is eharmony worth the cost?

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Go outside. Find a club for something you like in the area. If you just want to meet completely random women, even the grocery store isn't bad at all. Just go outside, why/how are you gonna get a girlfriend if you have NO friends IRL, and don't talk to anyone IRL?

I used to have friends, but they all drift away with time. I talk to people at my church all the time, but it's becoming increasingly isolated for me there, as I become more distant from the high school population in age. Outside of the church I try to avoid social contact because I want to maintain a low profile in an actively hostile world; essentially, I don't want to paint a target on myself...

To resurrect a dead thread, it may be worth filling out the profile questionnaire and then waiting. Eharmony will tell if you if it has matched out even if you have not paid. Wait until you have "enough" matches (maybe at least three). Then think about about paying.

And regarding therapy--if you think your therapy has stalled, do bring it up with your therapist. A good one will take that as a sign you are serious about the whole thing and work with you.

My experience with eHarmony a few years ago was that they matched me with completely incompatible people who didn't live anywhere near me. Didn't get one match that I was interested in messaging (or that messaged me) in the three months I was on there.

Also was on POF and OKCupid - found that OKC was a lot less stagnant than POF. If/when I get ready to date again, I will probably stick with OKC.

When I signed up on eharmony years ago and did the questionnaire, I was rejected and was told the same spiel about no available matches that others here were. I laughed it off.

POF and OkCupid have been the same since I signed up there. A lot of people that I have no interest in after reading their profiles. I have had a couple dates through each of those websites, but nothing that lasted beyond date number 2.

Match.com yielded some results, and one person that lasted beyond date number 2. I'm not with that person anymore.

I have still had more luck dating people I meet at meetup events I sign up for through meetup.com

I think a lot of it depends on how close one is to a heavily populated area.

I'm not at all close to one, and none of the dating sites have much of a selection within a couple hundred miles of me. I think one of the reasons POF seemed more stagnant to me was that I couldn't search more than a couple hundred miles from me. OKC at least allows one to put "anywhere" as a search parameter. I was incredibly lucky to find my late fiance within 150 miles (on POF). I sincerely doubt that will happen again - he was only in the area to care for an elderly parent, in other words, sheer coincidence. There is basically not much draw where I am for brilliant people.....and I can't muster up any interest in anyone who is *not* brilliant.

Which is one of the reasons I thought I'd give eHarmony a try, since you could make your search area as narrow or as wide as you wanted. I'm also nearing retirement age, so the opportunities for one or the other of whoever I might "meet" online to relocate are possibly better than they would be for someone young and just starting a career.

The only meetup group where I am that is even remotely interesting to me is an atheists' group. I know someone who's in the group, and it consists of about 12 people, most of them much younger than me. So I don't see that as a great avenue for meeting people, when I'm ready to do that again.

For those of you who are young and in relatively highly populated areas, I agree that a meetup type situation may be better than a dating site as far as being less pressure. OTOH, you probably have a much broader selection of people on the dating sites than those of us in rural areas do.

I think the best thing anyone can do is to approach socializing like learning to swim. First you wade, then you float, then you paddle, before you dive in. I know I've had to force myself to do it, because my job required it. I hated it at first (and I still don't love it), but I became reasonably comfortable with it over time. I can do it now, but it still wears me out. I consider it a necessary evil.

match.com was a complete waste of time. Most of the accounts were deactivated. My profile only got viewed 60 times in the three months I paid for and no messages were sent to me or replied to from me. Unless you are financially settled, I'm still in college.

So I was a bit bored just now... and I've heard of eHarmony a few times over the years, so I thought I'd go and see what all the fuss is about. I like the design of the website from a technical and user experience point of view, I'll give it that. But the positives stop there. They ask you to go through this looong questionnaire, stringing you along the whole time with "yes, you're doing great, answering questions like a boss, you clever cookie, you!" (paraphrasing) before you really find out if there's any benefit to all this (eg. is there even a single person in your area?) and at the end.... you don't find out! Because only then do they tell you the price! I really hate websites who do not show the price up-front, hoping to suck you in and convince you to pay rather than lose all the work you've already done. Of course, I wasn't doing this for real, so it was fine for me, but if I really did think about all those questions and then filled out my profile properly and chosen a good photo to upload, I would be seriously pissed to find out how much I have to pay to get anywhere! To save everyone else the suspense, the absolute minimum you can commit to paying in order to join is $179.70 (which, by the way, is not stated explicitly - you have to figure that out based on the monthly payment). [Edit: sorry, that's not quite correct - there is the option to pay $59.95 for one month, no auto-renewal.]

... but wait, there is more! Just as I was typing this post I got an email saying that my account has been closed and, as a matter of policy, they do not reveal the reason. Oh, and "your subscription dues may have been forfeited". Now, I applaud them for catching a fake account so quickly and closing it - that's actually impressive. But the fact that their policy is to never give the reasons why an account was closed and simply keep the customer's money only confirms my initial hunch that this is a rather unscrupulous company.

i took their free quiz. eHarmony rejected me.

I took eHarmony's free quiz and they couldn't find me any matches. I used OK Cupid for awhile and made a few friends and got plenty of matches...and one creepy guybelittle me into marrying him. O_O;

I actually met my boyfriend on DeviantArt of all places. : )

question in response to someone saying you can meet people at the grocer... um how? could you outline a situation where that would work? I've seen girls I wanted to flirt with at the grocer before and havn't done it because I was worried about being accused of harassment. How do you transition an interaction in a place/ person not associated with meeting someone and get them to give you a line of communication?

Ask them if they know the difference between two different kinds of <whatever product you happen to be standing in front of>. This works for men approaching women, dunno if it would work for women approaching men. Women could always ask a guy for help getting stuff off of a top shelf - I've had to do that, but not because I was trying to strike up an acquaintance.

hmmm... thanks for the suggestion... I dont know what I would do with that kind of a convo to turn it into something... The only time I met someone who seemed interested in me the guy I care for bumped into her on the train platform and during the train ride she detailed her experiences with epilepsy. Which would have been fine if wasn't making only 400$/month with no support from my parents at the time...

cosigned; lol. no.

Confidence is knowing and believing in yourself, your abilities, capabilities & positive attributes, and naturally and intuitively thinking, feeling, and acting in ways that convey that you know & believe these things to be very real and very true.

Arrogance is having all of the above confidence with the added trait of believing that these traits make you superior to others and others inferior to you, and not in merely a technical sense, but in an unbecoming rude way that's rather unattractive and unappealing compared to the charisma of true confidence.

This sounds more like "overconfidence", and acting arrogant is often a trait that comes with it.

I would say overconfidence is more like believing you're far better at something than you are and then ending up screwing up because of it.. ie overconfidently believing you can carry a heavy load, then dropping the whole thing and making a mess. That's a result of overconfidence, but it doesn't have the same tones of believing you're better than others because of your belief you can lift the load as being arrogant would.

At this point we're sort of splitting hairs, though.