I think I found her!

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I just think I can't be too vigilant and proactive in trying to earn this woman's affection. I've tried to play it casual, and time and time again, the other girl gets swept off her feet by some other SOB.

God I pursued one girl for YEARS, and was so damn close to making it happen. I finally finished university and I'm back home and we have lunch, and i find out she started dating a guy she met on a blind date a month earlier. She couldn't wait one month. And now the two are engaged. That SOB STOLE my chance at happiness with this woman, and kept it for himself.

No longer. I'm going to do what it takes, say what it takes, give what it takes, to make it happen with this one.

Because this really IS my last chance. If I can't make it work with her, it's hopeless, and then I'm gonna start thinking about checking out early, because there's nothing else that makes my life worth preserving.

I've heard this one before. Soon 35 becomes 40. And 50. And so on until i'm dead of old age, never amounting to anything in my life, dying alone because i have no surviving family...

Brian, you seem to be stuck on this notion that you are half a person who needs another half to be complete. But that's not how it works, you don't need a missing piece, Shel Silverstein is full of s**t. Chances are most of the women you've met and will meet consider themselves whole people who want another whole to complement them. not a half to complete them. You make it sound like the only source of happiness in this life is to have a significant other. And while that can be a big one, there are other things in this life that can give joy too. I remember in a previous post you listed some of your interests: restoring antiques, collecting baseball cards. So what, those give you absolutely no pleasure whatsoever? I think you have some deeper seated issues you need to resolve before you pursue a serious relationship with this woman you're talking to now.

The problem is I have no one to enjoy those activities with. No one gives a damn that I restore antiques, and collecting ball cards is for kids and overweight memorabilia dealers (I am neither). I just feel my interests, that which makes me who I am, is of no value or interest to anyone else. And of course there is my work in film, which I love, and has been a way for me to reach out and communicate with people better than I am able by myself. Yet no one sees them. No one comes. No one cares.

I'm sick of being alone. Sick of having nobody and being nobody.

Hobbies provide enjoyment. Enjoyment is not happiness.

Well I'm an avid video game enthusiast. And you know what? If I had a girlfriend who said I had to choose between her and never playing a video game again, I'd pack her bags and open the door for. Why? Because playing video games is such an integral part of who I am, my first memories are of holding a NES controller. And if anyone demanded I give up a part of myself for their sake, then they are not worthy of me. That's not to say I wouldn't sacrifice some of my play time for her or even a significant chunk of it. But to sacrifice my whole hobby, nay passion? I couldn't do it, I mean I literally couldn't do it. Its like saying, I'll stop thinking chocolate is yummy. You can't because it IS yummy!

And another thing: just because a girl shares you're interests doesn't mean you're necessarily going to make a good couple. Its definitely a good starting point, but I've been in plenty of guilds with people who's wives/husbands weren't gamers. I'd love to have a gamer girlfriend, but well the one might not be a gamer.

But back to my original point. If you sacrifice who you are just so you can hold a girls hand, or have share a passionate kiss, then you will truly never hold a girls hand or share a passionate kiss. It'll be the fake persona who gets to enjoy that honor; yeah it might be you're body, but it won't be YOU!

I've been myself for nearly 28 years, and not yet had a girlfriend. If I have to choose between being myself and being alone for my whole life, and being someone else and having love...that's a no brainer.

Well not all those years count. I don't know of anyone who was in a serious relationship when they were 3. And anyone who claims they were is nuttier then me and you put together times infinity. Honestly I think you have to be at least 15-16 for any gf/bf you have to even begin be considered anywhere near serious. So you're off by about 15 years my good man.

And this whole becoming someone else for love, defeats the whole purpose of love. I don't know if you've seen the movie Anchorman, but in that movie, Steve Carell's character loves lamp. If the lamp is actually a shoe in disguise, then the shoe isn't going to actually feel any of the love, because Steve Carell doesn't love shoe, he loves lamp. And since the lamp is actually just a disguise for the shoe, it acts a as sort of a love black hole. So shoe isn't receiving any love, and it better hope that Steve Carell doesn't find out about it's deception, or shoe WILL receive something from Steve Carell: eternal and undying hatred (and possibly a trident).

Anyway, enough of the silly metaphors. Whats going on with this lady of you've been talking to? You still talking? And have you had to make any fabrications about yourself? Because if not, then all these metaphors MIGHT have been deployed for nothing. Don't worry though, I make millions by the second, so feel free to enjoy these please.

GL, Brian. I hope it works out.

Mate, I can relate. My special aspie interests are just that: hobbies. They're an escape. I can pretend to be a kid and hide away from my freaking miserable loveless life for a little while.

But who cares when no one else can share things with you? Everything in life just seems boring and empty without a girlfriend.

Humans are not wired to be happy for any extended period of time. Reality is ugly like that.

Why do you think religions promote eternal happiness in the afterlife?

I used to be a lot like Adam82, ToadofSteel, and Brianruns10 when I was a virgin. When I banged my first WG, all of that changed. I only cared about my special interests after that since relationships only offer one thing of any use to me.

What you guys are feeling is your evolutionary wiring as a male screaming at you to get laid. Nothing more.

As an NT girl- this is SO not hot! I think men and women appreciate a guy or gal who is fully themselves and doesnt bend or change ofr others (OK- there is necessary compromise in any relationship- but I THINK you know what I mean).

People can smell desperation a mile away and it's scary! We wonder- what are they hiding!?

I went on a date once with REALLY nice engineer guy but I had a moment of fear over dinner (kinda uncharacteristic of me actually). I felt there was a momentary vacuum- and projected into it a long, conversationless evening wherein we would have nothing in common- no mutual ground....

So in bantering back and forth a few little questions, I locked into a subject that I could see got him excited- I used to work on engines. So I fell back into Old Me- the Capable Tomboy who could do Anything Mechanical and Nerdy....it felt good for all of one minute as he began to fall for me- and hard!

Until I realized something- I hated the Old Me. She was Old and Done With...I myself was bored with her while in the meantime I had created a facade, a character that now had someone fallng in love with it and getting more and more excited by the minute. What a horrible feeling!

I should have just come clean with him as soon as I realized my mistake- he didnt even know the authentic ME and I got him excited about something totally false. Bad for him, bad for me!! But how to bring him down from there? Then I got slightly judgemental toward him that he would like something so old and worn out (displaced / projected anger!) as Old Me- HOW passe!

And this is how divorces get started...I hate relationships! I went on one more date with him bcs older women said I should. He wanted to hold my hand and I couldnt- I just didnt feel it. He even loved my honesty when I told him I just wasnt interested in him. He said most women just ignored the phone calls. He couldnt believe how nicely I let him down. (And he actively communicated that to me- oh crap, I'm beginning to wonder if I did the dumbest thing possible by letting him go!!)

Later that year, he said he just wanted to have hot chocoalte with me because he thought I was such a cool girl and he would be happy just to be friends with someone like me....Deep down, I knew I was moving away to Ca soon-ish, and I was looking for Love, not a friend, but now (that I cant seem to find anyone!) I look back and wonder....! !! ! Oh crap, I just realized I let the Last Best man in the world get away!! I gotta move back to Michigan, be unemployed, hate my hometown, but FIND THAT GUY!! (who MOST certainly is married with a beautiful baby by now!)

Oh- ANYWAY- moral of the story was supposed to be: LIES=BAD!!

you are destined to fail already..putting her on a pedastal. have u met her face 2 face?

lol if a girl is even slightly friendly to me i says he is into me hard lol. It is out of my desperation to believe somewhere out there an attractive girl is into me too.
but at nearly 23 and never being kissed that's obviously wrong

I wonder why this thread was resuscitated when it is 5 months old?