Girl dates me for being nice to her: Matrix glitch report.
Ctrl_F4
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 27 Sep 2013
Age: 113
Gender: Male
Posts: 64
Location: Sunny San Diego
Basically, I'm working on part 1 my MSc (master of science), which involves one full year of theory, then one full year of research (part 2). The girl in my class is not a native English speaker, and as a result she usually cannot understand what the lecturers are talking about. By the end of the year she was really struggling and had offered other classmates money to tutor her (there was no proper tutors available for the subject).
Explaining things to people helps me to understand a topic better because it forces me to organize everything inside of my head. When I don't have people to explain things to, I just explain it to myself as if I were explaining the topic to a stranger, does the same thing. Because of this, I had no qualms with helping her out. As I'm not a qualified tutor or even someone who has completed that course with a decent grade before, I didn't feel right about accepting money so I didn't.
Now, as she comes from a foreign country that doesn't exactly smile upon dating outsiders, I really hadn't foreseen anything happening with this girl. Because of this, I had "purity of intention", so to speak. I was honestly surprised when I found out that she liked me.
There were a few signs at first. For example, we'd have these "moments" looking at each other and you could feel this electricity. Later we were flirting and she ended up telling me that she liked me.
We've done hugging, kissing, cuddling, and dating. If I'm in the friend zone, this chick's "friend zone" is awfully generous. Plus, it's been really good relationship practice. If she wants to bugger off as soon as she's done with me, I'm rather satisfied with the transaction. I'm happy for her to stick around, though, she's a lovely woman.
If she's kissing you, you're definitely not in the friend zone, hehe. She's really into you. If tongue is involved, she wants to have sex.
I haven't read every post in this thread, but it sounds like you can easily make her your girlfriend or lover. Just lead her by setting the expectation. Once you've made love to her (which you want to do sooner than later, because if you wait too long, things will get awkward and she'll resent you as someone who doesn't know how to fulfill her needs and she'll avoid you like the plague; if you're lucky, she'll make sure this never happens by initiating sexy time), you two are officially in a relationship. But what kind? Hang out with her more than once a week, and she'll see you as her boyfriend. See her less than once a week on average, and she'll see you as a lover. If you have no choice but to see her more than once a week but would like to keep the relationship casual, you'll need to have that "talk" to explicitly set expectations. This is no guarantee though because the more frequently you spend time with a woman, the more likely she'll want to make things serious. You'll need a lot of game to set up a polyamorous relationship.
An interesting note on relationship power dynamics: Before you sleep with a woman, she has the power to say no. After you sleep with a woman, you have the power to say no. After you two have committed to an exclusive relationship, she has the power to say no again. You can be the exception to these molds though if you have an abundance of options. Some food for thought.
If you're baffled by why she likes you, it happens. You may just happen to be her type. Women have different tastes (but will almost always be attracted to universals like confidence, looks, social savvy, etc.). Or she may be on the rebound. Maybe she's just down to f*ck. Or maybe you're more attractive than you think you are!
If it were me, I'd wonder why the hell you hadn't long ago made sexual moves on me.
Come on - three months of dating is more than long enough to know if you like her sexually (if you want to have sex and don't have any religious prohibitions against doing the dirty).
The woman is dying to sleep with you and you're letting this opportunity slip from your grasp.
Go forward and make your move or call it off.
Come on - three months of dating is more than long enough to know if you like her sexually (if you want to have sex and don't have any religious prohibitions against doing the dirty).
The woman is dying to sleep with you and you're letting this opportunity slip from your grasp.
Go forward and make your move or call it off.
Not happening bro. I've already made the moves, but she comes from a place where it's conservative as hell. Couples won't even hold hands in public. I'm lucky to have already gotten a kiss.
Ctrl_F4
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 27 Sep 2013
Age: 113
Gender: Male
Posts: 64
Location: Sunny San Diego
Come on - three months of dating is more than long enough to know if you like her sexually (if you want to have sex and don't have any religious prohibitions against doing the dirty).
The woman is dying to sleep with you and you're letting this opportunity slip from your grasp.
Go forward and make your move or call it off.
Not happening bro. I've already made the moves, but she comes from a place where it's conservative as hell. Couples won't even hold hands in public. I'm lucky to have already gotten a kiss.
Dude, she wants it. How attractive is this lady? If she's at all attractive, she's got options, and she's going to leave you if you continue to wait.
She's hanging around because she wants you to break her free from her conservative upbringing. All women, regardless of upbringing, have the same needs and desires.
She wants to have sex, but wants you to initiate to clear her conscience. She wants to be able to say that you got her horny. If she initiates herself, she'll feel guilty. I know that sounds crazy and totally illogical, because it is, but that's just how 99.9% of how women think (blame mainstream social rules, which are illogical to begin with). If you FAIL to pick up on the hint that she wants you to make a sexual move, you're going to lose her. Losing a women for failing to escalate in time is extremely difficult to get back. The psychology is that she feels you've rejected her and she'll rationalize that you were a loser, ugly to begin with, whatever (it's similar to how guys call women a b***h or slut when she rejects him). This kind of resentment is very strong. Don't let it get to that point!
Last edited by Ctrl_F4 on 02 Oct 2013, 6:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,088
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
A country conservative like those places, yes. Even only a single generation ago, people in this country wouldn't even kiss or hug until they were married, it's insane.
I've been working on it. Took a while just to get her to kiss me. There's been no shortage of effort I can assure you.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,088
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
Exactly.
Shau: stop pandering to her 'conservative' background. She wants to be with you because she doesn't want that kind of relationship. She is dating you, not some Indian fella in Tamil Nadu.
She wants you to be enlightened and liberal, not simply kowtowing to what she has escaped from. She wants to have fun! Push the boundaries and continue to push them. Unless she screams, freezes up, cries or pleads for you to stop when you try to go further, ignore her protests if they seem half-hearted or not serious. If she goes with it, then under no circumstances stop.
Do it. Or don't do it and lose her to some guy that will have her in the sack within two weeks tops.
Last edited by Tequila on 02 Oct 2013, 7:09 am, edited 2 times in total.
Ctrl_F4
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 27 Sep 2013
Age: 113
Gender: Male
Posts: 64
Location: Sunny San Diego
A country conservative like those places, yes. Even only a single generation ago, people in this country wouldn't even kiss or hug until they were married, it's insane.
I've been working on it. Took a while just to get her to kiss me. There's been no shortage of effort I can assure you.
Shau, try this next time:
You two have already kissed. That means you can kiss again. Next time you kiss, use tongue. But very briefly so she can't object. Do it again, but do it longer and longer each time until she can't resist and wants your tongue.
After that, start kissing her neck and ears. As she gets into it, start kissing the rest of her body. You're only kissing, but she should be getting really turned on by now...because you're going SLOW by taking your time (that's one of the keys to great foreplay--taking your time to tease her so her imagination runs wild and she begins to beg). The fact that she's very conservative will excite her (think of the stereotype of how deprived Catholic girls are the wildest). This may sound like a lot of steps, but it really isn't if you focus on how she feels and how you feel...and the sensations. It becomes very natural then.
While you're kissing her body, you can use your hands to lightly feel all over her body. Keep the hands moving so she can't swipe it away (this is just her autopilot response, despite her really wanting this to happen). Once you feel she's getting turned on enough, stick your hands down her pants and finger her (with her pants still on). I'll let your imagination figure out the rest. I'll say though when you pull her pants down, pull down her undies at the same time.
She may resist while you're doing this. The key is knowing how to calmly and playfully persist without being pushy. As long as she doesn't say "stop" and she's not actually serious, you can ignore it and just keep going. It's just "token resistance." Most women do it as a half-hearted attempt to clear their social conscience. However, if she does seriously object, stop and give her a teasing, wise-ass remark with a smirk. For example, if says we shouldn't do this, ask her with a smirk what we should do. You can also be sarcastic by agreeing with her and suggest doing something really boring like playing chess or Bingo. This makes her realize her objection is illogical and what she's doing right now is a lot more enjoyable than the alternatives, e.g. chess or Bingo. Women (and men too) often say things out of arbitrary social pressure, but deep down, they really want something else. If you can show her that you understand her better than herself, she'll love you for it. If you're not comfortable with this, you can say something like, "I'll keep going until you say the word, 'stop.'" Most likely, she'll never say "stop," but will say other things as half-hearted objections (again, to clear her social conscience).
Let us know how it goes! Remember, you're giving her what she really wants, and she's looking to you to make that happen (i.e. a night of fun for the both of you).
Last edited by Ctrl_F4 on 02 Oct 2013, 7:14 am, edited 3 times in total.
What part of "I've been working on it" did you not understand? Chick is prude as hell, but I don't mind cause it's the first time I've ever been in a REAL relationship with a girl. This is good practice. If all I wanted was ass I'd hit the club.
Nope. Keep guessing! You're getting warmer.
I'm far past the point of needing an instruction manual. What I need is for her to be willing to let me touch her boobs!
Last edited by Shau on 02 Oct 2013, 7:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
She may not be. That's our point.
When she is saying 'no', she may not really seriously mean it. She probably does secretly want you to go further, but feels enormous social guilt about it. By constantly stopping, you are helping to reinforce that social guilt.
I'm not saying hold the woman down and force yourself on her, but basically do as Ctrl_F4 says.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,088
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwT6DZCQi9k
Make sure to "give" a lot tho...
Bengladesh? Indonesia?
She's not a virgin. And you're getting warmer and warmer!
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