Do people lie by saying you are good looking
MXH
Veteran
Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
Does it help
Anything
not reallly, especially if it feels like its fake. makes me feel uglier
You're not ugly, though. I know one more voice isn't going to change how you feel about yourself, but just thought I'd put that out there.
not ugly is not the same as great looking.
AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 72,146
Location: Portland, Oregon
Does it help
Anything
not reallly, especially if it feels like its fake. makes me feel uglier
You're not ugly, though. I know one more voice isn't going to change how you feel about yourself, but just thought I'd put that out there.
not ugly is not the same as great looking.
Well that's more subjective. I think you're an attractive guy, but you can't expect everyone in the world to agree, whereas I think we're pretty safe in saying that you're objectively not ugly.
i was thinking to myself, "does it matter if people are lying?" but i suppose it does matter, because if certain people are telling you something, yet the results are not coming in from that, then... it's kind of unhelpful. (EVERYONE'S a winner, kids!! ! because you're ALL special!! !)
i suppose a good test would be to look at who is complimenting you and what they can gain from it. if it's mostly people who are close to you, then it might be based on internal as well as external factors - they really know you so they can't see the outside without sensing the inside. or if it is the older demographic, it shows you that you are appealing to a different/wrong age group. both of those groups will often give compliments because they care about you and want you to succeed, but they are not unbiased (i.e. some people have said, "all my parents' friends say i am attractive and don't understand why i am single").
there are also the compliments from people who are seeking to get something from you - sex, money, favours. it's not always easy to tell when that is the case. some individuals of average-to-good looks have a bit of a "halo effect" that inspires flattery and leads to a sort of narcissism. this happens a lot with celebrities or public figures, many of whom are not actually any better looking than many average people, yet they inspire crowds of people to get all weak-kneed. in a sense, some of the celebrities are also being lied to about their looks.
when someone compliments me, i try hard not to internalise it. if i did, then it would be a slippery slope where my self-esteem would depend on the compliments. i am happy that they like _X_, i thank them for the compliment, and i move on. i don't think badly of myself at all, but i am not going to sail on top of flattery either. but i much prefer to be complimented on an accomplishment or project or quality anyway.
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spongy
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,055
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave
Some are truthful others arent.
How do you know?
Making a point to change things and seeing how people react making a point to check if their statements add up.
For example:
I wear the same glasses most days. I can tell you right now which person likes other glasses more because she has pointed out so whenever this change has happened.
If she had said that whenever Im wearing my usual glasses Id just assume its a random compliment she sends when she is fishing for compliments(not unlikely considering this girl´s nature)
I have also: let my hair go out of control, let my facial hair get out of control, shaved my hair completely in the past year(I get bored of having the same thing the whole time)
Several people have pointed out whichever of this things: suited me, didnt suit me/whatever because people are prone to doing this when theres a somewhat drastic change
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