Irritated about always being told to "be myself"

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"be yourself" is a myth

You have to fit into these narrow boundaries of what a person should be like. If I am myself, I turn people off. It's as easy as that.

It's indirectly saying, "We all know you can't act the way you 'normally' do, but try to act 'natural'."

"Just be yourself" is complete BS.

What you need is to act like a person that is attractive to the type of girl(s) you like. It might be that you can't act like that always, but there's something like "acquired taste" and it gives you a chance to at least show yourself within a more fair interaction setting. Otherwise it's all about the reptile NT-brain running it's course, which leaves you with no gain.

With time you might also learn to change yourself into the person you are acting like. Just beware of your own true needs, like time without people at all.

Also many people in general ain't aware what they really are doing. You get the answer what they think they do, only say what is thought of socially acceptable, or what you want to hear to "not hurt your feelings" etc.. And consider all expressions as having a potentially different meaning than what it ought to be. If you want to explore what works but people don't usually do, then you got to get closer into the core of the process.

I think women who say it have the impression that the guys who're most socially fluent are the most 'natural' and the guys who have social problems are 'unnatural'. So they say 'be yourself' to shy guys thinking it'll make them more like the ones who're socially fluent. But obviously in a lot of people's cases here it won't. So for our purposes it's effectively a 'Red Herring'.

Obviously there are certain characteristics that have some degree of universal appeal; like being an alpha male, having good socialising skills, resources. And some that are universally unappealing; like being a sociopath.

So it's definitely best just to ignore the 'be yourself' advice and try to aquiant yourself with social norms and protocol so that you're in a position to develop appealing characteristics.

Okay so it seems that this is a catagory in which I can help. In my life I have numerous girlfriends in every sort of catagory from girls who are now models and country stars on the rise to simplistic girl an down to earth caring girls. What girls are attracted to typically depends on their age and current position in life such as what level of schooling they're in or where they are in life after school. In my life I had found that girls in middle school and typically the first couple years of high school are attracted to the "bad boys" but this will change without warning in the last couple years of highschool and the years follow. They will then tend to like a man who seems to truely care about them and who i sweet and honest. One sure fire benifit to have is the ability to make them laugh. Girls absolutely love to laugh just as everyone else does and it has never failed me when trying to get a girl if I can make them do so. I had not admitted to myself that I was an aspie until this current year because I didn't want to believe it (Even though I have been diagnosed with it since I was in like 5th grade) but now that I accepted it I have allowed myself to grow. I tend to change who I am very often not because I don't like who I am but I believe that I can always better myself. Girls also are more interested in guys who want to better themselves. Now I don't know if it's an aspie thing or if it is just who I was but I always used to be a negative person and the law of belief states that if you think negatively and expect things to go bad they will. Since realizing just how much of an affect just how you think has on life I have become the most optimistic person I know and it has worked wonders for my life. I am in college and everything seems to fall into place just because I expect it to do so. THe same goes for getting a girl, if you believe you will get her it will probably end up happening. ANother tip people have hit on so far is that girls like to be complimented. Don't say something generic like you're pretty much be more descriptive and compliment on more that just their looks. When going about it with their looks the best compliments seem to be about their eyes, hair, and smile. Now remember you don't neccecarily have to say that they have beautiful eyes or an amazing smile you can tell them things like "I love your eyes, it gets hard not to get lost in them". Another good area to compliment on is their laugh, if you are a humurous person you will not be with a girl who has a laugh you don't like so it comes without saying that when you tell them you love their laugh or something like "I am in love with your laugh, everytime I hear it I just find myself waiting for something funny to pop into my mind so I can hear it again". Also another thing I've learned we, as aspies, have to pay more mind to is what we say without thinking. Before you randomly blurt something out give yourself a few seconds to think about it. If it seems like it could be something you shouldn't say it very well probably is. Uhm I have to go because I have a lot of work to do, I have college tonight. But if anyone needs some more advice or has questions Pm me and I'll get back to you. I know how much harder it is going about life as an aspie and I would like to help any way that I can. Tyvm for your time. Deuces.

Okay so in the beginning I meant "have had many girlfriends not have many. I'm not a cheat. So if I can keep from rementioning things i've already stated I will continue. Also if I make mistakes whil writing please forgive them, I'm doing this on my kindle and its not as easy as it sounds. I type fast. But anyways the statement of "be yourself" may not always be the right idea to go by. A better statement would be to "be real". Being yourself can contain many of our unplesant features while being rel is more of having fun, being happy, showing that we are interested in them as a person not as a sex toy, and overall show your strong sides and features. I am typically really good at understanding complex tasks and finding ways to improve them. We all have our strong features we just have to know how to use them. Uhm its shower time for me, sorry. Ill continue later. Deuces people.