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Dating an aspie - when to kiss him?

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gaffa91
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18 May 2012, 11:35 am

And also because aspies get sex experience less likely because of their bad social skills. So in average, we are worse at sex than NTs.



Tequila
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18 May 2012, 11:37 am

gaffa91 wrote:
And also because aspies get sex experience less likely because of their bad social skills.


Sometimes (although not always) true, but we can easily make up for that when we do get sex, and we can often do a better job if we really listen to our partner. Many NT guys simply don't care what their partner really wants and behave like it's a porno - we can do things differently as we have different perspectives on things.



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18 May 2012, 11:39 am

Tequila wrote:
Perhaps they're desirable because they're different, or they're attractive, or they're attentive, or they like the same sort of music/movies/clothes, or a million other reasons. We're not a sheet of paper with a diagnosis on it, showing how we are condemned to a life of utter misery - we're people with strengths and weaknesses, just like any other person.

I've found that many more NTs are attracted to me than those with Asperger's, put it that way, friend.

Is it so hard to understand that in MOST PEOPLE asperger's does decrease value in the relationship market. Why anyone would want a person whose social skills just suck? Social skills ALSO INCLUDES how to get others attracted to YOU. Why you always want to defend aspies - yes - becuase you don't want a scratch to your ego, or accept that you are a lot of weaker than NTs in some areas. That does not mean that you automatically have strengths which NTs don't have.



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18 May 2012, 11:44 am

gaffa91 wrote:
Is it so hard to understand that in MOST PEOPLE asperger's does decrease value in the relationship market. Why anyone would want a person whose social skills just suck?


Some people like others who are reserved and aren't social butterflies. Other people want someone that they can take care of and help. Other people just find the geeky-looking socially inept geek guy/girl with the weird glasses mega, mega fanciable. Many because they feel they have found a kindred spirit. There are so many variables.

gaffa91 wrote:
Social skills ALSO INCLUDES how to get others attracted to YOU.


Sometimes, this just isn't necessary - social skills can help in people becoming attracted to you, yes, but there are so many variables. Some Aspies have had women attracted to them often because of their poor social skills. And anyway, social skills can often be learnt with a mixture of trial and error, reading up on things and talking to friends and relatives.



gaffa91
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18 May 2012, 11:45 am

Tequila wrote:
Many NT guys simply don't care what their partner really wants and behave like it's a porno - we can do things differently as we have different perspectives on things.

Just please, don't make stupid assumptions just because you have asperger's. You'd LIKE TO THINK that things are like that, not what is true. How on earth could you know that?



gaffa91
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18 May 2012, 11:48 am

Tequila wrote:
Some people like others who are reserved and aren't social butterflies. Other people want someone that they can take care of and help. Other people just find the geeky-looking socially inept geek guy/girl with the weird glasses mega, mega fanciable. Many because they feel they have found a kindred spirit. There are so many variables.

Of course a person with asperger's can get a girl/boyfriend, I haven't said otherwise. But because of bad social skills, it is less likely. You look things at unfair perspective and make things look like asperger's is good thing, not because it is true, but because you'd like that it would be true.



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18 May 2012, 11:54 am

gaffa91 wrote:
Just please, don't make stupid assumptions just because you have asperger's.


No, I've seen their attitudes in the flesh. A lot of guys really are thick as mince and really do behave like this and think that "abusive" porn-style sex is How Sex Should Be Done. They don't have a clue.

But, yes, NTs are all different, much like we are. Some Aspies are like this too, although I wouldn't be surprised if that's more of a problem with NT blokes trying to be all "masculine".

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How on earth could you know that?


Porn has a big influence on how men treat their partners, I've found. Have you never seen a copy of Nuts?

gaffa91 wrote:
Of course a person with asperger's can get a girl/boyfriend, I haven't said otherwise. But because of bad social skills, it is less likely. You look things at unfair perspective and make things look like asperger's is good thing, not because it is true, but because you'd like that it would be true.


I'm not saying it's a good thing. In many circumstances, it can be an impairment. But just because we have this impairment doesn't mean that, in many cases, people aren't attracted to us in the same way that people are attracted to NTs. :)



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18 May 2012, 12:03 pm

Tequila wrote:
No, I've seen their attitudes in the flesh. A lot of guys really are thick as mince and really do behave like this and think that "abusive" porn-style sex is How Sex Should Be Done. They don't have a clue.

But, yes, NTs are all different, much like we are. Some Aspies are like this too, although I wouldn't be surprised if that's more of a problem with NT blokes trying to be all "masculine".

Hey, I've thought too that sex in real life is just like porn movies. :D And that's one reason usually first sex experience is disappointing. I don't want long term relationship because in my case I think it takes more than it gives.

Tequila wrote:
I'm not saying it's a good thing. In many circumstances, it can be an impairment. But just because we have this impairment doesn't mean that, in many cases, people aren't attracted to us in the same way that people are attracted to NTs. Smile

Of course women can be attracted to us. The skill matters to change that attraction to long-term relationship, sex, or whatever we want about her/him.



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18 May 2012, 12:06 pm

gaffa91 wrote:
Tequila wrote:
Many NT guys simply don't care what their partner really wants and behave like it's a porno - we can do things differently as we have different perspectives on things.

Just please, don't make stupid assumptions just because you have asperger's. You'd LIKE TO THINK that things are like that, not what is true. How on earth could you know that?


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gaffa91
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18 May 2012, 12:13 pm

Hey c'mon Bluemax, just because I have different opinion doesn't mean I'm trolling. :)



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18 May 2012, 12:22 pm

Quite.
This is already getting a bit heated and that needs to be toned down, and BlueMax: if you don't have anything to add then it would be better if you just found another thread to play on.


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18 May 2012, 12:33 pm

Cornflake wrote:
Quite.
This is already getting a bit heated and that needs to be toned down, and BlueMax: if you don't have anything to add then it would be better if you just found another thread to play on.


Really? You let the guy saying "no one should ever date icky Aspies" go and you blast me for calling him out on it?



gaffa91
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18 May 2012, 12:58 pm

BlueMax wrote:
Really? You let the guy saying "no one should ever date icky Aspies" go and you blast me for calling him out on it?

Where have I said that no one should ever date with aspies? Even though that makes no sense in the long run, all things cannot be measured rationally.



gaffa91
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18 May 2012, 1:09 pm

Cornflake wrote:
Quite.
This is already getting a bit heated and that needs to be toned down, and BlueMax: if you don't have anything to add then it would be better if you just found another thread to play on.

I think this is just a good conversation without any trolling. I just said my honest opinion.



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18 May 2012, 1:18 pm

I really have to question what makes gaffa91 come up with such ideas.

gaffa91 wrote:
Where have I said that no one should ever date with aspies?


And I quote:

gaffa91 wrote:
I just said the truth. Why on earth anyone would want someone with asperger's as a partner in the long run? Life isn't fair, deal with it.


You know, I wonder if these ideas come from your own bad experiences or if you really don't like something about yourself. Sorry, man, the truth hurts.

To be positive here though, I've heard a story where a marriage with a male Aspie and a female NT almost fell apart. But after 25 years of marriage they decided to work it out and go for counselling. In the end, he proposed to her and wanted to remarry his wife because of everything that has happened. They're still together today.

Furthermore, I'm in a mind blowing awesome relationship with a hot metal-loving babe after a harsh break-up with a Christian country girl and we're about to celebrate our anniversary come June. I'd keep your opinions and do some more research on Aspergers and relationships. You'll find some very interesting stories.

Lastly, 99/100 are not NTs. It's more like 75/100 are.
And you are trolling. Your posts are degrading to this whole section of the forum.


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gaffa91
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18 May 2012, 1:30 pm

aarpar, PLEASE learn some reading skills. If I wonder why anyone would prefer to date with aspie, that doesn't mean that anyone shouldn't date with them.

Your cases are just some occasions, the whole picture is what matters most. And that says that aspies are weaker at relationships, sex is worse and divorce rate is higher. Statistical fact.

gaffa91 wrote:
Lastly, 99/100 are not NTs. It's more like 75/100 are.

Oh sorry, I meant that 99 out of 100 are not on the autistic spectrum. But maybe humanity should do something about it, because if this is true, the rate is way too low.

gaffa91 wrote:
And you are trolling. Your posts are degrading to this whole section of the forum.

That doesn't mean I'm trolling if I discuss a lot with this topic.