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How on Earth do you approach & talk to women?

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ValentineWiggin
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07 May 2012, 1:56 pm

MXH wrote:

Theres a difference between speaking different and initiating a conversation different. you're likely to initiate different to someone you have an interest to compared to someone you wouldnt care to see again.


And that changes on the basis of the sex of the person....how?


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They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
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RobotGreenAlien2
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07 May 2012, 1:57 pm

One of the biggest thing's that has helped me in social interaction and in Romantic interaction is that most of social interaction is play that NT's unwitingy use a practice for more serious events that might occur.
Think of lion cubs, they play fight and play hunt. They don't know why, it's just fun for them. But they are practicing.
What seems to be the most fun for NT's is something similar. If you can somehow make a situation inert or safe. Eg if you play with a girl saying "my eyes are up here" or "sorry I'm late I hit a hobo on the way here, its ok I cut him up an burried him" or "I could tell you but I'd have to kill you" they hind it very entertaining.
You can't do that all the time though or it would be weird, no more that 30% of your talking. You need to bring some honesty too in that stiuations too;
Talk about you then ask a similar question about them eg:
I have 5 sisters do you have any siblingis.
They should be about your history, who you are now or aspirations. eg:
I love to travel I've been to X anY but I really want to go to Z.

I find stories about:
School, Family and doing stupid things with freinds to be fairly universal.

Listen more than you talk, and really listen. Catalog topics on the same lines that she is talking about. DO NOT force a monolog into the conversation. Converation is tennis not a battling cage.

I'm from Ireland (which may have canceled out some of AS) but there is a rule here everyone needs to be able to Play an Instrement, Tell a Story or Be funny. If you're not either, go for the story becuase you can reherse a few.

I've also found being too rehersed makes you wooden. Think of it as practice building a skill and you can look past the short term problems and see what to improove much easier.

Try to be relaxed and have fun. And remember dating is one of the few cercumstances where you can drink a little (Do not be DRUNK going in) before hand.
--
One of the things I didn't know before is you can use a lot of freind makeing skills with dates too.
--
Make her feel like an interesting person.
_
Maybe this only works in Ireland but I think it's just more explicitly stated here. Weird comes in two flavours; Creepy and Quirky. The difference is putting people at ease. People love quirky. Here people that are too normal are considered drowl (ie. boaring) people like a bit of strange. Own it but wean them onto it and explain why you are doing things often.

Explaining why you do things seems to help you a lot. There're studies that show sometime ANY explaination is better than not saying anything. I don't randomly sniff people but if I got caught doing it I'd just say "Sorry, that purfum is lovely what is it?".

It would probably be fine, infact she would be complimented.

I think that's all the advice I have for here.



ValentineWiggin
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07 May 2012, 1:59 pm

MXH wrote:

Also, your passive agressive sarcasm responses make you sound stupid. please for the sake of discussion act like someone your age


I wasn't being sarcastic. Hey- we're Aspies- it happens. :)


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of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


Chummy
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07 May 2012, 1:59 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Chummy wrote:
Zinia wrote:
I think one of the easiest ways to start a conversation with anyone is to ask them a question. If you also compliment them, then that's usually a good thing too as it's nice.


Pretty much yeah, alot of times the way I start a conversation with strangers (that I want to get to know) is asking them questions they already know the answer. So that way, they can't answer "Don't know" - an answer that will kill the conversation. People like other people listening to what they have to say, and yes they also like compliments. But certain people just overdo it... like complimenting every 5 minutes.... or letting the other person do all the talk- and that' bad because having an obsessed or dependant partner makes an unstable/unsuccessful relationship.


Open ended questions are a good suggestion.


That too^^



MXH
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07 May 2012, 2:01 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
MXH wrote:

Funny, cause thats how I approach women. OP asked what he should do to talk to women, instead of saying talk to them like if theyre a guy why dont you suggest to just talk based on the situation?


Probably because the two things you just said are identical. :lol:


Not really. But believe as you wish. Saying talk to them as a guy involves finding things in that situation that a guy would conncet with better. You should find something in that situation that a woman would connect with better.

Quote:
And that changes on the basis of the sex of the person....how?


Because he isnt likely to initiate a conversation with interest in dating to a guy.



MXH
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07 May 2012, 2:03 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
MXH wrote:

Also, your passive agressive sarcasm responses make you sound stupid. please for the sake of discussion act like someone your age


I wasn't being sarcastic. Hey- we're Aspies- it happens. :)


i know this is off topic, its just a peeve i have of your posting style. You do make those often and it just leaves a lot more questions than answer on what you're saying. Makes it sound as if you're saying things just for the sake of having something to say.



Joker
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07 May 2012, 2:06 pm

Girls some times do what guys like to do. Guys some times like to do what girls like to do. So just talk to them as a person and mot as a sex it's really that simple.



ValentineWiggin
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07 May 2012, 2:10 pm

MXH wrote:

Saying talk to them as a guy involves finding things in that situation that a guy would conncet with better.

Nope.


I said "talk to them as you would a guy",
and then proceeded to explain that doing so meant APPEALING TO THE PERSON SPECIFICALLY
on the basis of shared interests or something you found interesting about them.

We need to go back and read. :wink:
MXH wrote:
You should find something in that situation that a woman would connect with better.

Oh, right, because men are X and women are Y and deviating from Program XY Get-a-Girl will result in SYSTEM MELTDOWN, right?
(Note: THAT was sarcasm!)

MXH wrote:
Because he isnt likely to initiate a conversation with interest in dating to a guy.

Kind of like if you're just speaking to a woman for the first time,
you don't know enough about them to be that sure about wanting to date them, either. :)


_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


Last edited by ValentineWiggin on 07 May 2012, 2:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MXH
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07 May 2012, 2:10 pm

Joker wrote:
Girls some times do what guys like to do. Guys some times like to do what girls like to do. So just talk to them as a person and mot as a sex it's really that simple.


The key is finding what the person likes. Is it so evil to have a basis on what to look for?



ValentineWiggin
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07 May 2012, 2:12 pm

MXH wrote:

i know this is off topic, its just a peeve i have of your posting style. You do make those often and it just leaves a lot more questions than answer on what you're saying. Makes it sound as if you're saying things just for the sake of having something to say.


Because you misread sarcasm into (some more of?) my posts? :?


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of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


ValentineWiggin
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07 May 2012, 2:14 pm

MXH wrote:
Joker wrote:
Girls some times do what guys like to do. Guys some times like to do what girls like to do. So just talk to them as a person and mot as a sex it's really that simple.


The key is finding what the person likes. Is it so evil to have a basis on what to look for?


Arguments could be made that it's unethical to to sex-stereotype people,
but I think the larger issue here is that it's INEFFICIENT to do so,
and will usually result in failure if you're trying to approach people on the basis of putting them into little boxes based on things you've made up about their entire sex.


_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


RobotGreenAlien2
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07 May 2012, 2:15 pm

Sorry about going but I think this kind of interaction is the pinical of social skills.
I 've found the following books/audio book's helpful:
Cocky comedy,
How to make freinds and * Dale Carnegy,
How to talk to anyone Larry King. <-- This one in particular is surprisingly good, And emphisises going into an convo with no info.

And remember if she agreed to a date she already likes you
--
Break the contact barrier imediantly, give her a low key (for an NT) hug and a kiss on the cheek.
--
I also advise the following with serious caveats:
The Mystery Method -Mystery

He's an utter douche and I feel like a douche recommending it at all. But It REALLY helped me.
Everthing in that book is douchy, manipulative or obvious (to NT's) and its that last catagoy I needed.
Some Ideas make a lot of sense. Like attractive women have been approched continualy since they
began puberty sometimes by very creepy guys and It makes perfect sense that they have built defences
against it, and to not take that personaly.
Or some of the basic things women MAY look for; Style, health, social ability (sorry but luckily it's only one of many), Strengh, ability to provide and a whole host of others that are unique to the person.
Or that you need to establish trust, that a Woman/Girl has to become very vulnerable to be intimate with a guy.

Anyway, reading a book written but a manipulative douche doesn't make you one. Trust yourself choose what is moral and what is obviously immoral (like undermining her confidence)



Kurgan
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07 May 2012, 2:15 pm

RobotGreenAlien2 wrote:
One of the biggest thing's that has helped me in social interaction and in Romantic interaction is that most of social interaction is play that NT's unwitingy use a practice for more serious events that might occur.
Think of lion cubs, they play fight and play hunt. They don't know why, it's just fun for them. But they are practicing.
What seems to be the most fun for NT's is something similar. If you can somehow make a situation inert or safe. Eg if you play with a girl saying "my eyes are up here" or "sorry I'm late I hit a hobo on the way here, its ok I cut him up an burried him" or "I could tell you but I'd have to kill you" they hind it very entertaining.
You can't do that all the time though or it would be weird, no more that 30% of your talking. You need to bring some honesty too in that stiuations too;
Talk about you then ask a similar question about them eg:
I have 5 sisters do you have any siblingis.
They should be about your history, who you are now or aspirations. eg:
I love to travel I've been to X anY but I really want to go to Z.

I find stories about:
School, Family and doing stupid things with freinds to be fairly universal.

Listen more than you talk, and really listen. Catalog topics on the same lines that she is talking about. DO NOT force a monolog into the conversation. Converation is tennis not a battling cage.

I'm from Ireland (which may have canceled out some of AS) but there is a rule here everyone needs to be able to Play an Instrement, Tell a Story or Be funny. If you're not either, go for the story becuase you can reherse a few.

I've also found being too rehersed makes you wooden. Think of it as practice building a skill and you can look past the short term problems and see what to improove much easier.

Try to be relaxed and have fun. And remember dating is one of the few cercumstances where you can drink a little (Do not be DRUNK going in) before hand.
--
One of the things I didn't know before is you can use a lot of freind makeing skills with dates too.
--
Make her feel like an interesting person.
_
Maybe this only works in Ireland but I think it's just more explicitly stated here. Weird comes in two flavours; Creepy and Quirky. The difference is putting people at ease. People love quirky. Here people that are too normal are considered drowl (ie. boaring) people like a bit of strange. Own it but wean them onto it and explain why you are doing things often.

Explaining why you do things seems to help you a lot. There're studies that show sometime ANY explaination is better than not saying anything. I don't randomly sniff people but if I got caught doing it I'd just say "Sorry, that purfum is lovely what is it?".

It would probably be fine, infact she would be complimented.

I think that's all the advice I have for here.


Image



MXH
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07 May 2012, 2:16 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
MXH wrote:

Saying talk to them as a guy involves finding things in that situation that a guy would conncet with better.

Nope.


I said "talk to them as you would a guy",
and then proceeded to explain that doing so meant APPEALING TO THE PERSON SPECIFICALLY
on the basis of shared interests or something you found interesting about them.

We need to go back and read. :wink:
MXH wrote:
You should find something in that situation that a woman would connect with better.

Oh, right, because men are X and women are Y and deviating from Program XY Get-a-Girl will result in SYSTEM MELTDOWN, right?

MXH wrote:
Because he isnt likely to initiate a conversation with interest in dating to a guy.

Kind of like if you're just speaking to a woman for the first time,
you don't know enough about them to be that sure about wanting to date them, either. :)


Like i said, i find your posts hard to read. Plus WP freezing hasnt helped. I not once noticed you say that it was location specific. All ive said is that one should be wary of things before talking.


Where did I say that? I simply said there is a higher likelyhood that if she has a fancy dress on she wont care if you talk about football. Now if she has a jersey on then go for football.

No, but you show that you have interest in getting to know them to date. Plus ive noticed most young people dont bother with getting to know someone before dating, but rather simply approach and ask them out.



ValentineWiggin
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07 May 2012, 2:18 pm

RobotGreenAlien2 wrote:
How to talk to anyone Larry King. <-- This one in particular is surprisingly good, And emphisises going into an convo with no info.


I'm looking at it on Amazon. It actually does sound intriguing...


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of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


MXH
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07 May 2012, 2:22 pm

RobotGreenAlien2 wrote:
I also advise the following with serious caveats:
The Mystery Method -Mystery

He's an utter douche and I feel like a douche recommending it at all. But It REALLY helped me.
Everthing in that book is douchy, manipulative or obvious (to NT's) and its that last catagoy I needed.
Some Ideas make a lot of sense. Like attractive women have been approched continualy since they
began puberty sometimes by very creepy guys and It makes perfect sense that they have built defences
against it, and to not take that personaly.
Or some of the basic things women MAY look for; Style, health, social ability (sorry but luckily it's only one of many), Strengh, ability to provide and a whole host of others that are unique to the person.
Or that you need to establish trust, that a Woman/Girl has to become very vulnerable to be intimate with a guy.

Anyway, reading a book written but a manipulative douche doesn't make you one. Trust yourself choose what is moral and what is obviously immoral (like undermining her confidence)


Funny you say this, my roomate (and WP member) met mystery in his trip to finland last weekend. She has been making a thread about their conversation but has been abroad for a while so she hasnt posted it. But the gist of it was when mystery himself told her that he simply sells "BS". The guy simply makes a living on telling people what they want to hear. Any success from PUA comes from approaching massive ammounts of women with no shame in rejection (if anything building ego on rejection).