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DerStadtschutz
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29 Oct 2012, 6:00 pm

wtfid2, what we're trying to tell you is that looks really don't matter all that much. Remember me telling you that before? There's a reason I told you that...

You might think you're good looking, and I can't say I'd call you ugly, but that's not all anyone cares about. It might be social awkwardness, or it might be the fact that you lie. You just admitted that if you lost your virginity you wouldn't have to lie about it anymore... Well, maybe that's the problem. Maybe they can just tell by the way you act around them. If you're nervous around girls, they can probably pick up on that. The problem with you most likely has nothing to do with your appearance but rather the way in which you present yourself, which then suggests to them that you're a virgin, so they ask... And when they ask, you lie. They most likely KNOW it's a lie, and they figure that if you can't be honest to them about that, then god only knows what else you might be hiding, so they decide that you can't be trusted, and they move on.

I think in all honesty, the issue isn't with being a virgin either. Women don't like when you lie to them. That's one problem that you absolutely CAN fix. When you lie about being a virgin, is it in your profile that you're some kind of player, do you brag about how many women you've supposedly had sex with, or do they come and ask you, and then you lie? I'm just curious, but either way, they hate being lied to. But if you brag and everything, they expect this certain type of guy, and when they meet you, they see right thru your BS because of your body language, nervousness/shyness, etc. You need to stop lying about it. That's step 1. As for step 2, you seriously might as well just find a hooker or something because it sounds to me like you just want to get laid at this point and don't really care for a relationship. And you shouldn't be pretending you want a relationship to get into a girl's pants. That's what makes them hate men and become bitter b*****s, and for a good reason.



WantToHaveALife
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29 Oct 2012, 6:50 pm

DerStadtschutz wrote:
wtfid2, what we're trying to tell you is that looks really don't matter all that much. Remember me telling you that before? There's a reason I told you that...

You might think you're good looking, and I can't say I'd call you ugly, but that's not all anyone cares about. It might be social awkwardness, or it might be the fact that you lie. You just admitted that if you lost your virginity you wouldn't have to lie about it anymore... Well, maybe that's the problem. Maybe they can just tell by the way you act around them. If you're nervous around girls, they can probably pick up on that. The problem with you most likely has nothing to do with your appearance but rather the way in which you present yourself, which then suggests to them that you're a virgin, so they ask... And when they ask, you lie. They most likely KNOW it's a lie, and they figure that if you can't be honest to them about that, then god only knows what else you might be hiding, so they decide that you can't be trusted, and they move on.

I think in all honesty, the issue isn't with being a virgin either. Women don't like when you lie to them. That's one problem that you absolutely CAN fix. When you lie about being a virgin, is it in your profile that you're some kind of player, do you brag about how many women you've supposedly had sex with, or do they come and ask you, and then you lie? I'm just curious, but either way, they hate being lied to. But if you brag and everything, they expect this certain type of guy, and when they meet you, they see right thru your BS because of your body language, nervousness/shyness, etc. You need to stop lying about it. That's step 1. As for step 2, you seriously might as well just find a hooker or something because it sounds to me like you just want to get laid at this point and don't really care for a relationship. And you shouldn't be pretending you want a relationship to get into a girl's pants. That's what makes them hate men and become bitter b*****s, and for a good reason.


yeah well too many women are reluctant to sleep with a virgin guy



DerStadtschutz
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29 Oct 2012, 6:56 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
DerStadtschutz wrote:
wtfid2, what we're trying to tell you is that looks really don't matter all that much. Remember me telling you that before? There's a reason I told you that...

You might think you're good looking, and I can't say I'd call you ugly, but that's not all anyone cares about. It might be social awkwardness, or it might be the fact that you lie. You just admitted that if you lost your virginity you wouldn't have to lie about it anymore... Well, maybe that's the problem. Maybe they can just tell by the way you act around them. If you're nervous around girls, they can probably pick up on that. The problem with you most likely has nothing to do with your appearance but rather the way in which you present yourself, which then suggests to them that you're a virgin, so they ask... And when they ask, you lie. They most likely KNOW it's a lie, and they figure that if you can't be honest to them about that, then god only knows what else you might be hiding, so they decide that you can't be trusted, and they move on.

I think in all honesty, the issue isn't with being a virgin either. Women don't like when you lie to them. That's one problem that you absolutely CAN fix. When you lie about being a virgin, is it in your profile that you're some kind of player, do you brag about how many women you've supposedly had sex with, or do they come and ask you, and then you lie? I'm just curious, but either way, they hate being lied to. But if you brag and everything, they expect this certain type of guy, and when they meet you, they see right thru your BS because of your body language, nervousness/shyness, etc. You need to stop lying about it. That's step 1. As for step 2, you seriously might as well just find a hooker or something because it sounds to me like you just want to get laid at this point and don't really care for a relationship. And you shouldn't be pretending you want a relationship to get into a girl's pants. That's what makes them hate men and become bitter b*****s, and for a good reason.


yeah well too many women are reluctant to sleep with a virgin guy


yeah well, I think they're even more reluctant to do so with a liar.



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29 Oct 2012, 7:13 pm

I lost it when I was around 12 with my right hand. :jester:

Oh, women?

Plenty Of Fish. Met a girl. Liked her. A lot. Decided to "give" myself to her. Sometimes I regret it, but I quickly realise that I'm happy it was her. :sunny:


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29 Oct 2012, 7:46 pm

DerStadtschutz wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
DerStadtschutz wrote:

yeah well too many women are reluctant to sleep with a virgin guy


yeah well, I think they're even more reluctant to do so with a liar.


The funny thing is that I hate liars myself and don't likely forgive someone for lying to me or won't trust them anymore. Even worse is the fact that apparently "Aspies have a hard time forgiving liars". I lied to some friends about my sex life. I initially lied to the girl I am currently seeing about my sex life, albeit it was a white lie (had sex enough times to count on one hand was true, but lead her to believe I had been with more women than I had been with). However, I took a while to take her to bed. She was drunk on her birthday when I came out with her. I decided that I did not want to sleep with her when she invited me up to her apartment afterwards. She had never been rejected before and was more than happy to have someone like me around. I can tell you that she is not turned off by a lack of experience, but more by dishonesty. Derstadtschutz makes a good point. And yes, I did come clean to her and she let it go when I stated the reason why: I did not want to admit to her that I lost my virginity in a drunken one night stand.



DerStadtschutz
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29 Oct 2012, 8:48 pm

aspiemike wrote:
DerStadtschutz wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
DerStadtschutz wrote:

yeah well too many women are reluctant to sleep with a virgin guy


yeah well, I think they're even more reluctant to do so with a liar.


The funny thing is that I hate liars myself and don't likely forgive someone for lying to me or won't trust them anymore. Even worse is the fact that apparently "Aspies have a hard time forgiving liars". I lied to some friends about my sex life. I initially lied to the girl I am currently seeing about my sex life, albeit it was a white lie (had sex enough times to count on one hand was true, but lead her to believe I had been with more women than I had been with). However, I took a while to take her to bed. She was drunk on her birthday when I came out with her. I decided that I did not want to sleep with her when she invited me up to her apartment afterwards. She had never been rejected before and was more than happy to have someone like me around. I can tell you that she is not turned off by a lack of experience, but more by dishonesty. Derstadtschutz makes a good point. And yes, I did come clean to her and she let it go when I stated the reason why: I did not want to admit to her that I lost my virginity in a drunken one night stand.


Exactly... The dishonesty is the bigger factor, but even more importantly, there's quite possibly something else about the virgins complaining about being virgins that is unattractive to any potential mate. I don't know what it might be, but I doubt it's simply the fact that they're virgins. Maybe being a virgin is just the icing on the cake... Like, maybe whatever else is disliked about them, when the person finds out the virgin is a virgin, their thoughts go something like "s**t, I was hoping he'd at least be good in bed, but he's a virgin too!?!? To hell with this..."

The girl I lost my virginity to never asked, and i never told her until after I'd already had sex with her, at which point, she said she was surprised to learn that I'd never done it before.



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29 Oct 2012, 8:53 pm

I guess I'm lucky because I must be flaming hot, because I talked to no girls for most of High School and got 8 offers for sex. However, I wanted to make friends with girls before having sex with them, and none of these girls were interested in doing that, so I got depressed and figured I may as well just take what I could get, and I accepted the 7th offer. I kept losing the erection and ejaculated while flaccid without orgasm, so that wasn't that good (she was a pretty girl, but I just didn't like her). After that I started trying to learn how to improve my social skills by talking to people, and that is when I quit getting offers for sex. I guess I was the tall dark handsome type before, but now I'm just weird. I did have a brief and stressful relationship with a girl in my freshman year at college, and another relationship that was much healthier a year after that (which is about a year ago now) while I was in Germany with a girl who might be even less socially gifted than myself. We are no longer together because I had to go back to the United States after my exchange. I thought we would still be friends after that and chat via email, but she has not done that. I'm kind of sad about that : ( I guess she doesn't want to be attached to someone who isn't there.



Withdrawal
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30 Oct 2012, 5:23 am

wtfid2 wrote:
Withdrawal wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
Withdrawal wrote:
Radiofixr wrote:
It feels good for a reason and autistic as well as NT people like to feel good-and it is a totally natural thing to do that feels good and people that have had sex it still felt good and those that havent want to feel that way too and it seems that those that have had sex tell those that havent that its no big deal but lots of people still do it and think about doing it when they arent doing it and trying to make those of us who for one reason or another-(socialization,looks,etc etc) arent having sex but want to because it is a totally natural want,drive,desire to do it.


Sex is more of a big deal to some people than it is to others, so just because someone says it's not made that much of a difference to them doesn't mean they're not being truthful.

Even if sex is very important to you it's still the case that losing your virginity is not going to solve your problems. If sex is something you prioritise that highly then doing it once isn't going to be enough. So I'd still say focusing on being a virgin or not is not the issue. Virginity is more likely to matter if your concern is with making sure you stay a virgin. If your religion or culture means it is important for you not to have sex (or not to have sex outside marriage), then once makes a difference. If you have a high desire for sex and are upset that you're unable to get it, then that's not likely to change even if you manage to have sex once - it's not going to change you so radically that you're able to get as many sex partners as you wish afterwards if you were not able to before.
i always hate how other people tell others whether or not something else will solve their problems or not. Unless you are that person you have no idea if it will. For me, the fact that i am 23 and kissless has sapped any confidence i had. It makes me ask myself what point is there to ask a girl out since none like me. At 23 and not having a girl ever make out with me, it makes me wonder f i a disgusting deformed creature. having a girl make out with me would show me im capable of getting physical intimacy. having a girl have sex with me would further confirm this. dnnt reply with some sh** like ''love yourself or noone else will' when look in the mirror i see a good looking guy but you have to wonder if you're a deformed freak when you have not had a gf and were called ugly throughout school

i also am not looking to get many sex problems..i just want to lose my virginity before im 25 si can go on wit my life an start looking for agf. experience is vital in getting a girlfriend. Also if i can conquer something like sex and not be oo shy/awkward to do it. i can better handle first dates. I dont even think like sex that much which will better equip me mentally to focus on meeting a girl with a good personality(who is also attractive). This is because i wont care so much about getting them into be and more about getting to know them.


I'm sorry if it sounded like I'm telling you what's important to you. I did try to say that I understand sex is important to you even though it isn't important to me. But I don't see how the boost to your confidence you would experience if one girl agreed to have sex with you would be anything but temporary. It simply isn't going to guarantee you more sex in the future, and certainly not ensure you have happy relationships from then on. If you have the doubts about yourself that you express here, one girl making out with you is very unlikely to change that. You'll start to wonder if she only made out with you because you were drunk, or because she took pity on you, or because she was desperate, or whatever. It may only be your low self esteem talking, but that's precisely the problem - low self esteem and/or deep problems with socialising/dating are not cured by one physical act.

You said you just want to lose your virginity by the time your 25. The funny thing about age is that are milestones change as we get older. If you lose your virginity before 25, wouldn't you still set a new goal, say having a relationship by 30, or having sex again by 30, or whatever? Also you don't feel experienced sexually after one time. The first time is going to be awkward most likely, and you'll still feel categorised as being behind your peers. It doesn't give you knowledge or skills in any other area of relating to people. That's what I mean when I say sex isn't that big a deal. I get that's it's very important to a lot of people for a lot of different reasons. But it doesn't change who you are or your abilities to relate to people. Especially not just one time.

Quote:
women can easily get sex and yet they still think life is harder for them


That's a ridiculous statement in so many ways. Which women say life is harder for them and what has sex got to do with having an easy life?
want to have a life said women have an easier life not me. Quotes keep getting messed up.

anyway you are not getting it and suck at explaining things, but i wil try. y low self esteem is caused by external factors and logical reasoning,not by internalized self loathing or detest for myself. I personally think i look good, but logic tells me that i don;t because I a a 6 foot 2 white college educated funny guy who hasnt had a girl even stick her tongue in my mouth. women view me as if i were rancid maneuer.

getting a girl to kiss me or have sex with me would increase my confidence and it would show me that yes i can be desirable and if i can get one girl to have sex with me m not a freak of nature(even if i am too shy still to get others). it would make m feel like a stud and a ladies man even though ill never be that. It would hep me enter into any future relationships without the baggage that beign a virgin will bring.I wont have to lie to girls anymore. it would give me that extra push i need to as girls ut who i otherwise wouldnt because of my thoughts of her thinking im repulsive(since that's all ive been shown from girls) or that im a creep.

it would help. It also would be a great social feat to accomplish. being naked with a girl and not having a panic attack lol


Sorry for being confusing with the quotes - I get that that statement didn't come from you, sorry if my post made it look otherwise.

I think you are explaining yourself ok, I understand what you're saying, I just don't agree. Why are you lieing to girls as it is? You lie about being a virgin? If you'd only had sex once, and a girl asked you about your sexual history, would once be enough to stop you wanting to lie? I don't think going into a relationship as a virgin is "baggage". If someone wants to be in a relationship with you, they're not going to care. Anyone who cares isn't going to want to be with you anyway. Do you think that lieing to girls may be one thing you're doing wrong? It doesn't seem the right way to begin a relationship and doesn't say much for your respect for the girls you're trying to win over! And surely girls will pick up on it sooner or later.

I get that low self esteem is a result of your experiences and not just distorted perception. And I do think it's possible that a girl taking interest in you would boost your confidence. I just think you're overestimating the effect it will have on you and your future relationships.



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30 Oct 2012, 2:57 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
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I lost my virginity to an escort, when I was 22. (She was 27.) I scheduled a meeting with her though an agency two days in advance, then spoke to the agent on the day of, to get directions to her hotel. Then went to her room, and did the deed. Afterwards, I felt really giddy and lightheaded, and had to rest for nearly 20 minutes after before I calmed down enough to drive. I called my friend, and we met in a dive bar nearby, to celebrate my loss of the V-card.

It didn't that a much of difference on me, but it demystified sex by a vast margin. Instead of being a forbidden fruit that might be never allowed to have, it became just two (or more :D) naked bodied getting hot and sweaty on a bed.


interesting to know


I took the same route.

The feeling after your first escort. Hoo-boy! That's a great feeling!



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30 Oct 2012, 3:21 pm

i guess it was luck in a way, but more me being lucky in getting the girl I did it with. We met at a club and I got off with her best friend, then a few months later I was at a party and she was there and we got talking and shared numbers. She was a little naive back when we first started going out (she was 17 and I was 19) and I was painfully shy, but she stayed with me and I loosened up eventually. Relationship lasted 8 years (including a couple of years at the end in which we were just FWB rather than an actual couple but we still acted exactly like we were). She eventually grew out of me and started to realise how awkward I was rather than just "quirky" as she described me in the beginning. I think by the end she kind of resented wasting half her teens and twenties on me.

Id never be able to get with a girl like her now, (not one my own age anyway). I wish I could go back to being a teenager, it was much easier for me to get women back then. Women my age are too worldly wise and can tell Im different just by looking at me it seems. Damn you womens intuition!


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WantToHaveALife
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30 Oct 2012, 4:17 pm

men have to work on themselves way more than women do in order to make themselves dating/relationship material



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30 Oct 2012, 4:23 pm

She knew I was horny, and she verbally told me what I can do :D



WantToHaveALife
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30 Oct 2012, 4:35 pm

Stalk wrote:
She knew I was horny, and she verbally told me what I can do :D


movies such as "The 40-year old Virgin" really piss me off



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30 Oct 2012, 5:49 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
Stalk wrote:
She knew I was horny, and she verbally told me what I can do :D


movies such as "The 40-year old Virgin" really piss me off


Yeah, especially so, as I'll be one in ten years. 3/4 of the way there.



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30 Oct 2012, 7:18 pm

Adam82 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Stalk wrote:
She knew I was horny, and she verbally told me what I can do :D


movies such as "The 40-year old Virgin" really piss me off


Yeah, especially so, as I'll be one in ten years. 3/4 of the way there.


Apart from griping about your situation, what do you plan to do about it?

You have a stable job and access to resources. Exploit it!



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30 Oct 2012, 7:38 pm

RICKY5 wrote:
Adam82 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Stalk wrote:
She knew I was horny, and she verbally told me what I can do :D


movies such as "The 40-year old Virgin" really piss me off


Yeah, especially so, as I'll be one in ten years. 3/4 of the way there.


Apart from griping about your situation, what do you plan to do about it?

You have a stable job and access to resources. Exploit it!


Lets be honest, its what most of the people in that situation come here to. Then theres the ones who you give advice to and act like dicks. And the ones who refuse advice because theyre perfect and its the women that need to change