Women, what do you think of men who are quiet and shy?

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I a very shy guy although I have made significant progress in recent years. While I have never had a relationship I did come close once. She was even more shy than me and I never knew what she was thinking because of my oblivious nature. Therefore, nothing ever happened because she never made any attempt to tell me the feelings were mutual. Male or female I'm sure the problems are the same so we ALL need to make an effort to be more outgoing.

It has been my observation that while being shy and quiet could be a positive attribute for young teenaged boys, it generally becomes a negative attribute as one ages. The reason for this is, women might feel that they have great difficulty discerning the intentions of a shy and quite man, and evolution has decided that it is better for them to assume more negative than positive intentions. Additionally, at a subconscious level a woman may fear that a man who cannot be assertive is less likely to protect her/the family, whether that be physically, morally, or otherwise. In other words, she might fear that he is too timid to act in the her best interest or the best interest of the family.

It's my experience that most shy people usually aren't very happy with the fact that they are shy because they do feel it puts them in a compromised position in life, and they wish to be extroverted but usually harbor some type of social anxiety. I recommend counseling to overcome this and learn how to be more a little more outgoing.

I've thought about counseling but have decided against that.

I do have social anxiety which prevents me from dating so I'm thinking of getting medication for that.

And I am happy with my life, this doesn't depress me at all nor do I think about it that much.

That's a good point, a very good point that leads me to my point which is directed at the thread creator. I was the type of guy in school who blushed when a girl asked him out or just got really shy, I was a socially concious and a shy boy in my earlier years but over time, I have learned to break out of that shell.
Now don't get me wrong, I still prefer hitting the gym alone or having the odd time to myself but you can make changes. It is about getting out there and facing your anxieties so you know that you can deal with them and using coping techniques to stay assertive and aware in the situation.

Sometimes you have to say screw it, be positive in your approach, tell yourself that it is going to be a positive approach. If she has already made eye contact, it means she likes you, she wants you to approach her and if you do mess it up, it's not the end of the world, you can learn from it and it took more courage to try and made you look more brave than just standing in a corner somewhere staring at her.

A couple of sayings that I use.
"Roll the dice and never look back, never think twice"

This is the same as saying decide, act and commit, if there is a negative outcome, just try to view it as a funny approach. Maybe she blushed, maybe she felt too awkward, just see it as something funny. If she isn't interested, move on, there's millions of women out there.

"Nothing to lose, something to gain"

Well you've got nothing to lose and you have something to gain because let's face it, if you do get something out of it, maybe a date, maybe a bit of action or a full blown relationship, you have achieved something whereas even if you do get rejected, you have got learning experience towards socializing and you will be seen as more confident for approaching an attractive women. I was with a few friends at a bus stop once when I approached a very attractive girl and got her number, after that several people at college saw me as a confident guy and all I did was make conversation and get a mobile number. That's all it is, being friendly and pushing yourself out there to adapt, you need to start realizing that.

Tbh, having the balls to do it is the easy part. Finding a girl worth approaching? Now THAT'S the real trick.

I have a question: is it possible to be shy yet not passive?

I ask because I have very little experience. I'm shy and passive and I don't know if a relationship would work if both people were passive... would it? Do the two correlate?

I like shy guys though, but as I have never been with one before I wouldn't truly know what it's like.

Sorry if I just made no sense.

creepy

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Keep in mind OP that this is an autism forum so a lot of the replies you are getting are from people who are on the spectrum or have some similar issues. I think women on the spectrum would have a much more favorable opinion of shy quiet guys than NT women would sense shy & quiet would be more relatable to a woman on the spectrum than they would to a typical NT

that may be true, it's really all speculation for most of us here

I totally agree with this. Particularly the part that women are seeking a man who will protect her and the family. If a man doesn't exhibit any traits that he will protect her (and it doesn't have to be full mucho man with bulging muscles, extroverted or powerful/rich, even just the fact that he is on her side and defends her against the World in SOME WAY if she is being threatened) then she might not be able to believe that he truly does love her and would make for a good long term mate.
It could be like me asking "What do men think of fat and ugly women?". Well, just look at some of the ads on this page (1 tip of a flat belly) and you will get your answer Men hope (in fact, even the OP himself who stated how disappointed he was at missing at on the girls in high school because they were "beautiful", hence insinuating that beautiful is best for a partner) that whoever they are with is beautiful. One explanation of this can be that a beautiful woman signifies greater fertility, if you take the evolution perspective, and on that note, a man should be equipped to protect his family.

This is all very generally speaking though. I am sure there would be a female out there who likes it, regardless I prefer introverts to extroverts, personally, as they are generally more on my wavelength and have more similar interests. An introverted guy can still possess the aura of protection though, and be confident when he needs to be.

That doesn't apply to me (I'm female). My only issue with shy men is being shy myself, I can't tell if they might be interested. "Weak" doesn't enter into my consideration.

I would say that even NT woman can accept shy guys too.

Despite everything, the girls at my school (shy, rebellious etc), had some form of respect for me, and I did for most of them.

That could be to do with their own problems (none of them have AS), but they tend to accept quiet and brash people alike.

Also, at one point in my life I was more open with people as I came to trust them.

You're lying- there are no exceptions to bitter dogmas!

But people use "shy" to describe anyone who isn't highly talkative. Being on the quiet side is not always a sign of timidness or fear. There are also naturally loquacious people who are entertaining but not particularly open about themselves.

It's impossible to generalize and suggest that all women will like shy guys.As others in the thread have mentioned, women who are shy themselves will likely be more receptive to shy ,quiet guys.I am not a believer in the ''opposites attract '' idea.I strongly believe men with AS who are quiet and shy have a much better chance of getting into and maintaining a relationship if they focus on shy,quiet girls.Outgoing girls are not going to be as receptive to awkward advances from shy guys and will likely move on quickly.