In what way does Asperger's Syndrome impact dating?

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For me, it causes really bad anxiety. I usually don't know what to say or how to keep the conversation going.

I think aspergers greatly hinders dating for a number of reasons. Most of us lack the basic social skills needed to make friends alone. Getting a date is ten times harder then getting a friend and dating requires much more social skills that we simply don't have. Most of us aren't adapted for dating, especially males. Many of us have such a difficult time initiating social contact that for dating, we are going to have to be the one's that are expected to initiate almost everything and that can spell a disaster for dating when we have no idea when we are suppose to be doing. Do too much and we seem to be creepy and do too little and we'd give them the impression we have no interest.

Exactly. My current situation with a girl is purely because of work-built relationships. Things have now gone sour and it's difficult - I had a panic attack on Tuesday because of her boyfriend sending me a nasty text.

For me, it's the lack of knowledge, let alone experience that is most difficult. It's like speaking a foreign language without any teaching. Basically dating and relationships 101 was never hardwired through puberty, so you're basically starting from - I like a girl - what do I do now? It's that difficult.

I wonder if males with asperger's have a harder time with the dating rituals, since they are expected to break the ice. It's nice being a female aspie and having males approach you instead... I don't think I'd be able to stand the rejection. I am very sensitive to criticism.

Mind you, I am in a very happy long-term relationship, and I met him at work, then asked him out after developing somewhat of a friendship. So I did not follow dating conventions.

I know. It can seem like we're damned if we do, damned if we don't. I have trouble even making friends too, let alone a girlfriend. The latter is like the ultimate test of social skills, a set of skills I just don't have. I just can't think of anything to say to them.

Aspergers doesn't necessarily mean one will never find anybody, but god, it makes things a lot harder than it already is.

Don't bother.

Yup. It's very unfair. I can't imagine having the impetus on me to approach or do the asking out. I'm way too fragile to deal.

That's a good point I did suggest settling and why not (but I was rebuked)



What do you women want most of you are never going to find love anyway if you "settle" with some one that cooks you dinner, doesn't beat you up and keeps the toilet seat * down what more could you possibly want ?

If you find such a man your doing better than 90%+ of women in relationships.

Don't you just love factoids?

*friend of my Mom has found such a man he even pees sitting down, the indignity of it, which is funny Judge Grady on GTA 4 mocks such a man "do you pee sitting down " , the indgnity of relationships

I have more self respect than that .

Last edited by aussiebloke on 31 May 2012, 6:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I do. Did you have some for us?

So I'm right

Are you? You seem to have a dismal view of men.

Started dating when I was in the first grade. I have had no problem getting dates. I don't let having AS bother me. It's just something I was born with.

And women to.

I agree with your post. I'm pretty much the same. I doubt most people think I'm a bad person, just a good one, but shy, with some quirks. Many won't take the time to look through those quirks and see the person underneath.

I've also never been able to convert a friendship into a relationship. Now, I don't try to, or want to, have a relationship with every girl I befriend, but yes, there have been times when I care about someone enough to wish to go for more. But you're right. Women have a friendship category and a dateable one. Once you're in her friend zone, it's all but impossible to break out. Eventually, they see you as a big brother, and think it would be weird to date you.

Someone once suggested I got together with a close female friend of mine, and both of us looked at each other and went 'ewww'. We were brother and sister, essentially, not lovers.

It's just a shame it's so hard to even break through the first hurdle (the shyness barrier, and getting her to see the real you)

Just because your relationship with a woman is one of friends doesn't means that's how she relates to you-
it could be she's just already in a relationship.
In which case it'd be wise to stick around.

I barely get it when guys hit on me, if they are too subtle. I even barely catch them looking at me, I'm often too caught up with my own little world and focussing on something else.
I have been told that I have mistaken flirting for rudeness, and I kind of established that when telling a person that I don't understand subtle cues and they still try to give me subtle cues, they haven't understood me let alone are the right type for me.