Continually approached, but I reject everyone. Why???

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I think maybe his life experiences are relevant to his life, and even then those experiences haven't encompassed every avenue.

I particularly take issue with the assertion that we are not meant for relationships, winners never quit and quitters never win.

Don't waste your life, those things matter much more than one iota to an aspie, because having aspergers does not make you have different needs than any other human being. No man is an island.

If a good relationship hasn't come your way maybe it is due to some aspect of yourself that you can change to improve your odds in the future.Maybe your ''approach'' wasn't ideal or you missed quite obvious signs that your target wasn't interested.There are a lot of variables to consider that you can change instead of assuming Aspies aren't meant for relationships.

Just a shot in the dark, but I think the norm is that people are attracted to other people right away, like during their first conversation or first date. It sounds to me like it's almost necessary for you to admire a guy from afar first, which can certainly be problematic.

I had very similar difficulties in terms of dating in the past. I used to be a lesbian so I didn't like guys, not the guys who approached me, not any guys. In the past few years though I guess I am more of the bisexual type. Yet I would systematically refuse guys (I don't seem to be half as successful with lesbians, so I don't know if I have the same problem with women). In fact, I would normally not let them go as far as asking me out: the second they look interested in me, or say ANYTHING I might construe as flirting, I back off, grow cold, think up excuses to not see them as often or tell them I am not into men. I am not sure why I do that. Someone mentioned the word "wired" and I do feel very wired, stubborn, unchangeable, fixed, autistic on the matter. One guy once asked me what I thought HE should do in order for me to like him, but it is not even about that. I feel conditioned to always say no. Most of the time, it is not problematic. The guys who ask me out are generally not exactly my type. I get approached by much older men a lot (I am 30, and get approached by men in their mid 50s) and though some are kinda cute and nice and fun, I can always give myself the excuse that I do not have the shoulders to date someone who is that much older.
Only once did I send a guy packing and felt quite a lot of regret about it: he was really handsome and fun, not that much older than I and seemed very kind. I met him at this party. We joked around for a while and then he asked me to dance... and I told him I wouldn't dance really coldly, I was kinda rude to him. No way would I have jumped into bed with him on that first evening but had I just danced with him we might have exchanged phone numbers to see where it would go. I blew it, but there is no point in me obsessing over it: I believe I do not know how to say yes.
Also, I would be wary of other people, generally NTs, who pass judgment as to "why you wouldn't date such fine men". Love and sexuality are meant to be profoundly personal matters, and what you feel you can do, or might do, depends on your individual comfort levels. Don’t let anyone push you into doing something you are not comfortable with. That goes for all of us, not just Aspies. But if people around you know you are an Aspie, I find they might disrespect the fact you have your own comfort levels and regard your difficulties as “an Aspie thing”. I personally would rather my friends saw me as a prude than think “hell, I’ll get rid of AS” and do something I might regret, as there is a chance I might also regret going out with the wrong person.

Unless you want to be in a relationship right now for the sake of being in a relationship, it should not matter that you do not find yourself attracted to available men, however many or decent they are.

I am an aspie female, and I also find I am uninterested in men who approach me, sometimes to the confusion of other females.
After talking to other females about this, I have found that many of them go out with men, not because they think they look good or are interesting, but because they enjoy the attention. Many of them only come to be attracted to the man after dating him a while- I think they associate him with rewards (No, I am not trying to be mean or make anyone angry with any of this.)

For me anyway, the problem I have with males who approach me is that they often try to attract me by complimenting me or otherwise making the scene about me. I have realized that the times I have been attracted to a man, I have approached first (usually unsuccessfully XD) By the time they walk up to me to tell me I'm pretty or some other thing I am not interested in hearing, I have already seen them and not been attracted to them. If I am not attracted to a man, no amount of niceness will make me attracted to him. Call me shallow, but I would much rather look at someone pretty and maybe talk about something interesting than be told I am pretty and maybe interesting by someone I find neither pretty nor interesting. heh
I am not sure if it is a she-aspie thing or a me thing- probably a me thing.

OP, if this really bothers you, perhaps you should see a therapist about it. It is not unbelievable that it could be a fear of relationships or that you need to get over someone else before you can be attracted to anyone new.

Well I suspect in Grade 6 or 7 some hag or hags relentlessly bullied you for being a loser for being in the school band or a pathetic loser for wanting to stay in the library at lunch time and write poetry, they told you you simply must have a BF you freak face . Sadly these strange ideas got hardwired into your mind exasperating your depressive issues.



It's quite incredible in a fragile state how easily it can be done/damaging it can be when I got put on disability not for one moment did I think was a slacker or a charlatan yet for what ever reasons my family turned on me and manged to hardware it into my mind that I was one! *

Not helpful at all I can tell you ,already exasperating my issues to the point I was in a toal panic that I would be cut of disability , even after repeatedly X been reassured by my Gp that it's not gonna happen. It makes my blood boil when politicians try to make a cheap point on these matters, I guess I need to make allowances for these cold hearted conservatives they where born with a silver spoon in their gob!




I think you should consider finding a sexing buddy ,[edit: insult removed by moderator], wonder if it will come into fruition if I stay here long enough sexing without that whining and dining, perhaps give Mr Boo a call he sounds keen on the idea I''m kidding sex for me I can only imagine is like trying a oyster, been their done that what is all the fuss about ? being vegan now I'll replace oyster with "truffle" though I suspect that would be a waste of money to I'm supposed to pay $50 bucks for a tiny bit of fungi am I ? I've had semi expensive mushrooms like ceps and that was overrated to ! I'll stick to the mundane button mushrooms me thinks.



* I hope nobody tries that party trick on you

That's not such a bad idea settling and whats wrong with that the failure rate surely couldn't be any worse than those people that hook up for "love" related reasons.

Can it their must be some hard data out their?

Well I may be misreading you but I'm surprised so many people approach you if you find inferior people < 120 I imagine ? so off putting (and they say where blind)

That's a seriously unattractive trait in a person , I think that's the main reason why I wouldn't want to meet you or anybody else here , , I am a simple man with simple pleasures, many people here disappoint me where looks and IQ are the bee end of end all and if in doubt take a look "autism tv" , case closed.

Unless I'm not the aspie person that I think that I am?

I relate to a lot of what you've said. I'm beginning to wonder whether maybe the few times I have been attracted to somebody I have subsequently then scared that person off due to being too forward by approaching them (when they're probably used to being the one doing the approaching).

I was bullied from prep until grade 7, although I wasn't bullied because I didn't have a boyfriend. I have considered this may be an indirect causal factor, but I don't know. I agree about the DSP and about the approach of some conservatives towards people with a disability. It's quite disgusting.

I don't believe I look down on people with a lower IQ than myself, IQ and all that is BS anyway - intelligence is broad and varied and there are many different types. I think obsessing about IQ is a bad idea, so I would advise you not to do that if you can help it. I had a brief period of that where I felt like I needed to have a high IQ to feel good about myself but I'm really glad I got over that.

Ok I've heard this couple of times in my life now, but yet have never met a single guy who was scared off by a women being too forward/approaching. I mean I've heard guys say a girl was too suffocating, but never too forward.

Is it just another one of those weird myths that everyone just accepts is true, like the one about how guys think about sex ever 15min or something like that. And no its not true

so any guy actualy been scared off by a girl being to forward? anyone know any guy who has?

I would reject her.

For some people, the challenge or pursuit is more interesting than the goal itself, some people need someone that keeps them on their toes.

Some people are like cats, they chase a ball of string until the ball is in their hands. The string is only intriguing from a distance, from the perspective that they are chasing it from. They build expectations and have an insatiable hunger for something they can't have at that present moment instead of being content, only to find out that it isn't really as fulfilling when they truly hold it.

Ouch

I might only reconsider after few attempts combined with some flirting (maybe some eroticism), determination is sexy, but my approval isn't guaranteed.

You set the bar high. I admire your standards.