Girlfriend Ad

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The messed up part is, there are plenty of good people who should have some chance at a relationship but don't. On the flip side, there are lots of people with NOTHING to offer who are in relationships.

When you think of it that way, ShamelessGit doing this ad really isn't that bad.

Thanks to those of you who have been nice to me on this thread.

It still seems to me as though most of the people who have mean things to say about me did not actually read the ad.

I honestly don't get all the myself, Git. I read the ad as if maybe you were responding to a lady who had done a similar ad. Then again, I'm weird.

I think the crux of the issue is that you have ignored some of the most basic needs of a girl who would be looking for someone. There are entire parts of your ad that ignore completely the psychology necessary to get a relationship.

While you may have mastered the psychology and theory of social skills enough to have friends and some kind of a social life, I do not think you have managed to do the same in the area of dating and relationships. They are different things. They have different requirements.

I don't think the others were attempting to be cruel to you - I think they were attempting to point how how completely you ignored some of the most fundemantals aspects of dating and relationships, but did it in the only way that they knew how.

i like your new avi better should aim the cam higher though :p

its an ad people, if you dont like it you're not forced to go for him.

Let me summarize all the useful advice.

1. Structure: tl;dr = too damned long. Nobody is even going to read it. At least put the important info upfront, like in a newspaper.

2. Too verbose. Does this sound like the type of person a girl would want to spend an evening with? No. Try to understate the effects of your disorder, rather than magnifying them. Short, catchy, personalized sentences. (note: I'm on the spectrum, as are most people here, so I don't typically feel the need to be fake nice or use compliment sandwiches. Sorry if you're offended)

3. Too off-putting. Others have pointed this out. You accused said others of not reading the entirety of your ad. And that is exactly the point. NT's are even worse about this.

4. Not appropriate for Facebook. I don't know how they do it where you're from, but I have 400+ Facebook friends, and I've had Facebook since 2005 when it came out, and I've never seen anyone using Facebook for this or as any sort of hookup tool. OkCupid or Aspie Connections? Definitely.

Yeah if it feels natural to seek out a gf like this, but post it on a dating site and know that your chances of response are very very low. Your post sounds too verbose and demanding. I would be surprised if a girl responded positively.

What psychology have I completely ignored? I really want to be told. The people who said mean things to me just called me names or said things that appeared to be self-contradictory (like having strict requirements makes a girl act pampered--wtf?), or as if they didn't even read the ad, like saying that I didn't understand that relationships are about give and take (that was like, the central topic of the ad).

This will be the dealbreaker for probably every woman who reads the ad.




This disclaimer will not mitigate that.

Thanks. This is constructive criticism. I get it that the Ad is too long and complicated.

I will occasionally defriend numerous people on Facebook that I don't feel close to or don't think that I will ever likely speak to again. The first time I did this my facebook friends went from 138 to 36, and they have stayed between 36 and 50 ever since. I do this so that I don't have to look at a bunch of stuff that I don't even care about. But I don't ever put anything on facebook that I'm ashamed of, so I let every person see everything on my profile. Also, I don't even care if this is how facebook is normally used. I only care if you guys think the Ad would work or not. You've stated that you think it's a bad idea, so that's all I need.

I tried OkCupid once, but I got turned off because it seemed like every other profile picture was a shot of somebody's genitals, and all the stuff I saw on their profiles was gross and vain. In general dating websites don't sort people according to my needs. You could probably see from the Ad that I don't even give a damn what anybody's hobbies are, just so long as you have some and I can participate. That's why I thought maybe it would be better if I made a custom ad.

That's a thing that really frustrates me about women. I've accepted that my feelings don't mean anything since I was a child, and I have to think like this every time I interact with any person. I guess women are just so used to everybody going out of their way to accommodate them, so they never have to figure this stuff out? I really feel like I'm dealing with a child whenever I have to interact with somebody who assumes that their emotions mean something to anybody but themselves.

Here's a better way of saying what you mean:
Emotional maturity for me means that you will not make it my job to be responsible for your happiness. If you are already happy, that's great. If you aren't already happy, I will try to make you feel better, but if I fail, I'm sorry. I am not your dad. They are your emotions. I can help you, but I can't do it for you.

This is more concise and less combative. It's not perfect, but its a start.

^^^that makes sense, but in addition, emotional maturity means the first person is also willing to take responsibility for the fact that their actions and words can have consequences. people do not live in bubbles where they can say and do as they like with no effect, and to believe it is possible is actually quite immature.

Why not just say, "Girlfriend Wanted. Apply in Person"?

Or maybe, "Available & Approachable"?

Or just a simple, "Hello"?

I would make the "advertizement" less detailed for 2 reasons;
1. Too much detail, puts people off IMO. I would include just the basics of ; location, age, & of course : single. Then any potential interest the communication can be made via fb message or emails.
2. Really, information such as you have is an "advertizement" , so as facebook membership is free for peeps who know each other, then such an advert is rather against facebook rules & you're at least open to ridicule & risk possibly anyone saying they're interested could be just spam, or worse if you respond to emails or click on links sent to you from strangers.

Another point is ; Who would see it apart from friends & friends of friends/aquaintencies ? ,
Even if your privacy settings are for "everyone/public" , then why would "jane public stranger" bother to look you up just on the off-chance you're single?,

Have you tried looking on Zoosk ? , I believe its a dating app thats part of the facebook network.
Like ALL dating sites; full access is not free, but a reasonable cost allows a subscriber to have full "privaleges" , a fee of around £45 gives 3 months membership (as I remember) & you have the option of paying via paypal.