Poly relationships, opinions?

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Popsicle
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14 May 2013, 6:35 am

OliveOilMom wrote:
What do you think of poly relationships? Would you ever consider being in one? Why or why not? Would you be ok with sharing your partner as well, or just ok with having two or more partners yourself? That last one is kind of difficult. I am not sure I would be ok with sharing my husband, I think I would get really jealous unless the other girl involved was one of my good friends. I only know of two that I wouldn't mind sharing him with. I actually share Ole Boy with them. If you are in a relationship now, do you think your partner would be ok with the idea?

Also, do you think polygamy should be legal? I think it should.


To each their own.

My concern would be:

The abundance of polygamous societies are male driven, male controlled and male led. The males benefit most from it. I have heard a lot of bad things about existing such societies. I will not go into that point more, anyone who was paying attention to media in the past couple years has heard the same stuff.

Interpersonal dynamics:

Competition among the plural partners. Whether it's a marriage or a harem, there is always infighting, jealousy, backstabbing, etc.

Some people I have seen on documentaries about polyamory have said their trio or quadrangle works for them. It did sometimes seem that one person was lovesick though and only put up with it because they loved one of the people in it. In other words, a power imbalance seems built into it.

Sometimes it's built on sexual exploitation.

If the people involved are well adjusted, transparent to one another about motives and prospects and goals, I suppose it could work for some?

I'm not jealous minded but I'd rather know if someone isn't monogamous or loyal so I could leave them to find someone else. I don't want to put all my resources into a person only to have them divert all of that onto someone else. It just would not work, for me. I don't want to be judged as being a Puritan (who actually had some rollicking fun, just lots of rules about it) or frigid or rigid or conservative for what to me is part of my natural response to such things. Any more than polyamorous people want to be judged as "sluts."

In short I am concerned with exploitation of power, not with who other people have sex with.

I think mostly men join those swingers clubs or polyamory organizations because a lot of them are just after group sex.



Schneekugel
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14 May 2013, 6:50 am

As long as everyone agrees with each another, I dont have anything against poly relationships. For myself it wouldnt work, because I "cant love" while doing something else. I dont know if this is about multitasking or whatever, but while others seem to be able to think romantic about their partners, while concentrating on work or doing something else, I cant. When I am in work I am in work, I fully conentrate on work and I dont even have thoughts about my partner, if there is no cause. So I need special partner/relationship time, that I can spend together with my partner to get into a romantic relationship mood. Even "only" with one partner this is a problem for me, and I would need so much more time for him to truly love him as much as he deserves. If I had to share my free time for two wonderful people, then both would get less attention as both deserved, which would leave me very unhappy and also would be not nice for my partners. So I wouldnt be interested in adding a second partner to mine. :)

Sharing my partner with another women might be ok, but she would be part of an relationship, so she also had to fit with me, and in my whole life I only met about 5 girls, that I could really be friends with. (Similar interests, hobbies, needs, personality...) So I dont want to endure a third party, but I want to enjoy it to, and therefore you need at least a close friendship.

I dont agree with that: Humanity isnt made for monogamy part. Sure, also when you are in an good relationship, you sometimes meet men that are sexually interesting for you. But its only about sex, so I dont want to take them home with me.... a little watching, daydreaming and taking the dreams with home to my partner is absolutely sufficient for me. I dont want to take the guy with me, the illusion is just fine and for the physical part I already have an expert. ^^



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14 May 2013, 12:37 pm

Popsicle wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
What do you think of poly relationships? Would you ever consider being in one? Why or why not? Would you be ok with sharing your partner as well, or just ok with having two or more partners yourself? That last one is kind of difficult. I am not sure I would be ok with sharing my husband, I think I would get really jealous unless the other girl involved was one of my good friends. I only know of two that I wouldn't mind sharing him with. I actually share Ole Boy with them. If you are in a relationship now, do you think your partner would be ok with the idea?

Also, do you think polygamy should be legal? I think it should.


To each their own.

My concern would be:

The abundance of polygamous societies are male driven, male controlled and male led. The males benefit most from it. I have heard a lot of bad things about existing such societies. I will not go into that point more, anyone who was paying attention to media in the past couple years has heard the same stuff.

Interpersonal dynamics:

Competition among the plural partners. Whether it's a marriage or a harem, there is always infighting, jealousy, backstabbing, etc.

Some people I have seen on documentaries about polyamory have said their trio or quadrangle works for them. It did sometimes seem that one person was lovesick though and only put up with it because they loved one of the people in it. In other words, a power imbalance seems built into it.

Sometimes it's built on sexual exploitation.

If the people involved are well adjusted, transparent to one another about motives and prospects and goals, I suppose it could work for some?

I'm not jealous minded but I'd rather know if someone isn't monogamous or loyal so I could leave them to find someone else. I don't want to put all my resources into a person only to have them divert all of that onto someone else. It just would not work, for me. I don't want to be judged as being a Puritan (who actually had some rollicking fun, just lots of rules about it) or frigid or rigid or conservative for what to me is part of my natural response to such things. Any more than polyamorous people want to be judged as "sluts."

In short I am concerned with exploitation of power, not with who other people have sex with.

I think mostly men join those swingers clubs or polyamory organizations because a lot of them are just after group sex.


There is a difference between Polygamy and Polyamoury... and I think OOM meant the second...

I have rarely seen any of the supposition acted out in Poly situations... and I know a lot of poly people


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Zodai
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14 May 2013, 12:50 pm

I'm going to have to say monogamy all the way.

I'd rather give 100% to that special someone ( Makayla :3 ) than half-ass an emotion and split it amongst ten.


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appletheclown
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14 May 2013, 12:51 pm

Poly? :eew: No, not my thing. It sounds gross.


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appletheclown
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14 May 2013, 12:52 pm

Zodai wrote:
I'm going to have to say monogamy all the way.

I'd rather give 100% to that special someone ( Makayla :3 ) than half-ass an emotion and split it amongst ten.


Yes, this is what I agree with.


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BlueMax
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14 May 2013, 1:05 pm

Zodai wrote:
I'm going to have to say monogamy all the way.

I'd rather give 100% to that special someone ( Makayla :3 ) than half-ass an emotion and split it amongst ten.


I like that sentiment as well! ...I feel bad for those people who are incapable of emotions bigger than "now".



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14 May 2013, 4:57 pm

Zodai wrote:
I'm going to have to say monogamy all the way.

I'd rather give 100% to that special someone ( Makayla :3 ) than half-ass an emotion and split it amongst ten.


If you had more than one child, would you consider that your love was half-assed and split between them?


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appletheclown
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14 May 2013, 5:01 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
Zodai wrote:
I'm going to have to say monogamy all the way.

I'd rather give 100% to that special someone ( Makayla :3 ) than half-ass an emotion and split it amongst ten.


If you had more than one child, would you consider that your love was half-assed and split between them?


Now you are just being childish and coming up with scenarios to make him look bad. I know you are, otherwise you wouldn't have said anything. Stop trying to make people feel bad too.


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Who_Am_I
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14 May 2013, 5:09 pm

appletheclown wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
Zodai wrote:
I'm going to have to say monogamy all the way.

I'd rather give 100% to that special someone ( Makayla :3 ) than half-ass an emotion and split it amongst ten.


If you had more than one child, would you consider that your love was half-assed and split between them?


Now you are just being childish and coming up with scenarios to make him look bad. I know you are, otherwise you wouldn't have said anything. Stop trying to make people feel bad too.


No, I am disagreeing. Loving more than one person doesn't mean that you love any of them less.
If he feels bad over someone disagreeing with him, he's a much weaker person than I thought.


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appletheclown
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14 May 2013, 5:22 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
Zodai wrote:
I'm going to have to say monogamy all the way.

I'd rather give 100% to that special someone ( Makayla :3 ) than half-ass an emotion and split it amongst ten.


If you had more than one child, would you consider that your love was half-assed and split between them?


Now you are just being childish and coming up with scenarios to make him look bad. I know you are, otherwise you wouldn't have said anything. Stop trying to make people feel bad too.


No, I am disagreeing. Loving more than one person doesn't mean that you love any of them less.
If he feels bad over someone disagreeing with him, he's a much weaker person than I thought.

You don't have to ask something as disrespectful as "If you had more than one child, would you consider that your love was half assed and split between them?" to disagree. He's no weaker than you that's for sure, and neither am I. Besides, this is about relationships not children, which have nothing to do with this, unless you are a pedo, so don't bring them up.


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billiscool
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14 May 2013, 5:54 pm

but isn't poly usual one man and many women. It very rarely one woman and many men.



auntblabby
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14 May 2013, 6:30 pm

how does one love multiple people [NOT one's children] equally, deeply and truly? how does one be devoted to that many people?



Feralucce
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14 May 2013, 6:32 pm

billiscool wrote:
but isn't poly usual one man and many women. It very rarely one woman and many men.

Not really... That is a common misconception.

Polygamy is many wives...

Polyamoury is many loves... In the social circles I have been running in... there are as many women who are poly as there are men...


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Dillogic
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14 May 2013, 11:24 pm

I guess it'd take [just] a little longer for sex to become boring and people to become [unbearably] annoying.

Heh heh heh.



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15 May 2013, 12:47 am

most men's little heads would prefer a harem.