What do men want?

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For you men, do you like women who like to drink and like to see them get drunk?


For me, I like a woman who can drink and not be uptight about being against drinking, but I wouldn't want her to be an alcoholic or someone who gets drunk very often. Sometimes it's cool to just chill out when we're both drunk, but that's good on occasion not overall.

Do you like to see women in tight clothing?

Yeah, I do, but I don't know about someone I'm actually dating. Basically, there's different levels of this sort of thing. A woman doesn't have to dress in a turtleneck, but she doesn't have to dress half-naked either.

I have seen various music videos where the women are very pretty, skinny, and wear tight clothing or seductive intimates.

Things like music videos (probably for rap songs) are fantasies. They're things we like to think about, and something we like to entertain for the moment, but they're not something we want overall. Women have fantasies as well, but it's something they just feel at the moment - and not something they expect from a real life person day to day.

Where would you take a woman for your first date?
Ideally, somewhere that's public, safe, local, inexpensive and free of distraction so we both can talk to each other. The safest bet would be a cafe, but I would go to a bar if she seemed like the kind of person who would be on board with that. Also, if I know some of her interests, I can plan a date around them too.

Is intimacy really important on the first date?

Not for the first, IMO. First date is just like an intake. All I need to know is that we can talk freely, we enjoy each others company, we're having fun even doing the simplest things and the time passes by fast. I'd prefer to be intimate a bit later on because I don't want to rush it. Women often need time to process these things, and I do as well.

I think it's fairly obvious what he meant.
I come here and make, what I believe to be, a valid point - that this issue is related to all of society, and everyone is to blame... and you keep blaming men for all of it.
Do you even study anything outside of Feminism? Have you looked into the way Asian women conduct themselves, as a relatively easy example?
Have you looked into the brainwashing media culture, what it does to women? What it does to the boys that become these "men" you describe? The porn industry? The cosmetic industry? The fashion industry? Are all of these things created purely by men, enforced on women to oppress them? Is that your stance?

If you have no educated stance, or even an intelligible response other than to insult me when I feel I am making completely valid points, which are by no means anti-feminist or misogynistic, then don't call me dense, or whatever else.

I'm just going to go with Osho, "A woman is to be loved, not understood".
I understand feminism in literature, but when I come across one, wow

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but as I understand it, you are an extremely attractive young woman who likes to dress sexily, you get a lot of attention from men, but you don't want our attention because you are 100% Lesbian.

Luvsterriers, who started this discussion, is in her thirties and is asking for pointers on how to hook a man. Her problem is the opposite of yours.

As I understand North American mating rituals, basically the women doll themselves up and dress to accentuate curves and cleavage, and try to walk in such a way that attention is brought to the buttocks, in order to advertise availability for mating. Men will look, try to make a visual assessment as to whether or not the woman is in her league, and, if the situation looks at all promising, will attempt an approach. If the woman considers the man to be of insufficient status, she will call him a "Creep!" and he will crawl away. Otherwise, they will exchange contact information.

With respect to Luvsterriers' question regarding whether women should wear tight clothing or seductive intimates: the answer would appear to be an emphatic "YES!" when initially seeking to attract a man. Once a relationship has been formally established, she might consider asking her man what his preference was: whether she dress less sexily in public so as to cease advertising her availability for mating, or perhaps he doesn't mind showing her off a bit.

Edit: this post was in response to uwmonkdm, as are most of my responses in this thread(making this edit for AP, who seems to be intentionally being dense)

When I talked about men, I was talking about your specific points that men are going to react a specific way to clothing and thus women who wear those clothes have no self-respect, and you're clearly implying it makes a woman more likely to be subject to sexual comments and attention. The problem with that reaction to the way a woman is dressed is NOT her responsibility.

I'm only speaking about men in terms of what you've said men will do. So yes, if men will do that, it is their fault they are doing that.
So seriously, don't turn around and tell me how I'm blaming all men for anything. Rape culture isn't a gender/sex thing, it's not something that I'm blaming on anyone, it's an ASPECT OF CULTURE, an aspect of society.

I blamed a specific behavior on a specific group of people. You say men are going to react to clothing, I say that reaction is not the fault of the woman who is dressed in a specific way.

How the f**k have I blamed all men for anything? And I haven't said f**k all about misogyny, or feminism,(by the way, wearing revealing clothing is not anti-feminist) yet you start insulting me for being a feminist?

You're really goddamn dense. Really, really goddamn dense.

Last edited by meems on 10 Mar 2013, 2:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, I'm sure that Luvsterriers isn't looking to get raped.

Probably about 1/3 of the community here. Aspie, proud of it, clueless otherwise, and it is all the fault of NT's.

Can't speak for all mankind, but no. Drinking is fine, on occasion, but drinking to the point of drunkenness pretty much always ruins an evening. When you're drunk, you're bad conversation, badly behaved, and it turns from a date into babysitting.



Depends on what you mean. I personally prefer girls who wear a style that complements them. I've seen women make Daisy Dukes look classy and others that make evening gowns trashy. Go with your strengths. Dressing like you're in a music video? Really bad idea, though. Business casual is usually a good policy.



A decent restaurant would be a good first date. Maybe a play or the movies. A lot of guys go overboard trying to impress on first dates, which is think is intimidating and somewhat dishonest. I'd go somewhere to eat that I normally go to, maybe a good indian place. Nowhere that costs more than $15 a plate. Ideally, we could talk, get to know one another.

To me, intimacy is the last thing I want on the first date. I am also not your average male. To 95% of those I've met, intimacy on the first date is not required, but is a pretty nice, strongly desired perk. However, if you don't want to, it shouldn't even be on your mind. Hold out until you are comfortable.

That's my two cents.

And can you guys cool it? I doubt that Luvsterriers wanted this to turn into a debate about feminism and fashion.

No, I'm vaguely OK looking, and I'm not 100% lesbian, and I love attention from both men and women as long as it's respectful, like not touching me without knowing for sure it's OK, or making kissing noises at me or saying what they want to do with me. I love socializing, but I'm on the same page as Luvsterriers at this point and can't stand any scene involving alcohol anymore. I do also struggle with attracting the kind of people who aren't drunken d-bag types every goddamn night. I cover pretty much any area of my body that is going to garner attention when I go out and I don't go to bars etc. etc.

Assuming it's always part of a dating game or "mating ritual" is where the creep thing comes from.

I'm discussing sexual harassment with some dude, so maybe you're misreading me, most of my posts aren't in reference to the OP.

Also I just think you're an as*hole and I doubt we can have a conversation without me cursing a lot so you can respond however but in order for me not to say horrible things, I don't think I'm going to respond. Plus people are visiting me sort of and I keep getting distracted and I'm not even sure my posts are following any discernible train of thought.

An aside, I love terriers and my terrier mix is sitting on my lap and so I think I'm ESPECIALLY also on the same page as Luvsterriers.

Really, I'm giving up on this thread for the most part because it's getting derailed and my heart just isn't in this debate.

I'm pretty sure no one is looking to get raped.

Is this woman completely oblivious to the world she lives in?
I understand what you are getting at, and as I've said,

But look around, this is not a perfect society by any means, especially not when it comes to equality, for anyone. Minorities, the elderly, women, the disabled, Muslims, etc etc..

Men ARE going to react a certain way depending on how women are dressed. Do I mean they're going to assault or rape her? NO. I mean they're going to perceive her in a certain way. Do I think that's right? No, not really. Is that the way the real world is? Yes.



So, if I walk into an african american church, wearing a KKK suit, their reaction is not my fault, right? They should stop being that way.
Men. enjoy. the. female. body. If you show off said body, you will attract men who have a one-track mind (guess which track it's on). It's pretty damn simple.

I don't even understand what point you're arguing, other than calling me dense.
Are you trying to say that men are solely responsible for the patterns of behavior instilled on them as children by society? The women who sell their bodies and images for a quick buck all over TV, Billboards, Movies, Newspapers, Magazines... they're not to blame at all, right? It's just the men, they should understand that clothing means nothing.

Clothing means nothing, that's why it's a multi-billion dollar industry, that's why women are wearing less and less of it every decade... because they're liberated? No, I don't think so. They're just doing exactly what Madonna and the rest of the idiots in Hollywood want them to do. I should really look into dating Asian women, I'm getting so sick of this garbage.

I want to say this once and for all: I agree that women should be able to wear whatever they want. I also think I can wear whatever I want, but I'm well aware that if I wear some gangster clothes, with my pants down to my knees, people aren't going to take me seriously or respect me. That's not how things should be, but it's how they are. Deal with it.
If you want to discuss ideologies, and what could make the world a better place, then sure, you're 100% right.. but the real world isn't perfect.

I'm done with this, I don't normally get angry in these kinds of discussions but it really angers me that you play this blame game or try to shift the responsibility to the other gender when it's clearly the whole society that's f'd up, while you're living in an ideological fantasy world.

- I never insulted you for being a feminist, you're not really anyway - you seem extremely uneducated on the subject.
- It's hilarious that you agree "rape culture" is an aspect of society? ... but men reacting to the way women dress is completely abhorrent and they should be ashamed of themselves. I can't believe you're the one calling me dense..

Last edited by uwmonkdm on 10 Mar 2013, 2:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

No. A girl should at most drink moderately. If she has problems with alcohol, she better take care of that first before dating someone, i have enough problems of my own.


I would prefer to see women in dark clothes, piercings, eyeshadow, sneakers and maby a marylin manson t-shirt or something like that, i.e. a Goth/Rock girl. Tight clothes = a non-issue, she just don't have to be a boring person.


Depends on where she want to go with me. I don't drag along girls just anywhere. Though, when i dated a couple of years ago, i tried walking past a place where you could buy Science fiction / RPG stuff to see if she had an inner nerd. If she reacted negatively, then there would be no point to stay on the date for another second.


If it would ever happen i would be ok with it, but it has never happened on a first date. I went out 4 times with my first and only GF before we even kissed.


EDIT: To say, if you are looking for some magic formula on what to do on a date and what to expect - there is none. Everyone is different and some will be picky as hell if you are 2 minutes late and some will be glad you showed up. Dating is a crapshoot. But mostly just crap.

As a man, I'd just want someone who was not a jerk, friendly, assertive, but not a doormat.

I will answer my opinion (a) and men's average opinion which applies to most guys (b)

1-a I don't.
1-b Some men might like it for various reasons, from taking advantage of the drunk woman, to being a fellow party animal. But, in general, moderate intake of alchohol is the most atractive.

2-a So, so. I am available strictly for women I am in love with and generaly, a woman who needs atention drawn towards their body instead of their personality, don't interest me much, apart from a strictly sexual atraction
2-b Men will want to screw women with tight clothes (who have nice bodies), but they will, in general not respect them or want to have a commitment with them.

3-a-b Regarding the skinny stuff, men, including me, only feel atracted sexualy and romanticaly to women who have at least a desirable body. We are superficial in that respect. It's not necessary to be a hot girl, but to have body that can be considered atractive during sex. Women imagine that a good body has to be like a top model's. No! That's not even what most guys like. There are models who have nothing but bones and that's not atractive at all. Since women are extremely demanding towards their bodies, here's the standard: if you are not fat (meaning actualy fat with a prominent belly etc., not the kind of fat women think they have), are not super skinny, are not ugly and have at least some boobs (even if they are small), then you'll find a partner, if you choose to do it.

4-a To a good, but not too fancy restaurant with a cosey environment.
4-b It varies too much

5-a Not much but not too little
5-b I don't know. Guys don't talk about those kinds of feelings with each other.

To give you a serious answer, there is no way to say "What men want", every Man is different.
Is the guy 25, 30, 40, 45? It makes a huge difference.
Is he looking for a girlfriend, a f**k buddy, a wife, a 5th wife?
Is he looking to have kids? Does he have an important career, or some s**t job?
Is he the 'jock' type or intellectual?

There are far too many factors, just look for a guy that meshes well with you

someone gets it

For you men, do you like women who like to drink and like to see them get drunk?
I prefer it if they do not drink or only drink once in a while, I don't think it is healthy to become so dependant on something like alcohol and I would prefer a girlfriend who would like to sit in, watch a nice film, book or go for a romantic walk down the old 12-18th century esque streets in England to have a look in antique stores and enjoy the architecture, perhaps explore a beautiful castle or gardens.
Do you like to see women in tight clothing?
To be honest, it doesn't really matter to me but I think leggings are nice but t-shirts are fine. I actually find women in tomboy clothes really attractive, I'd love a girlfriend who would wear a soccer outfit.
I have seen various music videos where the women are very pretty, skinny, and wear tight clothing or seductive intimates.
Attraction to me is more to do with an emotional bond as well so I couldn't really love them or feel true attraction so unless I knew that I felt the same attraction and appeal for them on the inside as I do on the outside, it wouldn't have a great impact on me.
Where would you take a woman for your first date?
Perhaps for a walk down the old 12-18th century esque streets in England to have a look in antique stores and enjoy the architecture, perhaps explore a beautiful castle or gardens. A picnic with strawberries and jam sandwiches is always nice and relaxing.
Is intimacy really important on the first date?
I don't think it is necessarily but I always at least try to have a kiss on the first date if I find them to be attractive but I don't think it is necessary, however I always feel that neurotypical people like to kiss on the first date as a sign of assurance.