why don't people want to find true love anymore?

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True love only happens to people who have already learned how to live alone and not be lonely.

You have to work on yourself so that you have something to give to another person.

Selfishness is a hollow, empty feeling. Common culture says 'hook up' or 'buy this' to feel fulfilled. That is selfish and while it gives a brief 'high', like sugar, soon the sweet taste is gone and all that is left is the hollow, empty, rancid taste of selfishness.


That agony you are feeling is you not living the life you know you are meant to live.

The cure is to stop living for yourself.

Misfortune is a staple of life. How you handle it is how you will define yourself to yourself. If you run in fear from misfortune you will think yourself a coward and a coward you will be. If you handle misfortune like the paper tiger it is, you will build yourself into the lion you want to be.

Stop looking outside yourself for fulfillment. The change you need to make is the hardest of all and yet is the simplest and least expensive at the same time. Change your mind.

Go find a cause. Learn to overcome misfortune by helping others overcome theirs. Go out and be your own man.

If you do this, true love will not only find you, it will knock you upside your head and take control.

Then, of course, is when the ride gets really bumpy and if you think you have seen misfortune, well, I have news for you. Relationships are HARD. If you can't handle being alone, you don't have what it takes to be in a relationship where the ONLY way you (plural) survive is to live for the other person.

Being alone is the proving ground for living a loving life. You MUST defeat lonliness by yourself BEFORE any relationship will be worthwhile.

transformingcar, I don't post often.

I post only when I care. I post only when I believe I can help.

I am a 44 year old meth addict (clean 20 years) and former US Army Airborne Infantry Sniper. I am currently married (second wife) and employed by a fortune 100 company. I was diagnosed at age 40. I am now 44. To this day, my parents do not believe in Autism. They believe that my 'issues' could be beaten out of me with a belt. They still believe this.


Please believe me. I understand how you feel.

I understand the hole in your chest that makes it painful to breathe.

I also understand that snake oil salesmen will try to sell you all kinds of short term feel good solutions that will in the end only cause you more pain.

There is NO magic bullet.

You do not need another person to pity you. It will leave you feeling more empty than you feel now. Only you can help you out at this point. This is why you feel that 'none of you will ever understand my pain'. You are simply misunderstanding the signal your brain is sending because your head is full of anguish.

You need to vent that emotional pain. Being autistic, I know I cannot do so through the normal hugs and socialization that NTs use. I vent by running or hitting a heavy bag. I vent by helping out crack addicts on the street and little old ladies in my neighborhood.

However you vent, you need to do so and soon so you can go about your life. The emotions are likely clouding your judgement. At least, this is how it works for me.

Please vent in a constructive manner. Don't engage in negative or violent fantasy when you do so. I like running. It gives me time to think and wears me out.

Go run and wear yourself out. Please. It will work wonders for your head if you can get your head out of the ditch it is in. I promise you.

Do this and we can talk about how to live alone and not be lonely. We can look at how to be loveable so you can find someone to love who will also love you.

The point of feelings is to effect change.

HOW you change is completely up to you.

The mechanics of how you change is in your own head.

If what you are doing now leaves you feeling empty and alone, change is necessary.

Being autistic myself, I often misunderstand when people are looking for comfort for people looking for help making a plan to get out of a hole. If I have done so here and you are looking for short term, comfort, I apologize. I suk at comfort.

If you are lost in the pit of despair and looking for a way out of the hole, I recognize that hole.

Treat the cause, not the symptom.

To be happy, one must first be grateful. There is no other secret to happiness. Anything else is snake oil.

To get out of the hole:
1. Choose a direction. I recommend, up. Choose the positive side of life. There are benefits.
2. Climb.

You can climb up by helping serve food at the local homeless shelter. If you have never been, it will change you. Unless you are from extreme poverty yourself, feeding the homeless will teach you gratitude like never before. You will meet very different people and hear stories you can't imagine. If you are honest and careful, you will gain entrance into a loosely knit, fluid, family.

You will have to learn some courage to do this.

Courage is the start. Helping others is the fuel. Gratitude, joy, courage, friends (not every one at the shelter is homeless) are the potential result. YMMV

You learn who you are by surviving the darkest days of your life. You have a choice to make. Right now in the pit, it feels harder to climb up. It feels comforting to let go and fall further. In the long run, climbing leads to a better life.

Please, find your courage for 20 minutes and make a positive, free difference in someone else's life.

I promise you. If you do, the big things today will seem smaller tomorrow. The more you accomplish the more courage you will gain and the more courage you gain, the more you will accomplish. The more you accomplish the better you will feel about yourself and the world in general. It can grow like fire if you light it.

THAT fire is how to cure loneliness.

^^^
you are NOT living up to your name.

@topicstarter

Because more and more people are into that weird "true love" stuff, so its hard to find people that dont want to find their personal fairytale-prince/princess-slave, and simply want to find someone to normally love, without all that nonsense expectations of "true love"? Its those "true lovers" that are not marrying, because of them not finding their fairytale-"truelove"-partners. And its that "true love" people divorcing, after they realize that their oh so "true love"-fairytalepartner, wasnt the perfect "true love" partner at all, but only an "ordinary-non-fairytale-partner", that you only can love "ordinary", so they have to be divorced, to be free againf for finding the "true love" out there... ^^