Kinme wrote:
This is exactly what I put up with for almost three years with my ex. He was verbally abusive quite often; he never respected my opinions and questioned everything I did. He questioned things that I was positive about. My theory is that he had been jealous of my intelligence (he gave me plenty of reasons to believe this), so he would knock me down in areas where I was weaker than him, financially, especially. He never physically tried to hurt me or anything, but he had the potential to get worse. Selfish and disrespectful are an awful combination. Anyway, don't stay with someone who treats you like this. If you tell him you don't like it, chances are he will say something else offensive to you and insult you. < Personal experience. He never apologized, either. He didn't feel the need to. I don't think it's worth sacrificing your love and self for someone that isn't going to treat you well. Love you and move on.
This, and the OP's experience, are a decent part of the reason that I'm generally more attracted to complementary--rather than similar--people. When you have two (or more) people whose egos are both centered around their intelligence, and similar types of intelligence (i.e. both science, both computers, both verbal, etc.),
it's too easy to get into a pattern of arguing because both people need to feel, and are used to feeling, right. Just listen to the dialogue on The Big Bang Theory.
I certainly can't and won't make a blanket statement that no brilliant person can have a non-hostile romantic relationship with an intellectual equal, but it takes a certain degree of self-assuredness and maturity that is difficult for many nerds (including myself) to develop. When we grow up being smarter than everyone around us, and often "too smart for our own good" because it covers up deep deficits in other areas, then this can present a problem dealing with others with the same traits (and faults).
Even those geniuses who have no reservations about dating others with the same type of brain are not necessarily immune to these sorts of problems in other contexts. I had a roommate who always dated others in his field, yet his relationships were still rocky (believe me, I heard about it, and saw his moods when things blew up), and he also made totally unnecessary, insulting comments about strangers, judging them as being stupid for petty things they did like skipping along the sidewalk. Nearly every time I mentioned his name when talking with someone in his field at that university, I got groans.
So for the OP, I'd say that these people are mismatched at the core, and that they're both probably better off with someone who provides more balance in their lives.
06 Jul 2012, 8:57 am
