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desperate NT girl who needs your help!

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The_Face_of_Boo
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23 Apr 2013, 6:14 am

I am having a headache.



appletheclown
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23 Apr 2013, 6:42 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I am having a headache.


Me and LunaOsa had a breakup but we are still friends.


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Popsicle
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23 Apr 2013, 3:20 pm

theNTgirl wrote:
The issue with the calling has only happened during the past month or so and he would call later ( except of two times when he ' forgot' or got distracted) but that later could be two days later instead of " an hour" later- which is what I assume when someone says they will call later, I expect them to call on the same day. For him it meant ANY later!


Oh - well that's different than what was in your original post unless I misread it. Didn't you originally say he said he'd phone at 8 PM then not phone at all?

A vague "Call you later" has no real deadline or obligation. If that's the case then I would think you took him too literally and if that's the reason you broke up I'd say it was an overreaction but, it's very hard to diagnose a relationship based on limited info or one person's side of things.

So how do you feel about it at this point?



theNTgirl
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23 Apr 2013, 3:30 pm

Popsicle wrote:
theNTgirl wrote:
The issue with the calling has only happened during the past month or so and he would call later ( except of two times when he ' forgot' or got distracted) but that later could be two days later instead of " an hour" later- which is what I assume when someone says they will call later, I expect them to call on the same day. For him it meant ANY later!


Oh - well that's different than what was in your original post unless I misread it. Didn't you originally say he said he'd phone at 8 PM then not phone at all?

A vague "Call you later" has no real deadline or obligation. If that's the case then I would think you took him too literally and if that's the reason you broke up I'd say it was an overreaction but, it's very hard to diagnose a relationship based on limited info or one person's side of things.

So how do you feel about it at this point?



Yes the saying he will and then not call happened two times and he would apologize only after i complained. The other times he would Call a day later or message me a day later



Cafeaulait
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23 Apr 2013, 6:38 pm

theNTgirl wrote:
In december I have met my soulmate at a party. We have plenty of mutual friends and I have been sort of friends with his Brother for a bit longer. Anyway, he lives 4 hours away and we have the same ethnic background. We both share the opinion that we will only marry within our ethnicity ( felt like saying this at the start):



First of all, I don´t understand WHY.
Second, I totally don´t understand why you would mention this. Why is this important to us?
Very irrelevant and definitely not the base for a good relationship.



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23 Apr 2013, 7:09 pm

appletheclown wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I am having a headache.


Me and LunaOsa had a breakup but we are still friends.


When I saw all the comments you made about how great LunaOsa was, I wondered how long the relationship would last. Somehow it seems like a law of nature that when somebody tells everybody else about how great his/her partner is every time he/she opens his/her mouth, that person gets dumped.



appletheclown
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24 Apr 2013, 12:12 pm

ShamelessGit wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I am having a headache.


Me and LunaOsa had a breakup but we are still friends.


When I saw all the comments you made about how great LunaOsa was, I wondered how long the relationship would last. Somehow it seems like a law of nature that when somebody tells everybody else about how great his/her partner is every time he/she opens his/her mouth, that person gets dumped.


No one got dumped, we just r too far away.


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IlovemyAspie
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24 Apr 2013, 2:17 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
theNTgirl wrote:
In december I have met my soulmate at a party. We have plenty of mutual friends and I have been sort of friends with his Brother for a bit longer. Anyway, he lives 4 hours away and we have the same ethnic background. We both share the opinion that we will only marry within our ethnicity ( felt like saying this at the start):



First of all, I don´t understand WHY.
Second, I totally don´t understand why you would mention this. Why is this important to us?
Very irrelevant and definitely not the base for a good relationship.


When I read that part I was instantly turned off from trying to help. :thumbdown:
If that wasn't in there I would have felt differently.


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theNTgirl
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24 Apr 2013, 2:19 pm

IlovemyAspie wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
theNTgirl wrote:
In december I have met my soulmate at a party. We have plenty of mutual friends and I have been sort of friends with his Brother for a bit longer. Anyway, he lives 4 hours away and we have the same ethnic background. We both share the opinion that we will only marry within our ethnicity ( felt like saying this at the start):



First of all, I don´t understand WHY.
Second, I totally don´t understand why you would mention this. Why is this important to us?
Very irrelevant and definitely not the base for a good relationship.


When I read that part I was instantly turned off from trying to help. :thumbdown:
If that wasn't in there I would have felt differently.



well, one cannot have it all in terms of advice ;)



theNTgirl
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24 Apr 2013, 2:22 pm

theNTgirl wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
theNTgirl wrote:
In december I have met my soulmate at a party. We have plenty of mutual friends and I have been sort of friends with his Brother for a bit longer. Anyway, he lives 4 hours away and we have the same ethnic background. We both share the opinion that we will only marry within our ethnicity ( felt like saying this at the start):



First of all, I don´t understand WHY.
Second, I totally don´t understand why you would mention this. Why is this important to us?
Very irrelevant and definitely not the base for a good relationship.


When I read that part I was instantly turned off from trying to help. :thumbdown:
If that wasn't in there I would have felt differently.






well, one cannot have it all in terms of advice ;)



But in order to explain exactly WHY I mentioned ethnicity ;
We stem from a very conservative culture so I just wanted to make sure that a guy ( whether aspie or not) would not likely date or get involved with a girl from my culture ( given he is from the same) unless he was serious about it. I guess I only wanted to sort of point out that the fact that he got so close to me and why I considered him so important was partially because we shared this and because I thought ( based on the same shared values) that I could trust him. That is all really, I understand that this might be a bit ' off' to others or that they would not get why it is so important to me :) It is just how I was raised.



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24 Apr 2013, 2:55 pm

IlovemyAspie wrote:
When I read that part I was instantly turned off from trying to help. :thumbdown:
If that wasn't in there I would have felt differently.


She mentioned speaking German so I presume she's in Germany or close to it...
It's offensive to us because we're not teetering on the edge of losing our countries to outside cultures. If your "kind" were being systematically eradicated, I can almost see the point in wanting to date within it - possibly in hopes of preserving a part of it.

...so maybe it's not quite as offensive as it seems. Maybe. Benefit of the doubt and all that...



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24 Apr 2013, 2:58 pm

BlueMax wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
When I read that part I was instantly turned off from trying to help. :thumbdown:
If that wasn't in there I would have felt differently.


She mentioned speaking German so I presume she's in Germany or close to it...
It's offensive to us because we're not teetering on the edge of losing our countries to outside cultures. If your "kind" were being systematically eradicated, I can almost see the point in wanting to date within it - possibly in hopes of preserving a part of it.

...so maybe it's not quite as offensive as it seems. Maybe. Benefit of the doubt and all that...



I actually come from an ethnicity from the balkan peninsula :) and although I have grown up in germany my desire to remain in my culture and keep my traditions is very very high :) so yes! that is it!



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24 Apr 2013, 3:54 pm

BlueMax wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
When I read that part I was instantly turned off from trying to help. :thumbdown:
If that wasn't in there I would have felt differently.


She mentioned speaking German so I presume she's in Germany or close to it...
It's offensive to us because we're not teetering on the edge of losing our countries to outside cultures. If your "kind" were being systematically eradicated, I can almost see the point in wanting to date within it - possibly in hopes of preserving a part of it.

...so maybe it's not quite as offensive as it seems. Maybe. Benefit of the doubt and all that...


I know people feel that way. The point I was making is that I didn't feel it was relevant. I know we all have our own belief systems and a right to those belief systems. It was just a little off-putting.

Is that why I'm always one of a handful of black people (not to mention wearing a dirndl) at Oktoberfest? :shrug:


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theNTgirl
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26 Apr 2013, 12:16 pm

IlovemyAspie wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
When I read that part I was instantly turned off from trying to help. :thumbdown:
If that wasn't in there I would have felt differently.


She mentioned speaking German so I presume she's in Germany or close to it...
It's offensive to us because we're not teetering on the edge of losing our countries to outside cultures. If your "kind" were being systematically eradicated, I can almost see the point in wanting to date within it - possibly in hopes of preserving a part of it.

...so maybe it's not quite as offensive as it seems. Maybe. Benefit of the doubt and all that...


I know people feel that way. The point I was making is that I didn't feel it was relevant. I know we all have our own belief systems and a right to those belief systems. It was just a little off-putting.

Is that why I'm always one of a handful of black people (not to mention wearing a dirndl) at Oktoberfest? :shrug:



I am from the Balkans ;) so please do not put this on german people. I have put this at the start as I have had ( mostly NTs though) claim that his behaviour indicated that he was " playing" with me. However, I would use it to explain how unlikely that would be because of our nationality and culture and also the fact that he would not get involved with me ( sexually) without serious comittment. That just how it works with us and that is the only reason I mentioned it



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26 Apr 2013, 12:18 pm

So turns out I will be seeing him on the 18th and 19th on a weekend with A LOT of friends. We will party on saturday and have a bbq on sunday.
Firday the 17th is his birthday and I have bought him a book on his special interest. I am planning to send it to his brother ( they live seperately) and then let him give it to my crush on his birthday - one day before we meet at the party.

Do you think this might help reconnect at the party?

Do you think that this might actually give him enough courage to approach me first?

Or do you think this is a really bad idea?



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26 Apr 2013, 2:15 pm

IlovemyAspie wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
When I read that part I was instantly turned off from trying to help. :thumbdown:
If that wasn't in there I would have felt differently.


She mentioned speaking German so I presume she's in Germany or close to it...
It's offensive to us because we're not teetering on the edge of losing our countries to outside cultures. If your "kind" were being systematically eradicated, I can almost see the point in wanting to date within it - possibly in hopes of preserving a part of it.

...so maybe it's not quite as offensive as it seems. Maybe. Benefit of the doubt and all that...


I know people feel that way. The point I was making is that I didn't feel it was relevant. I know we all have our own belief systems and a right to those belief systems. It was just a little off-putting.

Is that why I'm always one of a handful of black people (not to mention wearing a dirndl) at Oktoberfest? :shrug:
For the record restricting ones preferences to ones own ethnic back ground is only going to make things more difficult and yield far less options! I like to think outside the box we are in a new era where intermixing is totally common and I am fine with that and wouldn't mind dating someone of another ethnicity given the person has a kind caring and loving heart is intelligent and may share the same interests as I do! The only backlash is coming across racist people who scowl give dirty looks or say nasty things at the sight of it but f*ck them! I get that crap anyway so I say the hell with it and keep on trucking if they got a problem with me they can kiss my ass! I am different Ill always be different and if I date someone of a different background more power to me! We are all human and the same species if we werent we wouldnt beable to mix and create fertile offspring!


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