The next step ... what should I do? Any real advice welcome.

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bro, you gotta ask her out. If you get nervous think about it this way, what do you have much to lose?


I mean the first time for everything is always the most nervous. For instance, my first day of day I was pretty nervous but after the first day I wasn't nervous no more.


You're always nervous the first time for everything but once you do it the 2nd or even the 3rd time, its not so bad. The same goes with talking to girls or asking girls out.

Well thats all I got.

and if that doesn't work, imagine this. Let's just say that your doctor told you that you were going to die in 1 week. Imagine that it would be your last chance you get to talk to this girl because you're gonna die tommorow.

Live like you don't have tommorow like you have no 2nd chances. If you like this girl, then tell her.

Hi MountainLaurel,
I had a great time Wednesday night. I got to meet all her friends, and we're going to my buddy's New Year's Eve party. I'm definitely still interested in her, more so than ever, and I feel like this might actually be going somewhere. The only problem is, if this is going somewhere, she's made most of the moves so far, which bothers me a little... should it?

And JHKyle... I don't think we're really anywhere near the point that we're talking about any long-term commitments, but I know for a fact that I'm f*****g terrified of rejection in general...

Thanks Growlithe... that's the philosophy I do generally try to live by... I just don't know what my sticking point is with this. You know what it's like... fighting the inherent Aspie bitch-ass conflict-avoidant nature every day... but you're right, this is probably so much simpler than I'm trying to make it. One of those things I just need to do, and I'll be so much happier once I just do it.

What do I have to lose? Well... nothing really, other than maybe a bit of pride, and that's assuming I'm not successful...

I have friends and family who accept me no matter what... even this girl I'm interested in has seen me do some pretty damn stupid s**t, even on Wednesday night, and is obviously still interested in having SOMETHING to do with me (not really sure in what capacity yet)... there really isn't any logical reason I shouldn't do this, and I like to think one of the few positives about being an Aspie is that almost everything can be reduced to logic.

I have 10 days until I see her in person again to think about this. Maybe not necessarily a good thing... I think about this stuff WAY too much, and don't act on it nearly enough...

Wonderful.


For now; water under the bridge. Going forward, it's something to work on. And that's OK; you've worked on big issues before and come out on the win side.



So how did that happen, anyhow, if not for you asking her out? Sounds to me as if you made a move right there. And from the female perspective, I'm guessing that it was a great relief for her. She was most likely waiting for just such a sign from you that you return her interest.

As for going forward, you just ask her out again and again.

Intimacy? One step at a time until the dominoes tumble. (And it's more than OK if it takes a few dates for that to happen.) Here is where your slow pace is actually a plus; built in romantic mystery for her. And believe me romantic mystery is a gift to anyone experiencing it.

She will give some little sign that she's open to touch first. She'll lean against you, or she'll rub your arm or nuzzle your face. It's OK to wait for something like that. Many women prefer to give out the 'OK' signals, it makes us feel that the guy has self control and that he will not go faster than our comfort level. (Also that he has confidence that he can read her signals and is comfortable to communicate and react in the moment.)

Also that he has confidence that he can read her signals and is comfortable to communicate and react in the moment!! !@##??? OK, that may be a weak point for you, but you already know how to start reading people and in learning to read people socially, you've already done the heavy lifting. You're just going to have to take my word for that.

Romantic touch sequence is like a duet song. Example: She leans her head on your shoulder. You put your hand in her hair. She makes a soft sound in reply. You make a quiet deep sound in reply. She sits straighter and faces you. You grin shamelessly...... Honestly, at each point, do whatever you feel the urge to do (within the limits of what is acceptable in the environmental setting; as in; are you alone or not).

Enjoy each little part.

And if she gives you some little social kiss or a peck on the cheek; it's your opportunity to give a full on kiss in return. Enjoy.

Not necessarily. Unless the two of you have schedules that can't be worked around given the geography; there's no reason you can't ask her out for a casual meeting before New Year. That's somewhat spontaneous. A chance to make a step in the; you making the moves department (and I am not necessarily speaking about physical moves here). It's the holidays, celebrate if you can. .

Ehhhh, that's probably not going to work out, I'm going to see family out in Buffalo for Christmas and she'll be in Vermont still. Also, I'll be without internet access out there and my phone is dead with the charger still in Vermont :/

But anyway, I can't thank you enough for trying to help me through this. I may not be wonderful at reading the signs, but I'm pretty they're pointing in a good direction. I have a great feeling that this is finally going to happen for me, in part because of the advice I've gotten here.