Does any1 think Aspie men struggle with women as much as...

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Ldub20Owl316
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31 Mar 2012, 5:12 am

kirayng wrote:
Ldub20Owl316 wrote:
people here assert they do? Most of the posts here are depressing and sound hopeless. Since they are, it's making me doubt myself and feel worse about my chances with women. Most of the posts here are members saying they might as well give up and feel that they'll always be single. That, or being unable to shake their desperation. They also talk about the tendency of girls they seek friendship with to ignore them. I hope that this isn't true for all Aspies (everyone is different) but too many posts suggests these shortcomings.


If your avatar is your real picture you should have no worries. :) Cutie> :)

Thanks kirayng. Although it ain't fun being the posterboy of how looks won't always equal a girlfriend. They shouldn't, but why can't good-looking guys who are really a-holes be the posterboys of that? There might've been girls who've shown interest before but none have ever shown it. Which hurts. I've been on dates before (prom and stuff) but that's it. I hate feeling as though everyone can find SOs except myself and other Aspies. It's been one of the reasons I've had death wishes recently. And yes, that's my avatar. I wish some way some girls would show interest in me, but I am glad that you found me attractive!



Jono
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31 Mar 2012, 6:19 am

Ldub20Owl316 wrote:
people here assert they do? Most of the posts here are depressing and sound hopeless. Since they are, it's making me doubt myself and feel worse about my chances with women. Most of the posts here are members saying they might as well give up and feel that they'll always be single. That, or being unable to shake their desperation. They also talk about the tendency of girls they seek friendship with to ignore them. I hope that this isn't true for all Aspies (everyone is different) but too many posts suggests these shortcomings.


In general, aspie males struggle more with dating due to lack of social skill. That's not to say it's impossible though.



nessa238
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31 Mar 2012, 6:42 am

In my experience it's probably easier for an aspie female to find a partner but holding on to them is another matter - getting and keeping a partner are two entirely different things.

Also, in my experience, myself included, people are rarely satisifed with what they have - they are always thinking they deserve someone better. I think dissatisfaction is innate in the human brain, making people not want to settle for what they have. People always make me feel I'm never good enough; like I'm a 'she'll do' type of person never a person people are dying to be with. This really p-sses me off! I know I've done it in turn to other people though so I am a hypocrite. It's like you have to get used to not being able to be consistently content as the brain won't let you. Why is it though that the people you want the most are never as into you??

Part of me wants to tell the world get lost if I cant be seen as special (as I know I am!) but then I'd be lonely so I have to submit to the word's criteria of judgment, which though I think it's badly flawed and very shallow, is the status quo, so it is just going to crush you if you don't learn how to adapt to it to a certain extent!

On the dating site I go on women write on their profiles that they've been stood up and that the men are only after sex so it's not a bed of roses on the opposite side either. A lot of men don't want to commit to the type of long term serious relationship that a lot of women want; they don't want to have to put the effot into gettign to know the woman, going palces with her; generally being a companion as well as the romantic stuff - many just want the romance/sex part without the hassle of the arguments etc that go with a full relationship.



kirayng
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02 Apr 2012, 10:05 am

Ldub20Owl316 wrote:
kirayng wrote:
Ldub20Owl316 wrote:
people here assert they do? Most of the posts here are depressing and sound hopeless. Since they are, it's making me doubt myself and feel worse about my chances with women. Most of the posts here are members saying they might as well give up and feel that they'll always be single. That, or being unable to shake their desperation. They also talk about the tendency of girls they seek friendship with to ignore them. I hope that this isn't true for all Aspies (everyone is different) but too many posts suggests these shortcomings.


If your avatar is your real picture you should have no worries. :) Cutie> :)

Thanks kirayng. Although it ain't fun being the posterboy of how looks won't always equal a girlfriend. They shouldn't, but why can't good-looking guys who are really a-holes be the posterboys of that? There might've been girls who've shown interest before but none have ever shown it. Which hurts. I've been on dates before (prom and stuff) but that's it. I hate feeling as though everyone can find SOs except myself and other Aspies. It's been one of the reasons I've had death wishes recently. And yes, that's my avatar. I wish some way some girls would show interest in me, but I am glad that you found me attractive!


If we can't read people, how can you tell they haven't shown interest? :) I'd research a bit of body language so that you can learn to read when a girl is flirty or interested in you. Then go from there.

I remember when I thought I was really ugly and no guys looked at me. Turns out, I wasn't paying attention to them in the "right" way. :) It's a major challenge, but definitely not insurmountable.



fraac
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02 Apr 2012, 11:44 am

Maerlyn138 wrote:
fraac wrote:
. I was kissed by a complete stranger one time. She just looked at me and decided that I needed it. She was very lovely, a lesbian in love with her girlfriend, imbued with superpowers.

Ok I'm not even sure what that's supposed to mean. I've never been kissed by a superpower imbued lesbian; even so it doesn't change the fact that because of AS and the way I developed sans diagnosis over the years, I don't have the social/emotional skills to handle that type of situation. I wish I did and I hope people don't think I am "whining" or whatever, but that's just the nature of me.


I decided later that she was probably autistic. Looking in her eyes she was completely naked. When you're in love as an autistic - the real thing I mean, not attachment - it gives you infinite strength (removing all stims and such) and connects you to every point in the universe, and lets you save people by giving them what they need without your self getting in the way. It's pretty intense. Anyone nearby gets affected. She was glowing. She burned right through me.

As an autistic, so long as you haven't picked up bitterness, you have access to everything you need in social, emotional situations. The real stuff isn't learned. We're just animals and we all know exactly what's going on, so long as you don't get in your own way.