I just had an AWESOME first date. What next?

Post Reply New Topic

I hope you get a call, but also I think a lot of people find success at dating because they are able to realize that they can and do get rejected(and even often at that) and if they do, they keep their spirits up to try again and again...until they finally have a person equally wanting the relationship just as bad.

Have a cup of tea and a lavender infused bath or something man, just relax!

Relax man, relax.

This.

Fire up that double barreled bong or if you're not into that go some where, zen meditate and clear your mind. This is consuming you. It's not healthy.

I think that this was some of the best advice I've seen in a while! And I agree that you need to calm yourself down a bit...I've seen many posts by you where you meet someone, and act as though that one person is the sole chance you'll ever have at finding happiness. That's a lot of pressure and expectation for the other person, and even yourself, to live up to, not to mention it screams desperation (I have little doubt that some of it shows through in your interactions, whether you yourself realize it or not). I mean you even mentioned that you'd sell your soul to find someone, that's a terrible way to think! I empathize with your situation, I really do, but I think you'll have a lot more luck if you are able to stop worrying about whether you're going to spend the rest of your life with these women and just focus on having a good time when you go out with them, regardless of how things turn out.

Believe me, I'm a master at faking confidence at this point. It's all that gets me through a day without collapsing with anxiety. I try to be charming and outgoing. I listen and smile and agree. I try to be the best person I possibly can be.

I'm doing everything I can, so I can finally no longer be alone. I'm sick to death of losing all my friends because they marry and suddenly have no more time for me any more. If I don't find someone soon, I'll be completely alone. I want to matter to somebody, and I want somebody who I can care for, who knows she is loved.

I'm going nuts with the loneliness, with all this dating madness that yields nothing. I'd not only sell my soul, I'd give up my life. I'd trade everything I've got that's good in my life, for just one year in a mutually loving relationship. Just one year.

Take accountability for your problem and own it.

You're lonely - very lonely - what's the solution? Meet someone - join a dating site or a fb singles page or do some voluteer work - I met a girl once doing habitat for humanity and ended up being one of the longest relationships i ever had.

Writing your issues here can be somewhat therapudic but the ultimate solution is to change your situation - you have to do that. You can't sell your soul or give away all your good things to get a relationship, you have to get out there a meet people and not fear rejection. I am awkward, reserved, run out of things to say quickly and embarrassed easily by my clumsiness - but FFS that's me, it may be who i am but I'm not going to stop trying - I'm a really nice guy - I'm what a lot of women say they want - despite my social awkwardness i will be with someone someday through pure persistence - and it;ll be right - might not be tomorrow might not be five years from now, but I won't be wallowing on s**t card I was dealt genetically. You have to believe in yourself and f**k what other people think - that person is out there - don't fear lonliness, don't loathe it - get out and change your situation. You're 29 man... you have most likely 50 or so really good years in front of you - change your thought process - when doubt starts to creep in, say f**k this and do something about it.

Good luck mate - I feel for you a lot - I was you. I still haven't found the one, but I'm content in knowing that I've put my best effort into it and one day she'll show up.

Do you have any close friends?

Sounds like you may be expecting too much out of a relationship.

Yes a relationship is good and it can help to know that someone out there cares about you but if you have some issues of your own they are going to stay there and could possibly destroy the relationship.

Trust me on this one, I overlooked my self steem issues and whatnot for months and its one of the things Ive been working harder on lately to make things work with someone I started dating this september and we havent even seen each other yet(soon to be fixed)

I'm not going to try and echo everyone else here by saying you're putting way to much stock into a potential relationship and that your attitude is romantically self destructive. That's all obvious.

You're lonely. Believe me, I get it......Maybe instead of just looking for a relationship, you should be looking for friendships. The right girl may come along the way.

Just maintain a level of skepticism, without letting it show on the outside. That way if it DOES somehow go south, you can say that you thought that would happen, and it won't hurt nearly as much.

Well? Any response? Crossing my fingers for ya....

Still no call back.

What a f****d up world we live in, where the lonely get lonelier.

I'm writing more people at OKCupid Writing every day. I will not live another year alone.

Dial down the pressure valve, man... let off some of that steam - you'll scare 'em all away!

whatever you do, DO NOT CONTINUE TO PRESSURE HER.

im fairly certain its like this:

they move away because they think they arent interested

then when you try to get them back they are SURE they arent interested.

obviously its not like this all of the time, but if you push too much it breaks the potential.

if you play it off like its kinda weird that they didnt continue to chase you, and that its really not that big of a deal, i think you are more attractive for them (being a chase, and all), and have a lot better chance to have a relationship eventually.

if you are too ready, too eager, too needy, too desperate, etc. EVEN IF THEY LIKE IT INITIALLY, they will RUN OFF because you ARENT BEING HARD TO GET. i think its MUCH better to have them chase you, and want to work towards you eventually deciding that they could be right enough for you for you to ask them to be your girlfriend.

you followed up. the ball is in her court. dont keep throwing more balls over there, that just makes you look desperate, like someone she should avoid, not come back to.

There's nothing f****d up about it, it makes perfect sense. You're scaring these people away in a self-destructive cycle perpetuated by a debilitating fear of loneliness. Whether you mean to or not, people are going to sense your desperation and it's going to turn them off. I know telling you to relax is easier said than done, but you need to figure out a strategy to help you be comfortable with the fact that you will be rejected sometimes (maybe even most of the time), first dates won't lead anywhere, and relationships will sour, and that's not the end of the world. If you keep treating every date as your last chance at happiness you will never get out of this cycle.

^ Give the guy a break. I thought that a while ago, but to be honest, anyone is his situation would be pretty bloody fed up by now. He's a lot older than you and most likely been rejected by a lot more girls for a long time.

All I can say is make lots of friends and try to live a full and interesting life, if the right person comes along, great. If they don't, at least your life doesn't suck.

What are your interests apart from running and film?

Do you get depression at all?