What if I never get to even get into bed with a man?

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And then bragged about it.

Pretty sure your trying to mock me because I was trying to make a joke, at least I'm not the one trying to be alpha on an autism forum, nevertheless I don't see my virginity as a burden, despite missing out on a lot of "fun" I don't mind waiting for the right girl as I've already waited this long. (Excuses, excuses ... )

I know you were. I'm not trying to be alpha, and to be honest I find that a lot of the people who would sleep with me... I wouldn't necessarily want (or be able) to sleep with them.

You're derailing a thread by mentioning an irrelevant, derogatory internet stereotype that probably accounts for roughly 5% of self-proclaimed nice guys?

The passive role is the easier role. A woman who isn't approached still needs to get herself out there, though...

@OP: 80 year old virgins aren't "common" and unless there's something bizarre about you that really sets you apart from other women with mild Asperger's, chances are that you'll probably lose it in the near future.

there is no 'out there'.

I think what is meant is meeting people independently, without a constant chaperone or being a recluse.

Exactly. If she wants laid, she needs to be in an area where there are men and needs to be receptive.

oh how horrible...no guy would never do that

(not trying to put you down at all Boo, I don't think that's inherently bad behavior)

But you must admit tho: receiving a lot of messages on a dating site isn't much of an achievement for a female *human* (for obvious reasons), but it is for a male .


So, when you're going to send me a flirt in pm?

Such an area does not exist.

I'm a 38 year old male virgin and even I get "offers" now and then. (The most recent one was a cute 20 year old that looked great in her bikini...but I digress...) The problem lies with finding someone looking for more than just a one night stand. That is something I can't seem to find as all I get are offers from girls who just want to experience someone who has never been with anyone before. As a Christian, I don't want to lose it without it meaning something, preferably on my wedding night, so the offers of sex with no strings attached are not helpful to my predicament.

So yes, I feel your pain if you are looking for something far more substantial. It is fairly hard to find in this world. Don't give up though. Learn to be more open to others and I think you will find someone. After all, you are still young and there are plenty of single guys in your age range, some of whom will be able to put up with your quirks in order to be with the wonderful person you surely are.

I must admit I'm a bit tired of this argument which I read in many different forums, not just here. I'm still sexually unexperienced at the age of almost 40, and I really don't know how to change that. I don't have any friends, and I don't like going to places on my own. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and I'm sure people would notice and nobody would approach me. No man ever approached me, even when I was younger and used to go out sometimes.
I tried online dating, but after a while the men stopped answering my mails. I had one single date with a self-diagnosed aspie, and we both knew at first sight that it would't work out.
I think for me that's the trouble- how do you show someone you are receptive? I'm obviously not able to. Besides, for me -I don't know about the OP- it's not just about "wanting to be laid". Of course I'd like to gain experience, but with someone who cares for me and for whom I care. I really can't imagine having sex with a random stranger, I can hardly talk to strangers, so I don't see how this should work.
By now, another problem is that my life has been very different from lifes of other peole at my age. If I met a man who asked me about my former relationships, what should I tell him? I guess almost everybody thinks that a middle aged person who has never had a partner is something really weird, and there has to be something wrong with them.

@Joe90: I understand your worries, and I hope you'll find a partner. I know several women who had their first sexual experience in their twenties. But even if you'll never go to bed with a man, you should remember, although it's hard sometimes, that there's more to life than relationships and sex. Try to find things you enjoy and that make you happy.

If you are female, go to a place where the alcohol is flowing, find some guy who is alone, and mention being horny. It make take a few tries, but you can usually get laid by the end of the night. And then the whole virginity problem is solved once and for all.


That is a different problem than the one stated and is much harder to solve. Men who visit prostitutes solve the virginity problem, but not the 2nd problem.
If you are socially paralyzed talking to strangers, perhaps as a friend or family member to help you hook up through one of their social circle. Remember, you aren't looking for relationship material, just sex. The bar is much lower.

That is a real and separate problem. It exists for both sexes too. There isn't really a solution besides getting lucky and finding someone who doesn't care or be content with staying alone.

If by get herself out there you mean be pretty, thin, white and cisgendered then yes all she has to do is get out and some man will be available, there's no assurance of quality though.
I've seen men here say that they wouldn't want to lose it with someone they aren't attracted too (even if they want sex really bad) and I think that's sound. Standards shouldn't evaporate just because someone is a virgin.

If you're a women and your appearance doesn't inspire men to proposition you. You're kind of at a dead end. There is negative reinforcement for being an aggressor (people here can say how mush they'd like a girl to hit on them all they want, this is still true).
A woman doesn't get a chance to mount a charm offensive or captivate with her personality until she has already been deemed f**kable by the random guy approaching her.

While it may be true that you can get a higher quantity of opportunity as a certain kind of woman. You also have many fewer tools to create those opportunities yourself on your own terms.

Can we talk about op's specific issues without jumping to point out how easy it should be because she's a woman. How would you feel if you were struggling with something and instead of being helpful people just told you how easy it should be. It's dismissive.

Dogs....why does she have to be all those things to get herself out there?

Pretty big generalization to make if you ask me.