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What are some reasons an aspie guy would reject a girl?

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IlovemyAspie
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05 Jun 2013, 9:14 pm

auntblabby wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
The Aspie guy I fell for told me (after about 9 months of me pursuing him), that he doesn't function relationships. Not many more details, just that he doesn't function in relationships. There is/was nothing I could do about that except but to continue being his friend and forget any thought of us ever getting together romantically. We are still good friends. Sometimes I still wonder....but I don't dwell.

I considered myself in that club also, until I was confronted with an offer I could not refuse. I had to put up or shut up forevermore.


Before I respond... elaborate please.

when the woman of my dreams [another wrong planet member, which is the cherry and whipped cream atop the cake!] took a shine to me.


Okay that's what I thought you meant. I always felt that no matter how he felt about himself...if I was 'the one', he would give it a chance. So then I had to deal with the fact that I wasn't 'the one', at least not for him. I thought possibly that since I was married that might have a bearing on the situation (I had planned to get divorced but hadn't filed paperwork). When my ex moved out, he started initiating more contact. I eventually filed for divorce and I am 1 month away from finalization. I wondered if he was waiting for things to be final before possibly moving forward. Maybe because there are instances where people say they are divorcing but ultimately get back together. Instead of chasing that scenario, I'm just enjoying his friendship. Maybe I'm just not 'the one' :shrug:


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Aspie1
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05 Jun 2013, 9:22 pm

@ the OP:

Have you ever done anything to scare off your guy friend, like yell at him, deserved or undeserved? For a lot of aspies, myself including, romantic feelings can be flipped on and off by a certain trigger. And the flipping is like a checkbox or an on/off switch, rather than a slider or a dimmer switch. Triggers may include things like an argument for any reason; an emotionally intense shared experience, good or bad; coming through for each other in times of need; or even seemingly innocuous favors, like buying a lunch. Maybe yelling at him is unthinkable to you, and that's good, but can you think of something that happened to turn off his feelings? Anything at all?

Another reason is fear. He may be fearing the breakup, rather than the relationship. After all, hell has no fury like a woman scorned. Even if the worst thing you'll do is tell him he's a jerk, he has no way of knowing that. All he knows is the aforementioned proverb.



Last edited by Aspie1 on 05 Jun 2013, 9:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

auntblabby
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05 Jun 2013, 9:25 pm

IlovemyAspie wrote:
Okay that's what I thought you meant. I always felt that no matter how he felt about himself...if I was 'the one', he would give it a chance. So then I had to deal with the fact that I wasn't 'the one', at least not for him. I thought possibly that since I was married that might have a bearing on the situation (I had planned to get divorced but hadn't filed paperwork). When my ex moved out, he started initiating more contact. I eventually filed for divorce and I am 1 month away from finalization. I wondered if he was waiting for things to be final before possibly moving forward. Maybe because there are instances where people say they are divorcing but ultimately get back together. Instead of chasing that scenario, I'm just enjoying his friendship. Maybe I'm just not 'the one' :shrug:

if your aspie is anything like me, he wilts when confronted with even the mildest competition from other men. so he was [IMHO] waiting for all the competition to go long ways away, before chancing at stepping in. correct me if i'm wrong here.



IlovemyAspie
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05 Jun 2013, 9:29 pm

My story wasn't to derail the thread but to possibly give an explanation for the rejection. Which kind of goes along with the "he's just not that I interested in you" thought. Shoot....just ask....


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Sspotify
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05 Jun 2013, 10:37 pm

Yeah we have had disagreements in the past. Mainly, him backing out of plans last minute. At the time, I didn't understand his reasoning and therefore thought he was blowing me off which resulted in me saying harsh things. At one point, I told him to have a nice life (which I regret horribly) only for him to respond with asking a mutual friend if I was mad at him. Once, she told him that I just cared about him he said he was gonna make it right between us but that never happened. We didn't talk for several months and then I reached out to him trying to make things right and apologizing. Right now we are good but it's only because I've put a lot of effort into trying to communicate a lot and show him I care.

There is another issue. Technically, his family would never approve of me because I'm from a different cultural background. He went against his parents once with a previous girlfriend (seems to be his only serious relationship). However, she cheated on him and left him. Therefore, he is in one of those we told you so situations and I think he is scared of disappointing them again if it doesn't work out with another girl of his choice. They want him now to have an arranged marriage



IlovemyAspie
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05 Jun 2013, 11:36 pm

auntblabby wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
Okay that's what I thought you meant. I always felt that no matter how he felt about himself...if I was 'the one', he would give it a chance. So then I had to deal with the fact that I wasn't 'the one', at least not for him. I thought possibly that since I was married that might have a bearing on the situation (I had planned to get divorced but hadn't filed paperwork). When my ex moved out, he started initiating more contact. I eventually filed for divorce and I am 1 month away from finalization. I wondered if he was waiting for things to be final before possibly moving forward. Maybe because there are instances where people say they are divorcing but ultimately get back together. Instead of chasing that scenario, I'm just enjoying his friendship. Maybe I'm just not 'the one' :shrug:

if your aspie is anything like me, he wilts when confronted with even the mildest competition from other men. so he was [IMHO] waiting for all the competition to go long ways away, before chancing at stepping in. correct me if i'm wrong here.


I'm not sure myself...I figured I'd wait until the divorce was finalized and see if he makes a move. He KNOWS how I feel about him. I was as direct as I cold have been. So after pouring my heart out and getting rejected the first time, I decided that he would have to make a move-AS and all. He'd have to force himself to make a move.


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MjrMajorMajor
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05 Jun 2013, 11:40 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
This thread triggered a memory about incident happened last week,

A girl on okc messaged me because she found my body "too sexy" and started to sexually flirting me and all, she was pictureless so I asked to show me a pic of hers after few exchange of messages, after showing me face-only pics she finally showed me a full figure pic and asked me if I find her physically appealing - she was not (yes, she was way overweight, 2.5 times my width at least) so I've politely told her I don't think we're physically compatible. She was like "Well, you're no brad pit, you should had accepted me, you should be glad that a girl gave you an offer!!".

Before you call me shallow remember why she contacted me in the first place.

I find this common entitlement attitude among females toward males annoying and offensive *staring at OP and MrjMajor* (don't ask why the poor MrMajor is included in this, even I don't know why); as if males are supposed to automatically accept romance/date/sex advances from females, as if rejection is a female privilege only and males don't have right to it; well I have news for you, not all males are desperate horny lapdogs with no preferences/standards.


It must be the alliteration. :lol: Yes FO Boo, men are allowed their preferences just like anyone else, and it sounds like a case of sour grapes(of the girl) in your example. I don't have helpful advice for the OP though. I'm sure this guy does appreciate you showing you care, especially if he cares about you. :)