Wolfheart wrote:
1000Knives wrote:
I used to not think I was, but I probably am. I think I spent my life at many times perpetually lonely, but knowing no better, but then once I was given tastes of the other side, yeah...
I don't know. I got no clue, I think I was given my chance with "the one" and in my cowardice I squandered it, and I feel the entire course of my life has been altered by what I did and did not do.
There is no such thing as the one, there are situations that you can create through your behaviour, actions or belief and those situations can lead to opportunities which can open doorways to better things.
If you had turned a different corner, you might not even know this girl called the one.
There are some situations in life where you put yourself on a different course with an action, and in this case, the course was for the worst. For example, if I wrote a letter to the tech school I applied to in middle school, there's a much higher chance I'd have gotten in. If I had gotten in, I wouldn't have been in my terrible high school, and been stuck in Special Ed class against my will, amongst other things that ruined my life. I mean, I've I guess mostly recovered from that, but I still think my life would have been much better had the bad things not occurred.
I guess it goes along with the Bible verse, "God makes all things work for good for those who love him." Even if that's so, there's actions that are beneficial to us, and ones that are negative. Even if it'll "all work out in the end" there's still that factor. And many times things don't work out well in the end, ask any lifer in jail, certainly prison isn't for the better for them.
And while comparing "love" with life in prison is a bit extreme, my point still remains that I squandered in my eyes, the opportunity of a lifetime. And I can only go worse compared to that opportunity. Can I be happy again regarding relationships? Uhm, probably, people are adaptable. But, in my case it was like...turning down a job at Google, and then instead you're gonna work as a janitor for the rest of your life. Can I be happy as a janitor, well, probably, but likely I'd be way happier working for Google. And this is what I mean by once in a lifetime, and "the one." We're all offered opportunities in our life that we do not take advantage of, it's taking advantage of such opportunities that separates the winners and losers of life.
So I hope for a second chance, but thus far none has really come, nobody's really come all too close to making me feel the same. Sure, there's lots of girls that are hot and I can bone, that's not an issue, but the... emotional connection or whatever, is my problem. If I wanted to, I could probably be quite proficient at "hooking up" with girls. Just not care at all, pretend to be confident and BS a bit, and you can get yourself in a girl's pants in no time. It seems that's all there is to it, as long as you're reasonably good looking. Much of what prevents me from doing this is my religion, but then also, I don't believe it'd be very fulfilling anyway, and not really a wise thing to do from a physical and mental health standpoint.
But, I feel in life this is my issue with all relationships, including platonic ones, I can get my foot in the door, and people many times initially think I'm "cool" even, but as people get to know me more, they say I'm weird and don't want to be around me as much. It's a cycle that prevents me from making new friends, as that process happens for seemingly 90+% of them.
08 Aug 2012, 5:26 pm
