Aspie men and the "L" word?

Post Reply New Topic

Yes, I think love *is* abstract. If someone could list what love is and if all the qualities that were listed, were felt by me, then I could say I can love (aside from my pets whom I have loved along the years). I can't say I love someone though. I can have moments of pure ecstasy with someone, where it's like the sun warming me up on a cold day, or where I dream of nothing but peace and quiet and wonderful shapes and colours like I did when I was a kid with my kaleidoscope. But to think that anyone could provide that feeling or sensation in me, all the time, is just not possible. So, for me, I can possibly love someone, at a given moment in time, but never always and forever. This is perhaps why, for me, I cannot have a full one relationship where I am with someone else every single day. Not even my family.

An occasional root every now and then

Last edited by Surfman on 15 Nov 2012, 12:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

FMX, thanks for your input. I had to read it a few times too. Because I rush and my system overloads quite easily, I initially thought he had said his response had been intellectual. I withdrew, was angry, then hours later re-read it and got the point. I guess what I wanted were 4 adjectives of how he sees me. So, he could have picked something like: beautiful, kind, humorous, sexy, or ugly, futile, sensitive and inconsistent. Not that I think I am any of those. I wouldn't know because I was asking what *he* thought of me. By the fact that he said he was touched with my present, he only told me about one of my actions. But I understand. Like the previous post, I also believe he cares for me, because he brought me a little bag with cinnamon cookies all wrapped up in a pretty bow, and it wasn't even something I asked him for. He thought of it himself and gave it to me. And knowing him, that is *major*. Just like it was major for me to get him that signed t-shirt by his favourite motor racer. Yeah, I get it now.

Hartzofspace I totally get that. My ex husband once bought me flowers and I was so angry. First of all that is a dying gift. Flowers are meant to be in soil and not cut and given to people. Second, what was I meant to do with them? Bury them?

This guy now asked me for a list of all the things I like ( so he can have a factual list of things he can give me) and amongst other things, I mentioned bracelets, but was sure to emphasise that a bracelet made by him, would have much more meaning than any shop bought copy of what everyone else can have. I guess the fact that he asked me for a list means he wants to please me? It's all strange in a way. Two aspies together... interesting to say the least.

I dated a girl for around four years and even after that, I can't say if I truly loved her. Almost every time I said it, it was because I was pleased with that exact moment...i.e. happy to have someone to spend time with, excited to be going on vacation with someone, thankful to not be sleeping alone, thankful be taken care of when I was sick etc...but it never seemed to originate from a total, overarching feeling for her. I know, without a doubt, I strongly cared for her, would have taken a bullet for her in a second and was devastated when we first broke up but was that all because I genuinely loved her or because losing her would have been a catastrophic change to a way of life that I'd completely molded to? Tangent; I pretty much told exactly this to my autism spectrum assessor-lady - I hope she doesn't go home and look at her husband funny O.o

Glad you agree!


Hey, it can work! I just got married to another Aspie two months ago. I study him and he studies me and then we try to please each other. There is stormy weather, of course but it clears up when we reach a new level of understanding.

Windtreeman how funny. If she is NT she probably has a different thought process and wonder... I still think NT's will never be able to know how *we* feel and what it is like for us. The books may explain a lot, but it is a spectrum and if they aren't in it, they can't know.

What happened to that gf of yours? Are you still together or did you break up?

Hartzospace, congratulations on your marriage!

Do you live with your husband? How long did you date before you got married? That's so cool. I never talked to anyone in an aspie/aspie relationship before!

i can understand this perspective. there are moments in my past that i remember in perfect detail because they were when i was closest to being in love. almost none were with the same person and i probably wont have many of those moment replaced in the future by other people.

one of them was when i was making out with this girl, we were lying down with her on top both of us half dressed. and my cat that was only a few months old came over and started playing with her hair trying to steal it. we both go a laugh out if it and she rested her head on my chest as we watched the cat in fascination. i sure cant explain how i felt then, but i do miss it.

Manicdan, that scene you describe... is like sunshine on my belly.

I'm in lesbians with you!

Lol@ AspieOtaku

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2e-rEFRifxg[/youtube]

Yes! We bought a house together. When we want to get away from each other, we sit in our separate offices.

We dated for nearly 3 years.

There's more Aspie/Aspie relationships out there than we think! Mostly we hear about the NT/Aspie ones.

^^^ I'm a little jealous!

...okay, more than a little.

BlueMax, what are you jealous of?