abusive, or "normal"??? Should I just suck it up?

Post Reply New Topic

Or from kicking him out?

Or from kicking him out?

Easier said than done in most cases though. He sounds like the kinda guy who would resort to anything to stop her.

Yes. It's just that the OP is describing an abusive relationship, with someone who belittles and demeans her, and whose behaviour traumatises her, but she hasn't mentioned ending the relationship.

My ex husband behaved in similar ways to me, so I do understand how hard it is. I'm not trying to be accusatory or to suggest that it would be straightforward, but I am really concerned about the OP as this is a really toxic and harmful situation that she describes here. It's difficult to read, actually, because it has been triggering some painful memories for me.

yup.... he hates me, doesn't love me or like me, tells me these things over and over, then wonders why I wanna be left alone...

yup.... he hates me, doesn't love me or like me, tells me these things over and over, then wonders why I wanna be left alone...

If that's his attitude, then I'd say there's no question he's being deliberately abusive. And the faster you can leave him behind, the better off you'll be. (I do understand there might be factors which won't make that easy, but at least you need to be clear on the answer to your original question: he's not "normal" - he's a complete and utter jerk.)

We have a wood stove at my house, and I brought a chopping block in the house so that people wouldn't chop kindling on the carpet.

Well, today this person was chopping on the carpet again, so I said, admittedly probably not in the nicest tone of voice "really, the carpet?"

This person, then started screaming every profanity under the sun, SCREAMING their head off violently, so I just walked out of the house.

To me, this behavior is traumatizing, it seriously scares me to death to watch a grown adult loose control to that degree over something that could have been solved by a simple, "I know I am sorry, don't worry I will clean it up".... then I would have said, "ok, sorry, I just get splinters in my feet when you chop wood on my carpet," and that would have been the end of it....

After crying for a bit and calming down so I was at least not as terrified, we talked about it, and I said that screaming and swearing like that is traumatizing, and not something most people deal with very often in life, and so it is hard to handle that kind of violent behavior.

The person told me that anyone who isn't use to that is just a stupid pansy and needs to toughen up....

So is he right??? am I some kind of pansy who grew up too sheltered or something???

I only ever faced that kind of screaming and yelling a few times growing up, and those few times still haunt me to this day and are the types of things people go to years of therapy trying to get over I thought...

To him, he says it is normal....

I just don't know anyone where I live who does this unless it is a life or death situatio or something, and well, I really feel terrified and traumatized now.

yeah, I try to be tolerant, I try not to be too sensitive, but I am kind of the most disgusted I have ever been in my life after that one...