Aspergers relationship breakup

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hi
I hope you have been able to resolve your conflict with your beloved Asperger or found inner peace and closure.
Im not sure why Im writting to you, except to tell you that I understand how you feel and it sucks.
My ex broke up with me and I wasnt expecting it, and went completely cold overnight.
Well it took all I had, but I tried to give him space and didnt contact him for some time. He wrote to me over a small matter, not personal, and I just answered and then for no reason blurted everything out in the worst way. Thought he would be gone for good, so wrote to him saying that I appreciated him, and knew he didnt have bad feelings, and just wanted to talk because it would make me feel better. He responded and we talked.
He may be one in a million, certainly for me he really is, but I really hope this helps you communicate better if you care for this person as much as I care for him.
Blessings

In one of your posts you mentioned wanting him 'to be more empathetic.' While I sympathize with your desire to have someone you care about be more communicative with you (especially in a break-up situation), a lack of empathy is a fundamental reality of an Asperger's diagnosis. Therefore, looking to impart the concept of 'more empathy' into someone with Asperger's is probably not going to end well.

The majority of cliche's in this situation have already been posted, so I'll stay away from those. From what I've read herein in sounds like he hasn't told you the whole truth about something related to your relationship. I honestly think his Asperger's might not be the bigger issue here.

In the end, you have to decide who is going to control your life- you, or him. Yes, you can write him a heartfelt letter, text him, etc. All that probably won't matter to him. If I were you I'd wait until he contacts you- and when he does I'd ignore him for the rest of my life. You get 100% of what you don't ask for- if you stop asking him to ignore you and take you for granted, he won't be able to do it.

Find someone better.

Beginning of August 2015. I was running in the park, ear buds in with Rammenstein blaring, enjoying another 8-minute mile, when I jogged over the bridge, turned to follow the nature trail into the next part of the loop. There coming at me, making an immediate turn, clearly chasing the tail, was the dorkiest Californian transplant to be on a walking/running trail. Six-foot-tall, with the most amazing blue eyes I had ever seen. He followed me of course, speaking about if I feared bears, or alligators. Clomping along in flip flops, typical Californian style, and then.

It is now, November 2016, and that crazy dork, has pursued me still. He gets out of a mental health lock down tomorrow, for being suicidal. His diagnosis, bipolar schizophrenia. I am sure this excerpt sounds familiar to aspies.
This very thread I write to, is why I joined this group site. I have read many posts by aspies, that are helpful here, but also. I have read many angry posts by non-aspies. I seek understanding. I have been reading on Asperger’s for many months off and on. I have no doubt I am in a roller coaster relationship with an aspie.

From his rocky reactions, cold responses, lack of empathy, yes sexual issues, lack of understanding me, break ups, get back togethers, trying to just be friends, alcoholism, drug abuse, sudden interest changes, depression spells, tendency to be exploited by others, and multitude of other regularities for Asperger’s. Total lack of communication, months apart, sudden changes in treatment, and etc. I have no doubt he has Asperger’s, and comparing to bipolar, he isn’t bipolar. He will even tell you he has Asperger’s, without a treating medical professional willing to retest.

He is 35 yrs old, and I am nearing 39 yrs old. He may have Asperger’s, but our relationship is further strange. I have post-traumatic stress disorder. His being untreated, makes it very difficult! Though bless his mother’s heart. She has tried to work with him, and within her own limitations, help him learn to see as the rest of us do. Long story short, we are a messy couple.

We have spent up to 8 months apart. Tried the no contact. Tried the just be friends, still ending up staying over just to have contact but no sex, but neither of us can really tolerate being apart or to fully break up. So, what to do? Well I learn, in hopes to improve our individual communication, mostly my understanding him! Yes, I said me improve.

Why should it just be the aspies who have to change and improve? Why can’t we? Are we non-aspies so perfect that we can’t afford to give true understanding?

To emotional non-aspies, ailing of a broken heart, I feel you. I get it. There were times, even recently, that I screamed, telling him he was selfish, tale sign of Asperger’s, and dangerous to have around my daughter, and a whole onslaught of other terms, that bothered him, not that it was my intent. It does hurt to be confused. So maybe we can actually understand those who are confused to hurt us.

As I mentioned before my "he" gets out of institution tomorrow, still not having a professional even try to diagnose again, and a whole host of judgmental people abusing him. Yesterday I tried to call him for the first time since he went in, at my begging, as he was just coming off a nearly three month run away spree from one side of the country to the other. When the nurse told, him I was on the phone, he told her he didn’t want to speak to me. It had been a good day for him, until that call. After that, as reported to me, he went massive depressive again, and hopelessness took over.
The only way he calmed down, and restored his previous progress towards stability, was to have another inform him that I knew and wasn’t mad. Even today after he got the great news of being released, into another care providers care. His concern was if they were certain I wasn’t angry.

Non-aspie I should have been furious that he refused my call, after having spent a week living in my house, and turning my life upside down, and then suddenly wanting to flee again, and run wild.

Only I’m not. I would be more upset, if he had done something more foolish, due to my own selfishness. Yes, it hurts to be kept away by a mile. Yes, it would feel better to know we could talk it out. Do I know he loves me? Yes, as we have one more strange surprise.

I feel what he feels, without words, without understanding. When he committed himself. I had no idea he was doing it. No one told me anything, and yet as I went to work, he into the clinic, I had a panic attack, like I had never experienced. My PTSD makes me a tad more empathetic, which is horrible at times like that. Though it was also why after months of us not communicating, I knew he was in trouble. It's why I know how he really feels.

I can’t fix my darling love. I cannot change him. I wouldn’t want to. At my age, any “normal” man I’ve dated has been a cheat. I’ve been cheated on more times than I have had sex, and I was promiscuous over the years. I love that he can’t cheat. His moral up bringing with Asperger’s has made it an impossibility for him. Can I carry it all? Nope, not at all. His family tried, day of commitment, to get him to travel to them one more time, but he can’t leave. I have abandonment issues as well. I find comfort in knowing he wont leave. Even when we are bad. Take a time out, sure, but not actually leave.

Yes, he can fake empathy some. Today marks the 1 yr date, to when I ran over my first animal, and he was with me. As I cried hysterically from shock, he swooped in, checking the car, and staying with me all night, never judging me for crying. Will we work out? I have no idea. I do know, as much pain as I’ve gone through with the confusion, I do know I am glad I got to fall in love with this aspie.

What I do hope for him? That he finally get properly diagnosed, and find self stability. If not stability I can share. The later is no strain if it doesn't happen.

So you who hold pain and anger, just be happy. Not that you lost. Not that you hurt. That your anger didn’t almost drive that aspie to suicide, as mine almost did. No life is worth giving up on. No anger and pain is worth holding on to. No life is worth destroying for our own lack of control.

Thanks for reading my brief book.

my GF & i were together for 2 years,we spent one Valentine's Day together & 5 months after we got back together,she dumps me for hanging around with her hours after i met the family & since then,i hated every NT Couple that i see that has what i had,something that i can never have again because of my aspergers ,based on the negative perception of how severely awkward appear to her because of it along with "deals gone bad" (opposite sex social encounters between me,or other male aspies & nt women & girls of our own age whether in school or somewhere else)