"The Science of the Friend Zone"

Post Reply New Topic

That was an interesting video, the first half at least seemed more relevant.

I've experienced friend-zoning a few times in recent months since the end of my last relationship. I have mixed feelings about it. On the positive side, consider that being genuine friends with someone you fancy isn't the worst possible outcome. They could be friends with you just to take advantage, keeping you interested enough to be their chauffeur or a sounding board for bitching only. They could simply cut off all contact after learning of your feelings and not give friendship a chance. They could lead you on but never let things develop while looking for someone else.

That being said it does get tiresome sometimes trying to navigate this dating/attraction game, especially for someone who only started to learn in their twenties. If this video is to be believed then to have a better chance in the game you need to take a counter-intuitive approach ('buffness', aloofness, unobtainability and a dash of nice). I imagine that's difficult for a lot of guys, especially those on the spectrum. I'm more referring to those of us on the spectrum who have intense personalities but are capable of going out on a date. It seems like a mind that defaults to black-and-white thinking (without learned moderation) is going to have problems. Too eager or not eager enough? Too forward or not forward enough? It's a nightmare for many guys (and girls) on the spectrum, no doubt. Not only do you need to find the middle ground on these aspects of the game, but what the right approach is varies between different individuals you may be interested in.

Appreciate the friends you make along the way, I say. The challenge is: can one resist becoming jaded before learning enough about this game that you're ready for when the right person comes along? I hope I can.

We, as a semi-intelligent species have the ability to make the choice of whether or not to have gender roles; however, the most common arrangement over the course of history has been one male with multiple females. Polygyny.

Today, things have changed, we've learned more about ourselves and we have many more people, so there is a greater variation of gender roles across cultures.

We can rise above gender roles, but that doesn't mean that we are without instinct either.



I feel it is a misnomer. It's really just the "I'm not sexually interested" zone. "The Friend Zone" takes something that is inherently good - friendship - and taints it with the connotations of dissatisfaction, heartache, and general misery. A word like "Friend" doesn't deserve that.

Yes, which is why I hate being looked at as a jerk if I want to stop being a girl's friend after I ask her out or something and she says no. This is basically exactly what the friend zone is. It's not the fact that you were rejected that hurts the most, but that you were only good enough to be their punching bag afterwards.

EDIT: I should add that I have a time of about a week after I get rejected to figure out if the girl wants to actually be my friend or not. Out of all of the ones that I've managed to say anything to, about 7/10 of them were unwilling to actually be friends any longer.

I think a lot of people in here don't quite understand that being picky is not the same thing as mating frequently. A woman can bang 10 alphas in a week if she wants without violating the principle.

If they're highly-sought men, she'll only gain status from "getting" them. Our culture is messed-up. I wonder if this would hold in other cultures?

In that case, I agree.

But I would add that it isn't necessarily the guy's fault he ended up in it. Sometimes, these things happen regardless of the guy's character.

I never said it was anyone's fault. Sometimes things just don't work out.