Aspergers & Love

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Anyways.

Some progress!

I asked her if I could hold her hand at work, but when no one is watching. This is what she said:

"I just don't want people talking about it at work. that will be ok about that."

Sounds like you have figured it out. Soubds like she is definitely interested. And people at work really have no business knowing about private relationships anyway. Is there time to leave for lunch? Those would be good practice dates. In all honesty if every relationship were as blunt and honest and moved more slowly there would be more successfull ones. Just enjoy all if the steps

LoriB & Everyone ... you have been a great help with this. I really appreciate all your feedback.

I just want my Aspie to be happy and comfortable. Since I'm an NT, I struggle to understand the world of Asperger's, but I'm willing to learn.

If you can give me more advice, it would greatly help.

would rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

She'll get these delivered to her today ...

CLICK TO VIEW

Attached note says: You are very special to me. Happy Halloween!

Hope she'll like them.

YAY! I got to hold her hand this morning!! ! BREAKTHROUGH! At one point I needed to let go and she grabbed it back.

She hasn't even gotten the flowers yet! WHAT A GREAT DAY SO FAR!

She wrote this to me last night: "I enjoy spending time with you alot"

I am so excited for you!! You are very fortunate to go into this knowing about the AS. It makes things so much easier as you don't have to try to "read" things like we NT's typically do. I don't know how much reading you have done outside of WP.. My difficulty with much of what I had read seemed to be from frustrated NT's talking about how difficult it is. It always seemed to be stated in a negative light and that bothered me. I know I have mentioned this on other posts so I am not sure if I mentioned it on yours. We have been together for 3 years but I only realized the AS about a month ago and have only been on WP since the 17th and have learned so much more clearly how to work through things in a way more appropriate for my boyfriend (and my son but that is slightly different). I have learned a lot about myself in the process. Although this is positive I wanted to share that at times things can get frustrating. Quite honestly any relationship can get frustrating at times but it is easier in our case to blame it on the processing differences. You and I are very close in age. In our 40 plus years we have learned a way of processing and communicating and now, in a short period of time we have to completely change that. This is not a bad thing and there are many positives. I mention it because I have felt very badly the last couple of days because I have felt a bit overwhelmed. To say this is hard/difficult/tough... or to feel that way is not negative toward the people we love. We are making changes too and I just wanted to make you aware that being frustrated or thinking "this is tough" is not a negative feeling toward her. I have to say I have felt very guilty the past couple of days over my own weakness. I know these things are not his fault or being done on purpose. And to be honest I don't mind being the one to change and I see so many great changes in our relationship due to it. After 42 years it is difficult to completely change my processing in just a couple of weeks. To be "on" all the time. My guilt is because I felt I had to. He can't do it so it is on me. I hope I am coming across the way I intend. It took me a couple of days to realize it is ok for me to be frustrated. It is not anger at him. It is not a lack of willingness to make these efforts. I am just human and I can't change everything overnight and that is acceptable. I don't know if you will do this or not. But I have put a lot of pressure on myself to get it all right because I love him with all I have and he deserves this. It is just important to remember that your feelings are valid and getting frustrated is not negative or at least it doesn't have to be. It is not putting blame it is just relearning. I think we want to undo the awful things others have done to them. It is important to me that he does not feel my frustrations are AT him. I have explained my being a bit snappy (not at everything just a couple of times) as just being over tired (though I didn't mention that it was mental not physical) and under some stress (I didn't mention that it was at trying to learn a whole new system for us) and that I love him very much and we are fine and I am not angry at him for anything (100% true) I don't suggest lieing but I feel what I have said to him is true. I hope at some point you find this helpful.

Thanks for the reply, Lori. I'm a very patient person, so I think I can cope with the changes. I'm very laid-back too and don't really socialize or hang-out with a lot of friends ... I like my comfort zones (watch TV, play games, go for walks, etc). I hope to keep learning new ways to communicate with my Aspie to keep her stress-free as much as possible.

Update ...

We held hands (under the table - away from prying eyes) again during lunch and I stroked and rubbed her fingers. I think she was getting excited since our hands were resting on her leg and her leg was shaking and she would squeeze my hand harder. It was so intimate and sweet.

Good job they aren't orange lilies - they denote disliking someone.

That is awesome!! It must be both wonderful and a little scarry for her to have someone like you. A person can't help but feel a little nervous of the unknown. I will tell you my very favorite part of being in love with an Aspie.. the love is the most pure and genuine you will ever experience. Also, the safer they feel the less noticeable the small differences become and before you know it you will just be in a relationship and not an NT/AS relationship. There will always be little things... but as I am sure you are aware even in NT/NT there are always little things and far more often big things. Enjoy every step of your journey and keep posting updates

She's getting used to reaching for my hand now. That makes me feel good. She didn't even want to let go after our break was over.

Any hope for a date outside of work in the near future?

It would have to be a secret date since she doesn't want her parents to know.