I wish somebody's free will compelled her to love me

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My girlfriend was actually attracted to me because I "spoke with maturity."

Anyone else catch the problem in the thread title... Free will - compel...? Polar opposites.

Maybe it's a song lyrics thing....

I see it.

May I just add that attraction has nothing to do with free will? I can't make myself fall in love with someone.

For the OP; may I ask why you want a girlfriend so badly? Not that there's anything wrong with it, but it might do you some good to think about the exact reasons behind this. Feeling as low as you seem to feel is not something a romantic partner will be able to cure in the long run, I think.

Of course not, but the OP hasn't worked that out and maybe a relationship will help. He just hasn't got the t-shirt, yet.

It does help for many, i saw it many times. I think a relationship gives like +1000 of self-esteem points and like -1000 to bitterness....for some jaded single people at least

I can name you two fascinating and head-spinning examples and i know many users here can confirm it: Erisad and KenM

Erisad is a young female wp user who was very active here on L&D, before getting her first bf she was always used to come here and over-complain how she can't get a bf and how guys don't like her, she was always sad, depressed and self-loathing person.
After she started getting bfs, the tone of her posts totally changed, she's now active in the adult section, doing adult jokes/posts most of the time and at time she seemed very happy with her sexual/love life. She's no longer complaining/whining.

KenM is a 40s male wp was also very active here, he was a Sodini-supporter, very jaded, depressed and very woman-hater when he was single but now after he got a gf.....**pouff** ... like magic, he's no longer active here but in his rare recent apparitions he sounded like a very nice guy and unexpectedly quite gender-wise egalitarian.

Maybe it ain't a girlfriend that I want so badly; maybe it is a chance to meet more single girls so I can talk to them and have a chance to be their BF. But the fact is that I've never been in a relationship before and would take 95 bad ones over none. There is no benefit to being single your whole life!

My environment may be making me want a girlfriend badly too, as is the fact that I feel empty without one. But thanks for the responses everyone.

I also know my title sounds confusing, but what else could I've said? Free will is what causes somebody to choose me or reject me. You can't make yourself fall in love with somebody? Explain that, because in certain cases I believe you can. Those cases don't appear to be available to me, though.

It's difficult for us to tell you if you're doing something wrong, and if so what it is.
As others have suggested; classes and group activities are usually good ways to meet other people/potential romantic partners.
Do you know the site meetup.com? I have this friend who meets people through that site and for her it has been a success.
When attending some social gathering, try to tell yourself that you're not there to find the love of your life. You're just there to practice being social and trying to enjoy yourself. Nothing more. Love is not something you can hunt down with a club.

I understand that you're lonely. There's nothing odd about wanting to have someone whom you can shower with love.
Do you know what you're looking for in a partner? What kind of future you'd like to have together?

As for the whole free will thing; free will might cause you to be rejected, but think about it: if they're not interested, why wouldn't they reject you? They don't owe you anything. They don't even owe you a shot. That's the reality for all of us (who are interested in romance, that is). Why would they wish to make themselves fall in love with you? If the attraction isn't there it's not there. I'm not trying to discourage you, I'm just saying that you cannot force love and that you shouldn't blame women for lacking interest. You most likely shouldn't blame yourself either (I don't know you enough to tell).

Another VERY good point! I've chatted with some very, very nice people that might've made a good mate if I found them at all attractive (and boy did I try - she deserved the chance.) So help me there was just no attraction, no chemistry... like kissing my sister or something. Someone observed that my taste in women seems to be pretty limited - there are not many I find physically appealing. The ones I find attractive usually aren't interested in ME.

I don't think the OP was being literal with the thread title.

It hints at a potential issue with an underlying attitude though. The language people chose to use is significant.

I wonder if that goatee you sport is a turnoff for women? Also, hopefully, your grammar in writing isn't so bad that women think, "This guy doesn't have much going on upstairs." (I am, of course, referring to the title of this thread which was very difficult to interpret because of the grammatical errors).

As sexy as many of us may find spelling 'n grammar, it's fast becoming a lost art and NOT as desired as it once was...

First of all, that picture was from awhile back, I am clean-shaven.

And second, and most importantly, if you don't like my grammar, FIX IT YOURSELF. How else was I supposed to word the title? Sorry, but finding a correctly worded sentence incorrect and judging my grammar by it annoys me and makes you look like a fool, redrobin62.

If it is my Asperger's that is keeping women away, I might as well admit it that I don't belong among the living. Nothing convinces me that I do belong among the living.

If I could trade places with a person living in an impoverished country that's got a sense of belonging, I would. At least their lives are easier than mine (and when I say that, I am being absolutely serious; I ain't being a sarcastic virgin)! Starving is much easier than loneliness!

No, the goatee is certainly not a turn off. Judging by the OP's avatar photo, I doubt his problems in finding a girlfriend are in any way related to how he looks. As for the grammar in the title of this thread, I find it perfectly easy to understand that the OP wishes a girl would love him and not by her feeling forced into it. There are many threads on here with titles which are barely related to the threads. This is not one of them.

OP, What do you do? Are you a student or employed? Do you have any hobbies or interests that mean you get to meet other people? I'd suggest that's the best way to meet others.

You sound terribly depressed and pessimistic. Are you able to conceal this, when meeting other people? If not, that will be putting women off. Never give any indication that you're desperate or she won't feel special at all (i.e. you've only picked her because you'll take anybody) or you'll scare her off, thinking you're only interested in one thing.

What I found attractive in my husband was his obvious interest in me and that we had similar ideas, which we spoke about. A subject that you can speak about equally is perfect for getting to know someone. It need not be anything romantic, e.g. shared interest in the environment or politics or science or a hobby or a TV show, anything really, so long as she's equally interested (and not faking it to be polite).

I really wish you well.

I read your post and the responses that followed and everyone is right on. Dating sites do work but you do need to go out there and meet people. It's hard for an aspie to go to social gatherings especially by yourself so go with a friend. People meet at gyms, libraries, farmers markets, broadway shows ( well in ny), parties, and then your average bar or club scene. It does take time to meet the right person or someone that will be with your time. So be patient. I met my husband in my late 20s. I did feel at one point that maybe I would never find someone...I think many people worry about it. It's normal to tern to have love and company. Go out there and make friends...