What girl would actually want me?

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1000Knives
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09 Jan 2013, 12:52 am

hale_bopp wrote:
You seem a lot better than some of the people on here and they get gfs. At least you seem sane.


You mean girls might get mad when I talk about the New World Order and government false flags and chemtrails?



MXH
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09 Jan 2013, 12:58 am

the question really isnt why would a girl date you, its why would you list out reasons one wouldnt.



MrEGuy
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09 Jan 2013, 11:33 am

To the OP:

Bluntly? Get some damned running shoes and make a religion out of fixing yourself. Losing weight turns down the volume on a lot of life's problems, especially social problems.



Minty33
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09 Jan 2013, 2:01 pm

Love yourself first of all. How can you expect someone else too if you do not?
In other words, try to work yourself to a point where you're happy with how you are (even if this is still by some standards overweight or such)

Then you'll be at the stage where I am. I have an ugly personality which is hard to love. I can take the solitude in the mean time, but I just wish I could change my internal clockwork, as this has proved to be the hardest obstacle of all. But I've come to accept it (I'm not happy with it, but what choice do I have?)

I wish you all the best :)



Zodai
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09 Jan 2013, 3:07 pm

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"

-Someone, somewhere, sometime.


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ShadowAspie
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11 Jan 2013, 2:45 pm

DialAForAwesome wrote:
25 isn't too early to be pessimistic about it. I mean, most people, male or female, would consider someone who has been single that long creepy or maladjusted. It seems the general rule is, if you found at least one person by the time you're 18, you're okay. But if not, you're a hideous freak of nature. :(


It;s ok to be single for a while, even after 18. and i agree with the suggestion of therapist made by a few others on here. I met my fiance in the waiting room at my therapy office, our eyes met and boom, u kno what lov really is. He still doesn't lik his self image, but i love him, maybe ull b lucky there to. also if any other girls r lik me, theyll lov ur chuckiness and achne. mayb ull met ur match in therapy or in a group session, u just hav got to try. good luck dude.



morslilleole
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11 Jan 2013, 4:07 pm

I read someplace that you shouldn't love someone despite their flaws, but because of their flaws. It's something that really stuck by me.

At the same time I think it is important to work on yourself in one way or another. Do things that will make you get more confidence in yourself. Loose weight, do what your special interest wants you to do ( for me it's programming, and I get better at it every day! )

But... I know how it is, I'm in the same boat as you, still looking for that girl. I might never find her, though. But I like to think that there is someone out there, even in little Norway.



Chloe33
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12 Jan 2013, 1:28 pm

aspguy wrote:
I'm 25, I'm fat, I don't have a job, I don't have a car, I live with my mother, I think about sex too much and sometimes I just randomly talk about it, I have giant fatty manboobs, I'm only 5'8", I wear glasses, I'm confusing, and I try to avoid arguments because I don't want to ruin things. I want somebody to love me for who I am now, but that's impossible. Also I have social phobia and I'm afraid what might happen


Whenever i ever i see posts like this, i always think there is a mate out there for the person who thinks the same way. (many mates)
If only people could find each other easier. In general i have noticed this on various different parts of the internet.



fluffypinkyellow
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12 Jan 2013, 11:37 pm

Let us go through this one issue at a time :D

I'm fat: Not really a huge issue, at least to me. I don't think that fat people are inherently unattractive. I've been attracted to fat people before. To a lot of people, being fat doesn't automatically make you hideous

I don't have a job: This doesn't say anything about you as a human being. Everyone is unemployed sometimes, and not having a job right now doesn't mean you'll never have one. Are you looking for one? Or are you in training? Being completely unmotivated with no passions is a problem, being temporarily unemployed isn't.

I don't have a car: Also not an issue, depending on where you live. If you live in an area where you can walk places, it's not a big deal. And not having a car right now doesn't mean you'll never have one. I have no idea why having a car is important to guys.

I live with my mother: The reasons you are living with your mother say more about you than the fact that you live with her. Are you saving up to move out? Are you at university? Living temporarily with one's parents is one thing, complete lack of motivation is another. As with the unemployment, the thing that is most important is whether this is a temporary arrangement for you, or if it's something you have no interest in changing. If it's the latter, that is a problem. If it's the former, plenty of women would give you a chance.

I think about sex too much and sometimes I just randomly talk about it: This is a problem. It's awkward when people talk about sex when it's not appropriate, and when someone does it all the time it's annoying and comes off as attention whoring. You're not doomed to talk randomly about sex all your life. You can stop it.

I have giant fatty manboobs: I'm sure you also have attractive features as well, and personally I don't really care about manboobs or fat if I like someone and enjoy their company.

I'm only 5'8": I think that's average for a man. Also from my point of view (I am 5') everyone more than three inches taller than me just looks "tall" to me. The difference between a 5'6'' man and a man over 6 feet tall doesn't occur to me, because from my point of view I just see both of them as tall. I actually tend to find shorter men more attractive, but height isn't a big deal to me.

I wear glasses: Also not a death sentence. I find glasses attractive and lots of other women also like glasses.

I'm confusing: Everyone is at some point, and as people get to know you this will hopefully improve over time.

I try to avoid arguments because I don't want to ruin things: Being nonconfrontational in and of itself isn't a bad thing. It might be better for you to reframe arguments as "discussions", so it's less combative. There are ways to have productive discourse on difficult issues without arguing.

The only thing that would be a problem is the talking about sex, and it's within your power to change that. Not having a job and living with your mother would be issues if you had no plans to ever become independent, but if this was a temporary arrangement while you were in training or study, it is not an issue. If you're actively job-hunting or flat-hunting, it's also not an issue. An unemployed 25-year-old man who lived with his mother and played video games all day would not interest me, but an unemployed 25-year-old man living with his mother while finishing a degree or looking for a job and helping around the house might.



DialAForAwesome
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13 Jan 2013, 6:56 am

Now me tell you how it works in the REAL world, at least with regards to living with his mom or not having a car.

Guys who live with their moms past a certain age all get this stigma thrown on them that they're "mama's boys" or "immature." Take me for example. I have to live with my mom right now because she literally has nowhere else to go. My dad died 2 years ago and they took every single benefit she had. I pay my part of the bills (including rent) and never mooch off her for anything. Hell, I barely even talk to her (we don't get along well) But even after explaining my situation, I'm still somebody who needs to "man up" and get out of my mom's house. Never mind the fact that both our names are on the lease, and I'm the one taking care of her. I'm still a horrid person for doing this.

Not having a car can be a big deal to most, too. It seems to set off some type of signal in people's heads that the person is bad with their money, so they don't have a car or a house or what have you. More negativity, basically. I have a car, luckily, so I'm exempt from this. But from what I've found, even the people who are worth it are really shallow and negative over this type of thing.


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WantToHaveALife
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25 Feb 2013, 6:00 pm

aspguy wrote:
I'm 25, I'm fat, I don't have a job, I don't have a car, I live with my mother, I think about sex too much and sometimes I just randomly talk about it, I have giant fatty manboobs, I'm only 5'8", I wear glasses, I'm confusing, and I try to avoid arguments because I don't want to ruin things. I want somebody to love me for who I am now, but that's impossible. Also I have social phobia and I'm afraid what might happen


i have a car, i have a job, and i still don't get girls, your not alone



Growlithe
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27 Feb 2013, 2:35 pm

No girl would want you if you act like that.

Why not take a break from girls anyways? It's not as easy as it sounds tho because most people want relationships. Why do you think people get married and stuff? But seriously take a break from girls and do something exciting with your life.


And if this dating stuff doesn't work out you can either get a mail order bride or turn gay.



Growlithe
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27 Feb 2013, 2:39 pm

1. Get a Gym Membership

2. Get your drivers license, get a job at walmart, move out of your parents house in 5 months

3. Wear shoes with 2-3 inch lifts.

4. When you're talking to someone, you shouldn't give a crap bout what people think about you

5. Get Therapy



If you do all of these 5 steps, you will be the best man of ur life.



Cafeaulait
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27 Feb 2013, 8:58 pm

To be honest, I wouldn't want you.

You probably don't take charge of your own life.



Cafeaulait
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27 Feb 2013, 9:00 pm

DialAForAwesome wrote:
25 isn't too early to be pessimistic about it. I mean, most people, male or female, would consider someone who has been single that long creepy or maladjusted. It seems the general rule is, if you found at least one person by the time you're 18, you're okay. But if not, you're a hideous freak of nature. :(


Well I guess that I am a hideous freak of nature then :P



Brianruns10
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28 Feb 2013, 12:49 am

aspguy wrote:
I'm 25, I'm fat, I don't have a job, I don't have a car, I live with my mother, I think about sex too much and sometimes I just randomly talk about it, I have giant fatty manboobs, I'm only 5'8", I wear glasses, I'm confusing, and I try to avoid arguments because I don't want to ruin things. I want somebody to love me for who I am now, but that's impossible. Also I have social phobia and I'm afraid what might happen


By now I've developed a pretty rotten reputation here, and it's my fault. I do much as you do, fixating on my faults, down to every stray body hair. I fear being judged, I fear rejection, yet I desperately want companionship.

I wish i had some easy answers you, but there are none. It's a difficult process we face. Like you I have a lot of negative self perceptions, about my body and my place in the world, and my level of success and my self worth.

The ostenisble solution is to change yourself...move out of your mom's house and lose the weight and all that. But it isn't that simple. You should change yourself because to satisfy some phantom people, some imaginary woman out there you've not even met yet. You can't be a slave. I know this feeling. I'm very much a slave, because growing up, being mocked and avoided, I developed into a person who did not have any self worth as an individual. I grew to derive my worth based on an external locus, on what I accomplished, on what I did, and how these actions were judged by others. It mattered not how hard I worked on something, or how proud I was of a film I completed....if others didn't like it, then I automatically hated it, and myself for failing to meet their expectations.

This is a bad way to go through life. I know it, and I'm trying to free myself, but it isn't easy, and I'm not there yet.

You don't want to be in that place. You don't want to base everything about you on what you expect from others as a result.

Change is good, improvement is good. But if you opt for change, do it because you so desire. Lose the weight because you want to do it for yourself and your health and well being. Or don't fixate on weight, and instead fixate on getting out and exercising. Introduce yourself into situations where you might meet people. I'll go out often to the monthly art fairs they have in my city, hoping to meet people, perhaps a woman. Most of the time, I wander alone, and nothing comes of it. But I keep at it, hoping the next time I might finally meet my love, so I'll never be alone again.

I guess you have to try, and try, and try. I won't lie. You may not succeed. I've been trying for years now, without success. And it hurts. But in the end, at least you'll know you tried. That counts for something. And it's the best chance any of us have of meeting someone. By trying.