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hanyo
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07 Jun 2012, 2:31 am

I never wanted kids and I'm 37 and I never changed my mind.

Even the time I gave birth I had people telling me "you'll love it and want it when you see it". I felt nothing.



Shebakoby
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07 Jun 2012, 2:38 am

I think the problem is that most people who never do change their minds about being childfree are autistic to some degree, which is why they will never change their minds.

When many neurotypicals go "oh I'm never having kids" when they're young, what ends up happening is that 9 times out of 10, they do end up changing their minds. Because this happens, nobody thinks to consider that people who are especially adamant they won't want kids ever do in fact have a thing that causes them to keep the same opinion forever about having kids. This is a concept that neurotypicals have trouble with.



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07 Jun 2012, 3:06 am

hanyo wrote:
I never wanted kids and I'm 37 and I never changed my mind.

Even the time I gave birth I had people telling me "you'll love it and want it when you see it". I felt nothing.

Are you saying you have a kid now, and wish you never got him/her? Or did you let someone else adopt it?


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hanyo
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07 Jun 2012, 3:31 am

Blownmind wrote:
Are you saying you have a kid now, and wish you never got him/her? Or did you let someone else adopt it?


I gave it up for adoption.



DogsWithoutHorses
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07 Jun 2012, 3:40 am

Shebakoby wrote:
I think the problem is that most people who never do change their minds about being childfree are autistic to some degree, which is why they will never change their minds.

When many neurotypicals go "oh I'm never having kids" when they're young, what ends up happening is that 9 times out of 10, they do end up changing their minds. Because this happens, nobody thinks to consider that people who are especially adamant they won't want kids ever do in fact have a thing that causes them to keep the same opinion forever about having kids. This is a concept that neurotypicals have trouble with.


I don't think that holds, there are plenty child free allistics. (and on a personal note while I've always known I wanted a child, finding out the negative things some people say about autistic people having kids makes me want them even more, because I know I'll be brilliant at it and I love proving bigots wrong)

I think a lot of people who don't really want a kid get worn down by societal/familial pressure. The is pressure to conform and even if the whole 2.5 kids and a white picket fence isn't still actually the norm, it's still the standard people are pressured to conform to.

Also, accidents happen and it takes a certain kind of personality to admit they don't want kids when they already have one. I bet a lot of teen moms regret having a child while still loving the child.

I know my grandmother never wanted children, she had 6. She loves them, she stills regrets having had them.


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Keeno
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07 Jun 2012, 6:55 am

Kaelynn wrote:
I never want kids. I hate babies and todlers. They are loud and sticky and just disgusting. :eew: I do however, like kids that are 9 years or older. I also don't want something that takes up the rest of my life. Does any one else feel this way or am I the only one?


:thumleft:



NicoleG
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07 Jun 2012, 10:21 am

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Wouldn't 9 year olds be called friends, not kids. You are only 15 yourself, according to your profile.

No. When I was 15 I worked as a volunteer counselor at a summer camp. I worked with boys aged 8-12. The camp was divided into groups based on ages, and I really didn't want to work with the younger children, because there wasn't as much cool things that you could do with them. As it was, the senior counselor I worked with was 18- or 19 and an Eagle Scout, and all the boys were in some form of boys scouts, and I had been in girl scouts and was a very free-spirited tomboy. We got to do things like cut down areas of a forest, use knot working to build up our camp area, etc. None of that stuff could have been done with the younger kids.

They all made me feel every bit of my being a girl, though, by the end of camp season when all the boys went out and picked wild flowers to give me as a thank you for being an awesome junior counselor. They wouldn't have done that if I was a boy.



Blownmind
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07 Jun 2012, 10:39 am

NicoleG wrote:
Blownmind wrote:
Wouldn't 9 year olds be called friends, not kids. You are only 15 yourself, according to your profile.

No. When I was 15 I worked as a volunteer counselor at a summer camp. I worked with boys aged 8-12. The camp was divided into groups based on ages, and I really didn't want to work with the younger children, because there wasn't as much cool things that you could do with them. As it was, the senior counselor I worked with was 18- or 19 and an Eagle Scout, and all the boys were in some form of boys scouts, and I had been in girl scouts and was a very free-spirited tomboy. We got to do things like cut down areas of a forest, use knot working to build up our camp area, etc. None of that stuff could have been done with the younger kids.

They all made me feel every bit of my being a girl, though, by the end of camp season when all the boys went out and picked wild flowers to give me as a thank you for being an awesome junior counselor. They wouldn't have done that if I was a boy.

Made a long post, but decided to delete it. Not really interested in discussing it. Good for you that you got flowers.


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Hanibal94
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14 Jun 2012, 8:39 am

In the past, I was unsure but didn't feel like it. Now that I have a little brother, I know the answer: DO NOT WANT. EVER.



hanyo
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14 Jun 2012, 8:48 am

I've been sure all along but after taking care of a young kitten for 3 weeks I know that if I wasn't sure before I would be now.

He is so demanding. I can barely do anything or leave the house because if he's hungry or lonely he cries. The only time I left the house in the last 3 weeks was to take him to the vet. I can't even sleep all night. I can't wait until he is big enough that it will be safe to let him wander around the house unsupervised. Then all I will need to do is put food and water down once or twice a day and give him attention when he comes to me.



NicoleG
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14 Jun 2012, 10:00 am

hanyo wrote:
I've been sure all along but after taking care of a young kitten for 3 weeks I know that if I wasn't sure before I would be now.

He is so demanding. I can barely do anything or leave the house because if he's hungry or lonely he cries. The only time I left the house in the last 3 weeks was to take him to the vet. I can't even sleep all night. I can't wait until he is big enough that it will be safe to let him wander around the house unsupervised. Then all I will need to do is put food and water down once or twice a day and give him attention when he comes to me.

Woah. You must have gotten a teeny tiny baby kitten. Usually after a few weeks they're pretty self sufficient.



hanyo
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14 Jun 2012, 12:04 pm

NicoleG wrote:
Woah. You must have gotten a teeny tiny baby kitten. Usually after a few weeks they're pretty self sufficient.


I don't know how old he was when I got him and the vet didn't seem to know either. I'd estimate around 3-5 weeks but I can't really tell and he was the runt of the litter and the other two kittens are way bigger than him. He was able to eat when I got him. I didn't have to nurse him.

His mother is a feral cat that goes in my yard. He was little and sickly so he didn't run away when I went out there and took him in. I managed to get him before he turned feral. The other kittens already run if they see me.

He won't even eat the dry food yet and barely eats it when I moisten it. The other kittens gobble it up if I put dry out for them.



mike_br
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14 Jun 2012, 12:53 pm

Kaelynn wrote:
I never want kids. I hate babies and todlers. They are loud and sticky and just disgusting. :eew: I do however, like kids that are 9 years or older. I also don't want something that takes up the rest of my life. Does any one else feel this way or am I the only one?


Welcome aboard.

I have no affection for babies, don't care to look at pictures, hold, or stay anywhere crying range.
I like kids, but don't want to be a problem for the rest of my life.

btw, I've expressed this idea since... 14-15? I'm 36... nothing has changed.



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14 Jun 2012, 2:07 pm

Blownmind wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
Having kids is an optional choice and thank God for that. I don't want to have kids either unless I can find a really good woman.

Yupp, "thank God" for abortion. :wink:


I wish people would use contraception and not make any kids in the first place rather than kill them off because it's an inconvenience.

That said, was pretty sure I wanted kids and when #1 arrived on the scene I was proven absolutely right. :) I absolutely adore my two boys!

The only regret is that their mother went bonkers and essentially stole them from me. The separation is excruciating.


If you don't want kids, that's fine. If you do, that's okay too. In either scenario - JUST BE RESPONSIBLE!



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14 Jun 2012, 7:36 pm

I've never had a desire for children. I think people tend to judge those who don't want kids, think them selfish, but it is far more selfish to bring a child into the world and not for the right reasons. In my case I have just about every reason not to have kids:

1) I don't relate to them. I could never get on all fours and talk like a toddler, and play. I find children moronic.
2) I don't want to risk fathering a special needs child. I don't want the kid to suffer, and I don't want to deal with caring for a special needs kid my whole life.
3) I have too many plans that don't involve kids
4) I don't want to spend my money on kids; I'd rather spend it on my films and baseball cards
5) I regard kids to be amoral and rather rotten until they mature
6) I just really hate kids.

Need I say more?



MorningBlueBrz
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14 Jun 2012, 10:59 pm

metaldanielle wrote:
I don't want kids either. I am too irresponsible to be a parent. I do not want to emotionally damage a kid by subjecting them to my meltdowns, shutdowns etc. I don't want any of my medical conditions to be passed on to another person. Most of the aspie mothers I know have kids on the spectrum, as much as I hate my AS, I could never inflict it on another person. I don't like the idea of pushing a person out a small orifice, or having my stomach split open. Also I don't want to have to make the choice between my health or the risk of potential damage to my baby from the medication I'm on. The risk is slight but with all of the other potential problems (including getting the disease the medication is for) I wouldn't want to make the choice to risk it.


Wow. I'm quite on an opposite end to this. I don't believe to have weird problems because of a condition would cause children to not feel loved or taken care of or listened to, which I think is what damages a kid emotionally. I'm at peace with my asperger's, and would have no problem consciously having an aspie kid, because I feel they are only different and if our different needs are taken care of (unlike mine which went repressed), they will be healthy, beautiful, aspie persons. :?: