What's worse actually for a guy who is a 40 yo virgin?

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A Triceratops?

If the second case actually happened, the man's global fame would consist of people saying stuff like, "Can you believe it? Johnny still hasn't figured out that it's because he never showers! Nobody tell him, this is hilarious!" Kinda like the Truman Show.

Not only that, the 2nd has a worse impact on self esteem.

No, a tyrannosaurus rex.

Until very recently, I would have said that if you really want something, do your absolute best to attain it.

Nowadays I might be less optimistic. I've put so much of my life and soul into it. Into finding that incredible woman with whom I could have this incredible sexual and romantic relationship. And I've been so disappointed, for so many years.

Maybe for some of us, not being a virgin isn't realistic.

I did lose my v'g'n'ty a long time ago. It wasn't super-exciting or super-wonderful. Kind of like the rest of my romantic life.

I think I got a bit off-topic with this long-winded answer. My apologies.

True if you are the only one to bear the cost of failure. If you get rejected 50 times, you should think whether there is something that people really don't like, and you are bothering them or worse.

This question is not so hypothetical for me. I made the decision early on not to actively seek romantic or sexual relationship. If somebody sought me out and I was attracted to her I would accept the kind offer. Nobody has asked me and I am way past 40. At first it was pure fear later on it was and is the view that certain people are just not built to do certain things and will cause massive pain if they do. The same principle applies be it athletics or relationship/sex. The only difference is the massive expectation society has that everybody has a partner out there for them and other such nonsense.

It was painful realization at first then came acceptance and in the long run it made me more comfortable in my skin. Like anything else in life it had its up and downs sides. The down side is obvious mitigated by not knowing what I was missing. Benefit? All the money I earned stayed with me, I did what I wanted when I wanted, was able to devote time to my career which I liked and was going well and also to special interests. And no pain of breakups, divorce etc.

Now it is years later and my career has stopped from factors which have nothing do with the topic we are discussing. Theoretically if I tried for it my kids would have be ready for college I would have no means to pay for it. I am EXTREMELY THANKFUL I did not listen to the constant message to do otherwise and made the decision I did.

I have been rejected more then 50 times in a row during job searches and that is bad enough, hard to imagine being rejected by 50 women in a row.

I did like the movie The 40 year old Virgin with the exception of the breasts are like sand line. Nobody would say that. The movie did not make the virgin character a stereotype or a butt of jokes but a mellow kind of likable guy.

Last edited by ASPartOfMe on 05 Oct 2013, 1:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

so basically your self worth is dictated external of you

really?

*edit, 40 is a little on the old side blah! i dont know*

People would eventually tell him. He'd hear about it from someone eventually.

It would be much more hurtful if it was something that people couldn't put their fingers on, and hence, he couldn't fix.

So it feels like he's been rejected for no reason and for no fault of his own.

Since you did not use quotes but your post is just below mine I am going to assume you are responding to me.

No you don't know, me or what it was to be different and 25 years old 4 years before you were born. I would have been rejected a few times for social awkwardness but had enough money and a steady career that I liked and decent enough looks I could have eventually gotten laid or gotten a girlfriend. I was not "desperate" and view that era as the best time in my life so my self worth was fairly good.

My decision was an very Aspie, logical unemotional choice of what would be the best choice for me and for anybody I eventually fell in love with.

Oops i meant the topic not you

I think this is literally impossible, unless we are talking about something silly like "aliens secretly zapped him with a laser that hypnotises people around him". If you spend a lot of your life looking for a relationship, you will find opportunities everywhere. You might not want to take them, but you'll find them.

And remember that relationships can be attempted by both men and women. Even if the man spends 0% of his time looking for a relationship, and only leaves home to go to work, chances are that a female coworker will eventually attempt to start a relationship with him. This is assuming that there is nothing "identifiable" that puts people off, so the man is relative fit, hygenic, polite, etc.

That is ok. You helped me unintentionally. Just recently got diagnosed. As seems common to "older" people who are diagnosed now because there was wrong knowledge back in the day we get very reflective. We need to reassess everything from the past based on the new information we have in order to go forward. And that means everything even this most intimate topics especially this type of topic. What other forum could I write the words I wrote early today and needed to write down without getting immediately and cruelly jumped on?

Weird thing is I did not post on this topic for deep reassessment purposes. I saw everybody was writing hypothetically about a topic I knew something about. So I hope I gave you all some answers or at least a direction to look for them.

Last edited by ASPartOfMe on 06 Oct 2013, 3:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

40 YO virgin rejected 50 times = 2 or 3 rejections per year.
= 2 or 3 tries per year.
= not really trying.

26 YO virgin rejected 50 times = 6 rejections per year. 1 rejection every 2 months.

1 approach every 2 months?

That puts me permanently out of the running then.

I am very hygienic though. And I'm polite... occasionally.

If you don't mind me asking, how can you be permanently unable to be "fit"?

Do you mean that you have a medical condition which prevents exercise from having a positive effect on you?

Or do you mean that you have a disability which prevents you from being a stereotypical "healthy person"? (e.g. maybe you need a wheelchair)

Or do you mean that you will never be "fit", meaning "attractive"? (e.g. maybe you consider yourself to have unattractive facial features)