Why do girls hate shy guys?

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Assuming the woman is not shy.I can never think of anything to say.And there is always the worry you may be hitting on someone who is taken.

that works both ways 99.99% of the time.

That's true and we do. The thing is, a lot of shy guys don't give off the vibe of wanting to be approached, so we don't. If someone doesn't make eye contact and smile or if they look preoccupied or if they look impatient, etc we won't do that. However I'd say that most interactions occur when the guy approaches the girl.

I did not invent society nor write the unwritten rules of it. None of us on this planet today did. We are just stuck playing by them. Just because most girls don't approach shy guys doesn't mean that girls hate them. The bottom line is that you need to approach girls yourself if you want more of a chance of getting one. If you sit there and say "she can come to me" and wait, you may be waiting a long time.


ETA; Also, girls who do the approaching are going to be more outspoken and maybe not such a good fit for a shy guy. I mean think about it for a minute, I've always asked guys out. Would any of you shy guys actually like to go out with me (if we were both the same age and single)? If you say yes, think about it a minute. Really think about it.

Women don't hate shy men - they just don't notice them!

Want to be protected. They can't be bothered to do anything for themselves and don't even know how to cook anymore and expect guys to work on their cars and fix their house while they simply exist and be empowered women by virtue of existing.

Excuse me???? I cook three meals a day from scratch, clean the house, wash and hang out the laundry and put it up, sweep and mop, scrub the bathrooms, make the beds, pay the bills, make the doctors appointments, do the school shopping, go to the grocery store, and take care of the dogs.

Oh, and when I had a car, I worked on it myself. My husband knows NOTHING about cars.

I also don't need him to protect me. I can protect my damn self thank you very much.

I'm not speaking for you, just most women I know. Also there's lots of useless guys who have no skills at all either. But all the talk of feminism and women being so empowered when they do simple normal things or do things way below standards of a guy make me mad and I feel irritable tonight.

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2 ... t-for-nfl/
Things like that making national news. If a guy did the exact same thing he'd be laughed at. But for a woman it's "historically significant."

But I'm just feeling bitter tonight.

*cough*

What is "shy" exactly? Is "shy" being timid? Or is it not having enough enthusiasm or common interests to come up with much to say? I'm 75% the latter and 25% the former. If I was timid I wouldn't get angry. If I was timid I wouldn't enjoy chasing storms. Why must one be an impressive chatter-box / annoying jokester to be confident? Why does not fitting in or enjoying common popular s**t make one "weak"?

This. As soon as I find someone interesting to talk to I'm no longer "shy".

Yeah I like introverted guys, but not shy ones so much.

But it seems like "quiet because you can't think of anything to say" is taken to be synonymous with lacking confidence, where in reality the lack of confidence is a secondary consequence of worrying all the time about being perceived as "too quiet".

I´d say there are differences. Average society normally tells every people to be shy, when they avoid social contact. Personally I would depend if someone was shy in the meaning of simply being introverted and more silent, or shy in the meaning of being afraid of social contact.

I´d personally have nothing against introverted and more silent people, but I think when it comes to NT-women they simply have slightly lesser chances of meeting other people in social situations, so having less contacts, and so on. So I think they have the same chance to meet a girl for an relationship, but because of them simply meeting less people in the same time, then someone being extroverted, it simply needs more time for them to meet people they like.

When its about shy in the meaning of being afraid, I´d have the problem, that I would have the feeling that person depending on me, and I am being responsible for that. Thats ok as long as its only about me and one partner, but normally after some time you want to have kids in an relationship as well. Kids mean a lot of responsibility and work that needs to be done, including social work. So if you have as example three kids in the end, that sum up to an amount of "3 measurements of responsibility" then you share that with your partner, so in the end for each partner there is "1,5 parts if that responsibility to carry". But if you have an partner that is afraid on his own about tasks that need to be done or social situations that need to be done, you need to carry the full load of "3 measurements of responsibility" alone. And additional you wouldnt even need to do all that, what your kids dont are or feel fit to do on their own. But as well everything that your partner wouldnt feel fit to do, because of him being afraid of it.

And I simply couldnt carry all of that alone. Maybe an NT-women can, but right now, all my ressources are already completly fed up with all the responsibilities we have, while I am sharing that with my partner. Because of that our plan to receive kids, involve as well, me working a bit less then now. (6 hours instead of 10 hours), otherwise it would be too much, because of me needing time to "un"-exhaust as well. But I my partner avoided parts of his responsibilities as well, because of him being shy/afraid of them, it simply would be to much. I can share with him, I carry his load for an certain amount of time, when he is ill or feels bad, just as he carries mine, but I am simply physical not able to carry him all his life.

Really? I thought it was the breaking!



Or if they could, they don't want to. I resent the whole "game" and refuse to play it, even if I could (and perhaps I could, given enough time and effort).

Off-topic, but I had a cat that comprehended doorknobs. At least I think it did - it would jump and grab at them when it wanted to go through the door.



You might be onto something there. My mind often is pre-occupied with something and then, even if someone does approach me, my default response is something like "huh? what? who are you? why are you talking to me? when will you go away?" I don't actually say those things out loud (well, not usually ), but NTs can probably read them from my facial expression. Sometimes I "recover" and make a conscious effort to be more friendly, but that depends on who it is and how deep in thought I was. It would be hard to give off the vibe of wanting to be approached, though. I don't know how I would do that.

We have a doorbell by the back door. I don't know why, it was here when we moved in. But my dog jumps up and rings it when he wants to come in and nobody hears him scratch or bark. The first time was purely by accident, but now he hits that bell first time when he jumps.

I think I'm going to change by doorbell to the barking of a German Shepherd and see what he does then.

I can understand that girls don't want to date guys who don't feel comfortable around them and don't know what to do.