, and I'm a nosy little bugger :lol:

I also couldn't imagine trying to tell someone else how they are supposed to enjoy sex.

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Concretebadger
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30 Jan 2012, 6:32 pm

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with it...I wouldn't sleep with someone unless I was comfortable enough with whatever it was that got the two of us to that point.

I just view it as a very...'special' thing, for want of a better word. Maybe 'personal' is more appropriate. The amount of intimacy involved is seems so high that I wouldn't get that far with somebody unless there was a real bond with her there in some form or another.

Maybe I'll end up having casual sex someday...the old 'one thing leads to another' scenario is impossible to predict, but still. Knowing what I know about myself and how I view my relationships with people close to me, casual sex isn't on my to-do list.

artrat
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03 Feb 2012, 3:03 am

The whole idea of sex turns me off a bit.

I think it should only be done if you feel an emotional connection with your partner.
That's just me and I have no problem with people that do have casual sex.

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Bison554
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03 Feb 2012, 4:38 am

No thanks, I've tried and it just seems empty. That demisexual blurb you posted is an interesting notion, thanks!

Bison

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