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Kinme
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19 Apr 2012, 5:04 pm

Boxman108 wrote:

Pretending to be the victim seems like a lot of fun.

-.- Lol.

Boxman108
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19 Apr 2012, 5:26 pm

Kinme wrote:

Ancalagon wrote:

Kinme wrote:

He's pretty vulgar at times... He keeps asking me things like "have you gotten laid yet?" I've stopped talking to him on and off, but I feel guilty because I've known him for so long. If he continues this crap, I may as well just not talk to him anymore. He doesn't seem like he's being respectful of my wishes at all.

That's justification to not talk to him anymore. You don't need to feel guilty about it, either.

Hard to sometimes. I've dealt with it multiple times now, and each time I feel guilty and keep wanting to "give him another chance" to be my friend.

Quit stringing him along and it'll be a win/win.

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Kinme
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19 Apr 2012, 5:47 pm

Boxman108 wrote:

Kinme wrote:

Ancalagon wrote:

Kinme wrote:

That's justification to not talk to him anymore. You don't need to feel guilty about it, either.

Hard to sometimes. I've dealt with it multiple times now, and each time I feel guilty and keep wanting to "give him another chance" to be my friend.

Quit stringing him along and it'll be a win/win.

I'm not. I give him one word answers and don't talk to him or answer him at times, and he contacts even when I don't answer. I tell him I'm busy, and he doesn't listen. He gets mad at me. I told him I just had an awful breakup and he is still flirting with me like this. How can I "string him along" by telling him that I AM NOT interested? Is that what guys WANT to hear? So, him randomly asking if I had sex is me stringing him along? I told him that I'm waiting for marriage. Is that stringing him along? Please explain.

Boxman108
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19 Apr 2012, 5:53 pm

Kinme wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

Kinme wrote:

Ancalagon wrote:

Kinme wrote:

That's justification to not talk to him anymore. You don't need to feel guilty about it, either.

Hard to sometimes. I've dealt with it multiple times now, and each time I feel guilty and keep wanting to "give him another chance" to be my friend.

Quit stringing him along and it'll be a win/win.

Expecting him to be completely content with being friends after having rejected him is stringing him along. After slandering him over an internet forum I think you have more issues than he does.

Kinme
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19 Apr 2012, 5:58 pm

Boxman108 wrote:

Kinme wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

Kinme wrote:

Ancalagon wrote:

Kinme wrote:

That's justification to not talk to him anymore. You don't need to feel guilty about it, either.

Hard to sometimes. I've dealt with it multiple times now, and each time I feel guilty and keep wanting to "give him another chance" to be my friend.

Quit stringing him along and it'll be a win/win.

Expecting him to be completely content with being friends after having rejected him is stringing him along. After slandering him over an internet forum I think you have more issues than he does.

I'm asking people on here for help and how I can deal with turning him down. He never actually ASKED to be in a relationship; he is just more or less pushing the idea, and I don't know how to tell him I'm not interested when I've already told him. Anyway, I'm not doing anything wrong by asking. I never said he had issues.

AScomposer13413
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19 Apr 2012, 6:06 pm

Kinme wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

Kinme wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

Kinme wrote:

Ancalagon wrote:

Kinme wrote:

That's justification to not talk to him anymore. You don't need to feel guilty about it, either.

Hard to sometimes. I've dealt with it multiple times now, and each time I feel guilty and keep wanting to "give him another chance" to be my friend.

Quit stringing him along and it'll be a win/win.

Expecting him to be completely content with being friends after having rejected him is stringing him along. After slandering him over an internet forum I think you have more issues than he does.

I think you might need to be a little bit more aggressive with it, saying it in all caps (that usually means shouting or raised tone). If you've done that already, the only thing I can think of is to tell him you'll sever the relationship if he doesn't stop. If that doesn't work, actually stop communicating with him. Beyond that, not sure what to say

Kinme
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19 Apr 2012, 6:09 pm

AScomposer13413 wrote:

Kinme wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

Kinme wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

Kinme wrote:

Ancalagon wrote:

Kinme wrote:

That's justification to not talk to him anymore. You don't need to feel guilty about it, either.

Hard to sometimes. I've dealt with it multiple times now, and each time I feel guilty and keep wanting to "give him another chance" to be my friend.

Quit stringing him along and it'll be a win/win.

Expecting him to be completely content with being friends after having rejected him is stringing him along. After slandering him over an internet forum I think you have more issues than he does.

Thanks, AScomposer13413. I'm just going to listen to everyone and tell him that I'm not interested, yet again, and if he doesn't get it, I'll end the friendship.

nomadder
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19 Apr 2012, 8:05 pm

Kinme wrote:

Some people are persistent and don't take no for an answer easily. From his perspective, you're still talking to him and you haven't called him out on his rude questions, so he maybe takes this as a green light to continue to push you. (You didn't do anything wrong, but some people require firmer treatment). Be firm with him and call him out immediately on any rude behavior and end that conversation.

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Kinme
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19 Apr 2012, 8:09 pm

nomadder wrote:

Kinme wrote:

Thanks, nomadder. Should I just be really blunt about it? I did call him out today, and he STILL didn't seem to get the point I was trying to make. Maybe I am not explaining well enough...?

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19 Apr 2012, 8:21 pm

What did you say when you called him out?

Don't discuss it. Make a statement "that's rude" and STOP the conversation. He's maybe used to you not calling him out, might take him some time for him to adjust to the new rules. Think of it as training him to be a better friend.

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You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
AQ 23/50, EQSQ-R EQ 34 SQ 93 (Extreme Systemizer)

Kinme
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19 Apr 2012, 8:39 pm

nomadder wrote:

Maybe it wasn't blatant enough. I told him that he should find a girlfriend and he responded "Lmao who the hell would date me?" That probably wasn't enough at all... I really didn't know what to say to that.

nomadder
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19 Apr 2012, 9:17 pm

Telling him to find a girlfriend is giving him advice and hinting it's not going to be you. You could tell him as you're not interested in dating, you're the not the best person to ask.

If he's asking if you got laid, then call him out by saying "that's vulgar". Don't let him get away with rude behavior.

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I think I'm a not so typical NT
Your score: 106/200 (Aspie), 110/200 (NT)
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
AQ 23/50, EQSQ-R EQ 34 SQ 93 (Extreme Systemizer)

Kinme
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20 Apr 2012, 1:07 am

nomadder wrote:

I have told him both of those things, but not in the same conversation... *Sigh*

I will be sure to tell him that.

Who_Am_I
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20 Apr 2012, 2:03 am

Boxman108 wrote:

Kinme wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

Kinme wrote:

Ancalagon wrote:

Kinme wrote:

That's justification to not talk to him anymore. You don't need to feel guilty about it, either.

Hard to sometimes. I've dealt with it multiple times now, and each time I feel guilty and keep wanting to "give him another chance" to be my friend.

Quit stringing him along and it'll be a win/win.

Expecting him to be completely content with being friends after having rejected him is stringing him along. After slandering him over an internet forum I think you have more issues than he does.

He had the option of walking away instead of hanging around hoping that one day, he might just get laid.
What's so wrong with friendship anyway?

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Kinme
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20 Apr 2012, 2:09 am

Who_Am_I wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

Kinme wrote:

Boxman108 wrote:

Kinme wrote:

Ancalagon wrote:

Kinme wrote:

That's justification to not talk to him anymore. You don't need to feel guilty about it, either.

Hard to sometimes. I've dealt with it multiple times now, and each time I feel guilty and keep wanting to "give him another chance" to be my friend.

Quit stringing him along and it'll be a win/win.

Expecting him to be completely content with being friends after having rejected him is stringing him along. After slandering him over an internet forum I think you have more issues than he does.

He had the option of walking away instead of hanging around hoping that one day, he might just get laid.
What's so wrong with friendship anyway?

If he wants to get laid (he sleeps around with no intention of being in relationships, since he decided to vulgarly tell me this about him doing this with one of my close friends), he can go look elsewhere. I am still a virgin and have no intent on sleeping with ANYONE until marriage.
I don't know. I think being friends is fine. I just think he is looking for more than that, and I am not willing to, nor am I even attracted to him whatsoever.

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20 Apr 2012, 2:13 am

I was asking Boxman; I agree with you about friendship being fine and the importance of respecting clearly stated boundaries.

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